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It is a good thing

but this is probably the hardest situation I have ever had to navigate. More than anything I do not want Tom's relationship with his parents to suffer and I want them to be my allies... I have had in laws from hell before... even the quiet ones cause damage. I juat want to make this right for them and I don't want them to feel disrespected... Loving a man's family is sometimes harder than loving the man

Mike's Goddess

posted by mikes_goddess on April 29, 2006 at 12:28 AM | link to this | reply

Yes, I can understand that.

They will not feel you are truly married if you are married elsewhere, if I understand their beliefs correctly. The way the world is these days, finding people who have strong beliefs that are meaningful is a good thing.

posted by Witchflower on April 28, 2006 at 9:54 PM | link to this | reply

The only reason that it is important...

is that his family would want us to be married in the church and without the annulment of my first two marriages I am told that cannot happen... Like I said... I am wading through the info...

posted by mikes_goddess on April 28, 2006 at 11:34 AM | link to this | reply

Happy that it will work out for you, Goddess.

My husband, the former Catholic, asked me an interesting question last night. He was always taught that a marriage not made in the Catholic church was not considered a marriage at all. So, he wonders why you would need an annulment (providing you weren't married in Roman Catholic ceremonies those two times)?

What I mean is, when we got married, he was told if we married in my (Lutheran) church, we would not be married in God's eyes or the eyes of the Roman Catholic church. Hence the wedding at his church. Of course, the priest told him, in front of me, that the vows would be meaningless to me, I would desert him in short order, moving on with my life, and he would be alone and tied to me forever, since our marriage was in "The" church. 40 years later, I would laugh and snub my nose at that old priest, except that he is undoubtedly dead by now, and what I feel is more like pity for his narrow and hateful ideas. All the priests I have known through the years (all the others) have been intelligent, kind men who also seem saddened by those old ideas, so I know that one man was not representative of the church.

posted by Witchflower on April 28, 2006 at 9:19 AM | link to this | reply

He's worth it, Darrke

I never thought I would love again. Just the fact that I am in this situation, considering marriage a fourth time, is a miracle in itself. He is a wonderful man and is better to me than I ever thought possible again... Yes... I love him alot

posted by mikes_goddess on April 28, 2006 at 9:02 AM | link to this | reply

You must love him a lot...I can't imagine going through all that red tape for anyone.

posted by DarrkeThoughts on April 27, 2006 at 10:16 PM | link to this | reply

Thank you Witchy!

It is so good to see you again. This whole thing is very confusing to me but I am wading through it. I was told about the whole ceremony vs. mass thing this morning by a friend of the family who just happens to be a priest... all these years I never knew that Mr. Mike was actually Father Mike. He says your description is correct... which is fine by me. I am up and walking but I doubt I could stand through a Mass. We plan to get married next May... if the annulments don't take longer. I must really want to marry Tom, huh?

Mike's Goddess

posted by mikes_goddess on April 27, 2006 at 11:16 AM | link to this | reply

How interesting

I married a Catholic, in a Catholic church, 40 years ago. I wasn't Catholic, but it was fine. I had to take "instructions" on the religion, and we couldn't stand inside the altar rail, and it was a ceremony, not a mass. Otherwise, no problem. Guess they've changed the rules.

Personally, I find paying for the "annulment" to be like the old, paying for indulgences the church practiced many years ago (the Middle Ages), kind of like spiritual extortion. I have known co-workers who married someone who had been married before, and they had annulments, but I didn't realize the annulment took so long. Perhaps it depends on the diocese.

You sound very giving and flexible, and I'm so happy for both of you. I wanted very much to be married in "my" church (the one I was a member of and attended), but I felt I gave that up willingly for my husband, and I have not regretted it. However, he now says he wishes we had done it differently, because he knows it meant more to me than to him. Funny how things work out.

Happy blessings on both of you!

posted by Witchflower on April 27, 2006 at 10:59 AM | link to this | reply

Thank You...

I have learned how fleeting time is.... I can't waste one moment doing enything without passion... and I get as well as I am giving