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Dear Angel,Thank you for reading. There will be a new installment today.
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on February 17, 2006 at 8:45 AM
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dear Maggie,
Yes, it does indeed work out in the end. Mike has sent me no more e-mails as he's been trying to do for months. This time he really isn't. Can't say it's easy not hearing from him, but I'm adjusting. Jay and I are working on the areas we need to but as in Mike's case, it's a process of learning how to bring it out. It is not flowing out as easily as it did between Mike and I and he's said the same on his side, so we are trying to pull out what we loved about each other out of our spouses now. It's not as easy when it just doesn't happen. I'm trying to get Jay to hav some Mike-lke qualities and Mike is trying to get the same Carole qualities he got from me from his 1st wife. It is very hard to retell this story so it may be sporadic on some days. One reason it is hard is because I need to interject the ways Jay was pulling away from me and how there were days HE was ready to leave our marriage, and he knew nothing about Mike at the time. Mike's marriage was just a shell, an agreement, and it took a while for him to see that, too. One of the reason's he couldn't talk to me via e-mail anymore is that our love is too strong - period - and he can't grow back with her and have me on the side. I understand that and I suppose if I'd admit it, the same would happen here. So it's healthier for us both to stick to our agreements not to talk to each other unless and until we both find ourselves still alive and widowed. Whew -
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on February 17, 2006 at 8:38 AM
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My dear Cee.....
Your story is a wonderful story, full of love and feeling. I'm beginning to understand your need and your feeling for Mike now. It would be very difficult living with an inattentive husband when you needed him to love and stroke you more than ever, with your illness.
It's my feeling that you may have been much more ill had you not had Mike's emails and letters to feed on. Love surely does work wonders. It's too bad Jay couldn't see this happening to you. He really had the blinders on.
Well, knowing that it all works out on the end (it does work out, doesn't it?), I can't be too awfully hard on you for looking for love. Mike's affections may very well have contributed to your getting well - I'm sure they did.
Whatever it takes to get you up and running - I'm sure God has forgiven you. I have. 
posted by
MaggieMae
on February 17, 2006 at 5:06 AM
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posted by
anglofinspirtion
on February 15, 2006 at 8:41 PM
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Hi there, Angel!
The marriages on both our sides are to be the major conflict in this true tale. Jay & I are still having some problems, but I talk more about them now. If I don't point something out to Jay, he doesn't know he's fallen back to the old ways. I learned how it was easier to be passive than assert myself, so I have to keep communicating. the romantic part and the spiritual part of this love story has yet to be told. It will be a beautiful love story; a fairy tale, I'm afraid. I thought it could come true, but my prince charming lost his nerve and is now "learning" what it feels like to fall in love with his wife again. To do that, he can't talk to me because my heart where his heart has made a home. I hope he's happy because I won't hurt my husband twice. I will tell this story though. I'm sure there will be tears as I retell it.
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on February 15, 2006 at 8:29 PM
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Cee,
If it weren't for the married part, I would say this is a beautiful love story. I wish that your life was as you wish it, that your PD was more under control and you had more energy to healing your heart and your marriage.
I know though, that healing a marriage is a two way street, it cannot be saved by one person and it cannot be saved just by Jay staying with you. I hope he is doing more to be a part of the healing....
Angel
posted by
anglofinspirtion
on February 15, 2006 at 7:22 PM
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