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Oh that is so sad, Lilane-
Nine years out and I can still hear your pain. It's so much easier to stay in a marriage I think. I know now that Mike would never have altered his present life, not really. He truly mourned the fact that we hadn't hooked up when we really had a chance. He dwelt on the past and I on the future. We still couldn't agree.....
Karma for us has not been in the cards, has it, you and I, when it comes to being with the one you love? I won't complain about my Jay. I just read that the same brain chemical that allows for the intense love you feel for each of your children is the same brain chemical that can allow you to love more that one man at one time. I could never explain that, especially to Mike. Jay always said, "Oh that, I just want YOU." Mike was all about the other's guys penis I think! HE wanted exclusive rights to my yani! I had my own ideas about who I offered my body to. (that is all MY choice) So I really DID luck out in the end and got the man who loved me the most. He'll be there for me no matter what.
I hope you DO find a man who deserves your sweet love, Lilane. He's out there somewhere (and he HAS to be well-hung, I read that, too!!!)
(you should be smilin' by now!)
Cee (the naughty!)
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on April 15, 2006 at 9:51 PM
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WILL WE EVER HEAL?
I have a soft spot in my heart for a married man that was going to divorce his wife of more then 30 years to marry me. He wanted me to go to Vegas with him and get married, but he felt bad for her as she had never worked and he stayed with her knowing she wouldn't make it alone, although he was chased to my heart because of her infidelity, but when her lover didn't want her no more she sought out her husband once again. As far as I know they are still together and I still remain alone and lonely.(That was over 9 years ago, if we ever run into each other he always tells me he still loves me)
posted by
Lanetay
on April 15, 2006 at 4:58 PM
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lilane
Thanks for stopping by for the read. I hadn't expected that singer to evoke a song that would be so profound but it stopped the tears. She is a great performer; since she writes her own lyrics and music making it personalized. Thank you for the read, and joining the healing hearts club. I'm recommending a book by
Michelle Langley that is helping me understand everything!
Women's Infidelity: Living In Limbo (What Women Really Mean When They Say, "I'm not happy.")
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on April 14, 2006 at 8:29 AM
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Brettnik-
Perfectly put, all right. I'm sure you are right. I know someday the pain will lesson and until then, I am the boss of my thoughts. I can't control the triggers but how I react to them is my challenge. Thanks so much for the positive thoughts!
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on April 14, 2006 at 8:21 AM
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heal over
I know of this, maybe not for the length of time, but for all the times I fipped head over heals and he didnt flip with me. I too relate to lyrics of songs and sometimes thats the hardest times listening to songs, but it helps us to at least cry a little. Good luck with all this.
posted by
Lanetay
on April 14, 2006 at 7:05 AM
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How hard must it be to get up everyday and see that your life
is not exactly what you expected it to become. Once you've had a taste of something different, it's kinda hard to go back to pretending you never knew it existed. This will be a long road, I am sure, but that song is so true; eventualy all things heal over. They might not look the same or work in exactly the same way, but they do heal over, leaving a just-visible scar behind. Maybe someday soon you won't even know it's there. I hope so!
posted by
brettnik
on April 14, 2006 at 6:57 AM
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LB -
I really like her! My daughter wondered why I kept playing "Heal Over" over and over. I told her it was speaking to me and wanting to imprint itself into my heart and mind.
Thanks for reading!
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on April 13, 2006 at 8:54 PM
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JW-
Thank you for your heartfelt response. Two old college sweethearts, reunited after 30 years, both married for 25+ years to others, we spent 8 exciting months in love until he hit his real life again - that's what happened to me in a nutshell. He went to traditional marriage counseling and continues to go. He's following the program to rebuild his marriage to the letter, sort of like a 12 step program. My husband loved me beyond my indiscretion. My lover was 1500 miles away and we had taken it to the point of plans on divorcing to marry each other. Then, overnight, all of a sudden, I was the loser. She wouldn't give him a divorce and he agreed to give their marriage a second chance. She'd had no sexual interest in him most of their marriage and none the last 5 years. Suddenly, her lioness instincts come to fore and she's hanging from the chandelier!!?? Their bedroom door was shut for the first time in years, for many hours at a time. (He told me.) It's really all he'd ever wanted -- her affection. They had two kids in highschool/junior high, and he
should finish his job of raising his family. She demanded no more contact with me and he acquiesced. (That's what hurt me the most.) I went to a few sessions with my husband, but he never demanded no more contact (in fact, the two of them have this mutual admiration thing going on!). After 5 months of no vocal contact, M. called me to ask that I let him go. The first 15 minutes he chatted and I listened. I ate up every second. The last 5 minutes of our conversation we said "I love you," "I always have," "I always will," to each other, both in tears, so the bridges aren't burned. It is a daily "12-step" take one day at a time for me at this time. I upset the balance when I sent him a book and a CD from Amazon for his birthday March 17, sent from a friend, and both were returned to Amazon with no word. The CD was the latest to bite the dust, thus leading to this latest funk. I just got official word from Amazon yesterday about getting a refund. The CD was "Goodbye My Lover Goodbye My Friend."
REJECT keeps being stamped across my heart.
So thank you for sharing your experience, my friend. A few words of understanding and 'I've been there' go a long long way.
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on April 13, 2006 at 8:47 PM
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Isn't music a wonderful thing???
It's helped me through a LOT.
KT Tunstall IS talented, isn't she?
~LB~ xoxo
posted by
Anony_Miss
on April 13, 2006 at 7:17 PM
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Wow..
I haven't been following you and I feel like I'm getting in on the butt end of a conversation but if you are where I was when I was in love with a married woman I know how it hurts. And I feel it all too sharp when I read your post and I wish you the best. Back and forth I'd go and she too with a deep love with me and I her and her obligation and commitment with her husband. Those are the most hurtful types of feelings and I'm sure I am not helping you one bit, I am truly sorry. But you can overcome it even though it seems like now, you can't. And I don't know the whole story and I'm sorry for that too I probably shouldn't even say anything to you, but I can feel your hurt and am compelled to do so anyway. I hope this was not a jerk thing to do......
posted by
SomeoneElse
on April 13, 2006 at 9:20 AM
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