Go to MY PERCEPTIVE REFLECTION!!
- Add a comment
- Go to I NEED TO BE HONEST AND EXPRESSIVE - CAN YOU SPARE ME THE TIME PLEASE???
Thank you anthony1wiley ...I will do that
- you are great
posted by
_Symphony_
on February 10, 2006 at 2:27 AM
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Thanks avant-garde
posted by
_Symphony_
on February 10, 2006 at 2:26 AM
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Thanks malcolm
posted by
_Symphony_
on February 10, 2006 at 2:26 AM
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Thank you ever so much Justsouno
posted by
_Symphony_
on February 10, 2006 at 2:25 AM
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Thank you SuccessWarrior
posted by
_Symphony_
on February 10, 2006 at 2:18 AM
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Thanks for your comment anglofinspirtion
posted by
_Symphony_
on February 10, 2006 at 2:16 AM
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Thank you Jazwolf
posted by
_Symphony_
on February 10, 2006 at 2:16 AM
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Wow Passionflower...you sure tell it like it is....thanks for that.
I am so sorry that you also feel down and out......please take care ..email me anytime and thank you so much for that comment...
posted by
_Symphony_
on February 10, 2006 at 2:15 AM
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SYMPHONY
You are doing well. You and I can relate on a cerain level because my drug of choice was alcohol.
It has been 39 years now without it, and all I can share with you my lovin' girl is that I start every day on my knees. No big fancy prayer mind, I just say, Thank You for another day sober.
It gets better luv, don't think too much, say thanks every morning and all will be answered to you I promise.
posted by
WileyJohn
on February 9, 2006 at 9:43 PM
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SYMPHONY
You're doing remarkably well in that you are feeling and expressing your pain at all. Many would drown themselves in alcohol and drugs, or God knows what else. Hang in there are remember that it all has a specific purpose for you.
posted by
avant-garde
on February 9, 2006 at 1:27 PM
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You can never think too much
and looks like your positive attitude is seeing you along the right path. I wish you every success.
posted by
malcolm
on February 9, 2006 at 1:23 PM
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Symphony, you have come such a long way. You said you had forgiven
yourself, which is such a growth step in itself. You also said God has forgiven you... There is a Scripture that says he puts all your sins in the lake of forgetfulness when you come to him with your sins asking him to forgive them. It is my feeling that he helps you to forget them too. I have forgotten a lot. It bothered me for a while that I couldn't get there. I think we only remember what we need if we are truly trying to grow, you are! You have done so well!!!
posted by
Justi
on February 9, 2006 at 1:07 PM
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It seems like you are already taking steps in the right direction
I wouldn't diminish in the least the progress that you have already made.
posted by
SuccessWarrior
on February 9, 2006 at 11:49 AM
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SYMPHONY,
Sweetie, let me first say' "Yes, you think too, much!". I know this because, I too, think too, much! I think we dumb down the feelings so much while the pain is so strong, that when it is physically over, we don't know how to actually feel. All of our emotions are skewed and we begin to mimic others in how they react to situations. By that time, we are really screwed up.
Stay strong for your children and remember, good thoughts, good thoughts!
Angel
posted by
anglofinspirtion
on February 9, 2006 at 10:57 AM
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Symphony--- You can't "push the river." When the time is right, you'll
write about that past. But just writing about anything is a great start, not just for others to have something to read but for you to better understand yourself. Congrats on being brave enough to do that.
posted by
Jazwolf
on February 9, 2006 at 10:52 AM
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You do an excellent job here of explaining how you feel.
You make us aware of your pain and your life-struggle. That in itself is art.
You're a human being though. All those things you've been thru...though you have gone thru them and successfully...they each one had a profound effect on you...
Being abused as a child is an issue in itself that many of us need years of therapy to deal with.
Losing your siblings the way you did, again though you got over these events and went on with your life, these events had a devastating affect on you.
It's sort of like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I Sometimes get that from what I do for a living. And here's how it works for me.
I go out on the road for months living in my car and a hotel room. I work 95 hours a week. I don't get time for any R & R but am constantly exposed to emotionally distraught people and dangerous environments. Though I do successfully make it thru these events, they none the less take a toll on my body and my emotions.
When I get home, I collapse and need alot of rest to deal with what I've been thru.
In your case, you'll need more than rest. You'll need some loving, affirmative counseling. A good strong network of support from family and friends. Plus prayer and God's blessing. I pray you get those things.
