Go to I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM
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Quirks! Where are you? Check in with us!
posted by
Georgia
on April 23, 2006 at 7:29 PM
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Hey there Quirky!
It has been a looong time since you posted... I hope you are still okay!
posted by
FactorFiction
on April 22, 2006 at 8:46 AM
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Quirky,
I'd sure like to know what's going on with this little dilemma.
posted by
word.smith
on April 22, 2006 at 8:16 AM
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Hi Quirks ... Just checking in ... Hope all is well! Miss you!
posted by
Georgia
on April 19, 2006 at 7:43 PM
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Happy Easter...
hope evth's allright with you...
posted by
Marshallengraved
on April 16, 2006 at 11:42 AM
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Hope you're OK.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on April 12, 2006 at 6:46 AM
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it's a tough decision but if you are already thinking
you'll regret not doing it, then do it and see how it works out! or take mini visits, every few months or so and stay for as long as you can - you said you could work from anywhere.
posted by
littlemspickles
on April 10, 2006 at 11:38 PM
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Hi Quirky
I agree with Lens. I think it doesn't have to be an all or nothing decision. Maybe if you plan to move in with them for just a month, you'll get a feel for whether or not you want to make it more permanent? You could get a house/pet sitter for the month. Just a thought! I totally understand how much you enjoy living alone - I'm the same way. Anyway, all the best to you, whatever you decide!
posted by
Georgia
on April 10, 2006 at 3:39 PM
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Quirkyalone
As a person who loves being alone and actually looks forward to living alone again someday, your writing here sure struck a chord with me. Good luck with your decision.
posted by
Nanaroo
on April 5, 2006 at 12:11 PM
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Just don't get more cats!
You know, they DO eat you when you die, if there is nothing else to eat.
I live alone, too, but I am so married to my job, it would be less than 3 hours before someone sent the cops to my door if I didn't show up or check in. Unless it was a weekend.
The problem with society, in general, is that we have become more and more isolated. Your experience is nothing new. W e have everything we need at home, never to have to have human interaction. We have made ourselves afraid to go out.
I hope you can get out there and live, live, live. Just remember that life is what's happening while you're busy planning it!
Good luck!
posted by
TXSwimmer
on April 5, 2006 at 11:59 AM
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Quirky--- This is a tough one. But you've made a good first step
in talking about it. Just a thought: you don't have to move in with your parents to start being involved with more people. You have a couple of issues here. Good luck.
posted by
Jazwolf
on April 4, 2006 at 10:10 AM
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Quirky...
I haven't visited your places for ages...hope that you're doing fine:)
posted by
Marshallengraved
on April 1, 2006 at 7:26 AM
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A hard decision Quirky
Yes, talk it out more yet eventually you have to listen to that inner voice and imho, should follow the direction revealed. I believe mine would tell me to move closer, in some way or form. But that is my personal feeling.
Wishes for peace and resolution.
posted by
Katray2
on March 31, 2006 at 2:00 PM
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Quirky
Well it is a huge decision for you and all I can think of is it might be a good idea to talk with a minister/priest/therapist, somebody you know?
Sometimes just hearing yourself talk will do the trick.
Of course nothing wrong with just doing it out of love of mother, as Lensman says below, as long as everybody is alright with that.
Good luck sweetiepie
posted by
WileyJohn
on March 31, 2006 at 11:41 AM
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Quirky
Look at it this way. I have no idea of your age, but let's say your mom's in her late seventies or eighties. You share a mother/daughter love, a personal tragedy, and the impulse to move in with your mom and stepdad is probably not a bad one, assuming everyone's happy with the idea. Your mom's in the winter of her life span and you could spend some very worthwhile and valuable time with her before you have to part. Who knows what positive discoveries await you there? You could get on each other's nerves occasionally, but, hey, that's human nature. Anyway, when it came time for your mom to pass on, you would still have many years ahead of you to return to and enjoy your preferred lifestyle
and be content in the knowledge that you shared some good years with your mom and probably brought her some happiness in the end. Anyway, I wish you the best in your decision making...
