Go to Miaella's Little Black Book.
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- Go to I noticed the most puzzling thing about relationships!
it's funny , isn't it?? i mean, the one who's the quietest about the little things, is the one who tries the hardest to make the relationship work, for whatever unknown reason, and then is the one left broken hearted. and the one who doesn't put in the effort, usually thinks they put in the most effort, makes people miserable, becuase they are miserable unless they are treated like crap. go figure.
posted by
daisysface
on November 10, 2005 at 4:29 PM
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fwmystic
He didn't treat me bad. He just couldn't see himself ever getting married to me, so he ended things. Some people sting people along forever, so it could have been worse.
And he put his friends and career first - he wouldn't have if I had been the one though.
posted by
MiaElla
on November 3, 2005 at 7:52 AM
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Just another example ...
of a girl falling for someone who treats them like crap. I guess it's true, you can catch more women with vinegar than you can with honey.
posted by
fwmystic
on November 2, 2005 at 8:21 PM
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Mia
just wanted to drop in and say hi! Hope you are feeling better these days!
posted by
cosy
on November 2, 2005 at 2:06 PM
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You're such a sweetie Mia!
posted by
ginnieb
on November 2, 2005 at 1:42 PM
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Hmmm I'm going to have to think about that one
I think there's definitely some truth in it.
posted by
jollyjeff
on November 2, 2005 at 8:40 AM
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wow, you sure made me think....Hmmmm and I got to say you are right!
posted by
_Symphony_
on November 2, 2005 at 8:06 AM
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Have you read Women Who Love Too Much" ?????????????????????????????
"The person who is the unhappiest tends to work to make the relationships better. The person who has no reason to be unhappy breaks it off"
Reading the book can be painful but it maybe illuminating and helpful.
Take care and self nurture heaps,
Jo
posted by
brisbane_artist
on November 2, 2005 at 2:59 AM
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I don't know much about this kinda stuff, just about art.
I liked "Firestorm," but I didn't know if you'd see my comment if I made it over at that blog. Thanks for stopping by to see me.
posted by
donaldoji
on November 1, 2005 at 9:32 PM
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Over the years, I think working
relationships have give and take cycles, like a imagine a spinning ying-yang. Sometimes one person is happier than the other, but it usually balances out. I am sorry it didn't work out for you with Riel, but I didn't get the impression you were really that impressed with him from the beginning. It's just like you said, he filled a need. Don't give up on relationships! Take care
posted by
Flumpystalls3000
on November 1, 2005 at 4:38 PM
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I know the feeling dear
It seems as if the unhappy is kind of damn if you do damned if you don't. It the same with DLY, he drives me nuts. I really wish there was someway of putting the pieces of the puzzel together. ~Silly
posted by
SillySoul88
on November 1, 2005 at 3:53 PM
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YEP
Seems to be my truth.........................my discovery in this life also. Great blog.
posted by
ALWAYSALOVER
on November 1, 2005 at 1:18 PM
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Well,
Do you have any male friends there you'd consider having more with? Maybe you should think about opening a dimensional door (sorry, wearing a hood, mask and cape for halloween has D&D on my brain) and letting one of them in. I know people get worried about not wanting to lose what they have with the friend, but they don't all end up like that.
posted by
AlienInsomniac
on November 1, 2005 at 10:36 AM
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Mia!
This is the most sad thing I've read. I don't know what kind of men you are attracting into your life, but I have to say that that rule you are applying is so not true. It's not true for me anyway. However, a rule I do believe in is you get what you ask for. Ask for what you want and deserve and you'll get it. I think what's key in this post is that you didn't love. Open yourself to love.....to give and experience and also to receive. Don Henley says it best...."and the heavens shot back, you get the love that you allow."
*hugs*
posted by
Wildwoman_Laloba
on November 1, 2005 at 10:28 AM
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That's absolutely right.
And when the person who isn't as happy tries to turn things their way, that's when the fighting happens. I think it also has a lot to do with who is dominant in the relationship.
posted by
_the_staggering_genius_
on November 1, 2005 at 10:26 AM
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Quirkyalone
yup...if only love could be as simple as it is when it is romaticized in theory
posted by
MiaElla
on November 1, 2005 at 10:23 AM
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CesiumClockWatcher
odd, isnt it?
posted by
MiaElla
on November 1, 2005 at 10:22 AM
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Mia--
There is a lot of truth to what you say...although perhaps one cannot say it's an absolute...still I think for many, we want to be loved so we might work hard to save something that isn't even worth saving after all.
posted by
Julia.
on November 1, 2005 at 10:18 AM
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That is the most succinct and to the point description of everything I have been dealing with all my life.
posted by
AlienInsomniac
on November 1, 2005 at 10:13 AM
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cosy
I tend to think it's me...that I'm completely unlovable as a person...which is unfortunate because I'm filled with love for others...doesn't seem fair...