Never feel like anything's wrong with you though, because you can't face this pain alone. Humans were never meant to face such tragedies alone. We're supposed to uphold each other and try to make our journey easier by caring for one another.
posted by
Passionflower
on February 9, 2006 at 10:37 AM
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Congratulations to you fourcats
You must be very proud of yourself...thank you ever so much for sharing that with me...I guess it raises more hope...Thank you for listening and sharing apart of you with me.....much appreciated.
posted by
_Symphony_
on February 9, 2006 at 9:19 AM
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Thank you so much AC_Allyn
for reading and commenting....I guess your right -it will come when it's ready....Thank you
posted by
_Symphony_
on February 9, 2006 at 9:17 AM
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i agree
i agree with ac allyn that it will come out when you're strong enough. what's important is knowing that it's bottled and you want it out.
when i quit drinking i didn't know i was an alcoholic. i quit because i was working in the film industry and i wanted my face/eyes to be clear for the camera. two years into sobriety i had a nervous breakdown. i got myself an excellent therapist (and if you decide to get one, shop around. don't settle until you find the one that your heart tells you is the right one - f***ing doctors and their prescription pads). anyway, doc explained that it took the two years for the toxins to finally leave my body, leaving me with the causes for my drinking. because the causes were all that was left, they were sharp and painful.
it was five years before i was even able to grasp HOW MUCH i drank, it was staggering, i don't know how i'm alive. bit by bit, i've come to terms with what's gone on and now, fifteen plus years sober, i'm on fire baby! my life has taken on such richness and i am able to share that wealth with others which is SUCH a great feeling.
so don't stress. there's no set timeline. allow yourself to love yourself, work on what you can. if your heart is headed in the right direction your head will follow.
posted by
fourcats
on February 9, 2006 at 8:59 AM
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Symphony ~
You have such a big heart! This post is very touching... I think maybe you just need to be patient, and God will let you realease those emotions when he feels you are ready. You are strong and intelligent. I don't feel sorry for you, or pity you--I admire you for getting through all of that and coming out on top.
posted by
AC_Allyn
on February 9, 2006 at 8:37 AM
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RachelAnna ...that really makes sense...I am sorry you are going
through it too, but am pleased you understand....if I find any answers I will sure to let you know...thank you for listening...I am so glad to see you around here again - I do hope you don't leave....take care and thanks again for sharing this with me.
posted by
_Symphony_
on February 9, 2006 at 6:44 AM
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Wow.
I can really relate to what you are saying here. I'm struggling with this same thing right now, I feel like I have all this pent up energy and emotion but I am sort of afraid/unable to let it out. Even good emotions don't come easily. I think perhaps it is because we have been guarded and protecting ourselves from hurt for so long that we've forgotten how to express ourselves. I dunno, I also don't know what to do about it!
posted by
RachelAnna
on February 9, 2006 at 6:37 AM
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Thank you ever so much MaggieMae
but that is my problem...I cant confront the feelings to let them out...I cant voice my feelings to a therapist or anybody...I am trapped inside...I want to let it out...but I cant find the answer on how , but thank you so much for listening and taking the time to comment me some advice...much appreciated.
posted by
_Symphony_
on February 9, 2006 at 5:05 AM
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Wow, Symphony, this is powerful, Honey....
You are such a sweetheart with a lot of responsibility raising two children on your own.
From reading your post, I think you want to release those bad feelings or things that have happened to you and in my opinion, I think you would be happier if you did. Have you ever talked to a therapist? Perhaps, that's the way to go, or you know we all love you dearly and are willing to listen and give you our best evaluations or advice.
Symphony, it isn't healthy to carry those feeling inside, you need a release. I would advise you to find a way to release them. Even if you sat down and wrote them all out and put them into some kind of writings to help others with similar experiences. Let it all out, don't keep it inside your pretty little head - one day it will explode if you don't.
Those are my thoughts. I want to see you happy and well emotionally, as well as physically.
God bless, Sweetie, and kiss the babies for me. (((((hugs))))) 
posted by
MaggieMae
on February 9, 2006 at 4:38 AM
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ahhh thanks A....
I needed to get this out - thanks for listening
posted by
_Symphony_
on February 9, 2006 at 4:37 AM
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This is an expressive autobiography. Who says you can't write?!
(A)
posted by
A-and-B
on February 9, 2006 at 3:34 AM
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