posted by
Lensman
on March 30, 2006 at 7:38 PM
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Quirks,
Sam's mother lost Sam's dad just before Christmas. We were already going down there as often as we could to see her father as he faded. We cancelled stuff and postponed stuff so that we could make time for the two of them and now we are visiting as often as we can. I'm a bit of a cabbie when we go, ferrying Sam and her mum to ordinary places, mostly shops, to do ordinary things. We all 3 of us love that time. We did consider going to live with her and are considering having her come to live with us, either here or in our second home in Keswick, making a new life for the three of us. All I can tell you is what we've done and hope it gives you some brainspace to think about what you want to do and what your mum wants you to do. At the moment, we are just doing what feels right on a week-to-week basis.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on March 30, 2006 at 9:06 AM
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Boy, Quirks....Not an easy call to make....
I like the comments you have received here...all very compassionate....I agree most with TAPS and Blackcat, too. Please find some way to spend some time with your mom. I understand your hesitancy and fear, and all those emotions. You have not had an easy life, nor has your family. I am not a mother, at least not yet, but, it is a difficult role to be in at times, I am sure. A mom loves so strongly and needs a little TLC, too, especially at the moment. I hope you can figure this one out....By the way, this was very nicely written, as usual...
posted by
MedusaNextDoor
on March 30, 2006 at 8:17 AM
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Quirky
You're in a pickle for sure. What does your heart tell you to do?
I made a run on a guy just two days ago who lived by himself. He fell and laid in the floor for two days, until someone noticed that he wasn't around and responding. Luckily, he was doing well, except for the urine soaked garments.
posted by
avant-garde
on March 30, 2006 at 2:30 AM
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Lost in your thoughts? Get a map!
Descartes: I think, therefore I AM.
Devil’s Advocate: If you are aware of your thoughts, then how can you be your thoughts?
To be continued...
posted by
The_Devils_Advocate
on March 29, 2006 at 11:21 PM
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Maybe go for an extended visit and see how that works.
At any rate good luck!
posted by
Whacky
on March 29, 2006 at 10:47 PM
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I don't know your history in your hometown but, as I read your post,
it made me wonder if that is why you are a loner. Taking care of elderly parents is big decision. I wish you well in your thought process and I hope my comment was helpful and not hurtful.
posted by
meeshe4
on March 29, 2006 at 9:18 PM
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Ah Quirky....
I know some of what you're feeling as I'm feeling it too and it's such a dilemma. One question to ask is if you would really enjoy living with your mother and stepfather or is it something you'd do out of guilt? Also are we really expected to give that much of ourselves to someone else? Maybe we are? I don't have those answers...I'm grappling with them myself. It sounds like you are content with your life and changing it would cause a lot of disruption for you...is it worth the sacrifice for your peace of mind? I'm sure you are a support to your mom, even from a distance and just perhaps...it would be a stronger relationship if it stayed from a distance? Just questions Quirky...I'm asking them of myself too. Hang in there and let us know if you do come up with a solution okay?
posted by
ginnieb
on March 29, 2006 at 3:37 PM
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Quirky, I think different seasons in our life call for different experience
I also think that when something has exhausted itself, it will melt into the next phase. The best medicine is just to trust that where you are now is for the best. Besides, if you went missing, bloggers would no doubt sniff you out......
posted by
Jomei
on March 29, 2006 at 2:29 PM
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Good luck with your decision making.
