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Sophistie... The knife cuts both ways...
Sometimes people already know that the opinion they will get will be one of a negative nature, but delivered with the care of someone who's walked in their shoes. There is a way to soften any blow and you must read between the lines of what the person is really asking. I'm sure there was at least one good point in whatever the person created, you can build from there with great understanding. She would have not been so prone to assert your acceptance of a bad project, [which was untrue] if it seemed like you were helping her implement her unrealized potential to success.
I think and know that the truth hurts, but its delivery and the attention given to change the hurt into happiness counts much more. There are some situations where this is just not possible. We are all helpers one to another. Making good ideas seen like the ones she overlooked could have helped her nail this success. Knowledge is power, to empower others to excel in their purpose! Just some food for thought. Thanks for sharing... Sometimes good advice is not well received no matter how helpful the person giving it is trying to be... A catch 22...
Blessings, TG
posted by
T.G.
on May 6, 2006 at 2:31 PM
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MissJohn316
She did not ask me along the way. I had mine to complete and she had hers. When she asked me and I took the time to assess, that is how she reacted. I am not one to keep silent on things that I know that are wrong. That is why I am often in conflict with others. I cannot say something is good when in fact it is bad or say something is bad when it is good. I have difficulty sugar coating things. I attempt to use good words, yet many want people to lie and I cannot do it. Thanks for really nailing this on the head.
posted by
Dr_JPT
on May 4, 2006 at 12:10 PM
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Not ready for prime time?
1. She didn't do a good job of the task in the first place.
2. She couldn't stand to have her work criticized.
3. She couldn't own up to the fact the she had made a mess of it on her own, so she said that you had approved it.
Did you know all along that she was making a mess of the job? If you were aware that she was making errors along the way and didn't point them out to her before completion, she may have taken your silence as approval.
posted by
missjohn316
on May 4, 2006 at 10:00 AM
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Soph -
I've experienced this so many times. But now I've changed my approach. I know will find something that is positive that was done and speak to that. I try to focus on the good and not the bad. Usually this leads the person to bringing up some of the "bad". If they bring it up first, then I can speak frankly and usually everything works out.
posted by
sannhet
on May 3, 2006 at 9:17 AM
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I guess when people ask in that way they don't really want the truth, a bit like someone wearing a new dress that they really like but look hideous in. They don't want to be told the truth, they want to be reassured that they look beautiful. I think if someone really wants constructive criticism they will ask in another way.
posted by
Ca88andra
on May 3, 2006 at 2:39 AM
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That's a good question...I really don't know.
posted by
Whacky
on May 2, 2006 at 11:17 PM
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People want approval, and when they ask,
that's what they're hoping to get.
Also, most people won't listen, even when the advice you're giving is good.
I don't know what the answer is...
posted by
songbirdshafer
on May 2, 2006 at 9:28 PM
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HMMM
Although you were right, but brutal,the story reminded me of when I was youger and would ask my mom for her input which I would consider before making my decision. She would then freak out when I did not follow her advice verbatum.
posted by
homegirl
on May 2, 2006 at 9:03 PM
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I'm with you-
If you really don't want an honest anwer, don't bother to ask.
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on May 2, 2006 at 8:46 PM
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Not At All Shellyb!
That was really a shock!!
posted by
Dr_JPT
on May 2, 2006 at 8:18 PM
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Well, that wasn't very nice of her. I guess she doesn't take constructive critisim well, eh?
posted by
shelly_b
on May 2, 2006 at 8:14 PM
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