(B)
posted by
A-and-B
on March 29, 2006 at 2:08 PM
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At the moment I'd REALLY like to be alone...
so take it with a grain of salt when I say - "DON'T DO ANYTHING RASH!"
posted by
FactorFiction
on March 29, 2006 at 2:05 PM
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Quirkyalone
If you can figure out some way to spend some time with your mother, you will always be glad that you made that special effort. It will be very meaningful to you both.
posted by
TAPS.
on March 29, 2006 at 2:00 PM
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blackcat--
no, unfortunately we don't live driving distance apart, at least not in my book...it would take a full day and then some to get there from here...otherwise, yeah, I could see where your idea could work.
posted by
Julia.
on March 29, 2006 at 1:41 PM
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mysteria--
regrets are an unavoidable aspect of life I guess...but it's the decision making that really drives me crazy!! thanks for the visit.
posted by
Julia.
on March 29, 2006 at 1:39 PM
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After being alone, (of course I had my recluse daughter), for the past 20 years, I can relate to what you are saying. I made the choice to raise her without any outside influence (i.e., dysfunctional relationships), and I just got used to it, and liked it -- a lot! lol
I do think one adjusts to being alone so well that the thought of someone else in your space becomes just that, the thought of someone being in your space 
. I frankly don't find anything odd about enjoying your own company -- it makes you better company for someone else when they do happen along. vpate
posted by
VictoriaP
on March 29, 2006 at 1:38 PM
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Blanche--
Living an hour or so away would be ideal--I applied for a job once that was a doable drive for long distances...didn't get it though it would have been nice to be "close but not too close."
posted by
Julia.
on March 29, 2006 at 1:38 PM
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Quirkyone
I don't see anything wrong with being a loner. I've always been one. Yes I have been married and had boyfriends and all that, but I couldn't live with my kids and I dang sure wouldn't want them to live with me...and I do love them!
It's hard to make tough decisions like that...
posted by
Offy
on March 29, 2006 at 1:25 PM
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I'd never suggest you leave the cats.... !!!
Once you have it set up for them to be comfortable there, it won't be so hard.... it would take some spending... setting up an office area at your mom's, plus cat supplies etc... this way you aren't lugging stuff back and forth. But at least you'd have a way to see and help your mom while also not giving up your independent space... and you could escape that town whenever you needed to.
I know I've probably oversimplified the whole thing... but I think that's what I'd try to do. Are you driving distance? I assumed you are... flying the cats is a different story. 
posted by
-blackcat
on March 29, 2006 at 1:18 PM
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Passionflower says it good...
Something like, no matter what we choose to do we will always have regrets...It is very human....(((((QuirkyAlone))))) I'm quirky and often very alone too... Best to you
posted by
mysteria
on March 29, 2006 at 1:15 PM
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Quirky,
This is a dilemma that I hope not to have to face for a while. My mother lives close, but not too close: a ferry ride and an hour's drive away. I'm not sure that I could do it, either, that is live with her. I hope there's some other solution. Can't help but feel guilty, huh?
posted by
Blanche.
on March 29, 2006 at 1:14 PM
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lovelylady--
thank you for your very nice comment. I do know what he did is no reflection upon me, but still, my family will always be judged by some. It doesn't bother me as much living away from it all, not sure how I'd feel living there.
As for my mom coming to see me, she isn't well enough to travel, unfortunately.
posted by
Julia.
on March 29, 2006 at 1:08 PM
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Quirky,
You obviously care a great deal for your mother....I know there are no easy answers to your dilema, but you made good points about regreting having the opportunity to spend more time with her and not doing so.
As I've said before, what your brother did is not a reflection of who you are...It doesn't change the fact that you and your mother love him. I can't imagine what you must go through sometimes...
Maybe one solution would be to pay for your mom to come and see you? Depending on how far apart you are now, of course...Peace to you.
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on March 29, 2006 at 1:01 PM
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BC--
I couldn't leave my three cats for a month, and taking them back and forth would be insane. Not to mention, taking all the stuff I'd need for my business. But thank you for the suggestion.
posted by
Julia.
on March 29, 2006 at 12:56 PM
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why not split your time for a while? spend a month or so with them...
but don't give up your place. If you're not bound by a job (locally) and won't have to pay them rent (presumably), then it seems the most feasible. I wouldn't be able to just up and move... but a small dose here and there might not kill you?
posted by
-blackcat
on March 29, 2006 at 12:44 PM
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