But my family and friends love me...
I don't get what it is about men I'm trying to date...that they can't see in me, what other people can....
I hope I figure it out in this life time though...lol!
posted by
MiaElla
on November 1, 2005 at 10:08 AM
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Krisles
I get it...there are hairs and tears in some of the paintings I have done, and in the scarves I've made....I look back and reflect on them often....
posted by
MiaElla
on November 1, 2005 at 10:06 AM
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Miaella
you say so much in between the lines...I've always gathered that vibe in your blogs about Riel. I do hope you know...it isn't like that always...if you find someone who has also learned the hard way...to be appreciative of love and of loving the right way knowing what goes around comes around....one day...perhaps you...will teach Riel that...the hard way. Keep on smiling! You are beautiful inside out! Cosy
posted by
cosy
on November 1, 2005 at 9:57 AM
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MiaElla
It wasn't the keeping busy I was trying to do when I do these things....it was the center my mind for thinking and meditating.....and have something tangible that I now look at and connect to a time in my life, and feelings, and lessons learned....a touchstone, if you will....I have a Christmas stocking I made after the love of my life killed himself that when I look closely at, I can see hairs from my head woven in with the yarn...those are threads of the me that sat there crying tears of sorrow, putting myself back together......I reconnect with her everytime I touch that stocking....probably sounds crazy. Since I discovered those hairs, I always look at old needlework and tapestries to find hairs from the women who sat and make them.
posted by
Krisles
on November 1, 2005 at 9:19 AM
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Unidentified_Hacker
Good to see you! I You!
I guess that's what I was trying to do, huh?
Stupid me!
posted by
MiaElla
on November 1, 2005 at 9:11 AM
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Cypress
I don't mind watching football, baseball, boxing, or hockey....but I wouldn't watch it by myself on a regular basis...okay hockey I would....I only hate golf and car races...unless I'm actually at the car race, then I can tolerate it...
posted by
MiaElla
on November 1, 2005 at 9:10 AM
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Krisles
I crochet, paint, make gourmet choclates, and jewelry...so I have lots of things to keep me busy...but they all remind me of how much of a "little old lady" I am for being young still...lol...
posted by
MiaElla
on November 1, 2005 at 9:09 AM
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Mia
I’ve been there. I thought I was trying to make the other person happy when I suddenly realized I was just trying to make myself happy.
posted by
Unidentified_Hacker
on November 1, 2005 at 9:05 AM
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MIAELLA
WOW! I girl that likes boxing. I’m sure you only wanted to be there for him. Being a male, all I can say is, “ All men are bad, and some are just worst that others”. Few of us inherited the sensitivity gene. I will tippy toe out of your blog now. Hope the future wholes better relationships for you.
posted by
Cypress
on November 1, 2005 at 8:39 AM
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MiaElla
I think that was a very interesting observation about your past relationships...now, don't forget it as you go forward into the future ones, make use of it....I'm going to process it a little myself. If I'd ever actually learned from my mistakes in love, I think the mistakes I made early on would have been really good ones to have made...if that makes any sense whatsoever.... Glad to hear you're letting one day at a time do its thing....do you do any needleworl? Might make something this Christmas to have....it's very good for the mind to work with the hands.....I did petitpointe...stockings or ornaments maybe...
posted by
Krisles
on November 1, 2005 at 8:28 AM
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Actually Mia
What you did was the adult thing to do. With the right person, you have wonderful skills for making one heck of a very good and strong relationship. If they aren't listening (listening means SHOWING that he got what you said) drop kick his butt out the door.
posted by
Bel_
on November 1, 2005 at 8:11 AM
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jojostar
See and I talk about things...I tell people exactly how I feel...
Although I did hold back a lot of who I am because it didn't seem to fit what he wanted. Perhaps he could sense that...
I'm fine really....bracing myself for Christmas (was my brother's b-day) and the anniversary of his death (Jan. 30)...it's going to be a hard long winter....
The break-up just doesn't help things...but I'll survive...I always do...
Thanks for being here for me!
posted by
MiaElla
on November 1, 2005 at 8:01 AM
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ginnieb
I know you do...
That's why I love you and your post so much.
posted by
MiaElla
on November 1, 2005 at 7:56 AM
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Military_Wife
When I was mad...instead of blowing up at him...like I've seen many people in my family do, I opted for telling him how I felt, and what could be done to make me happy, and why I felt what he did was wrong....I guess yelling probably would have worked better though...
posted by
MiaElla
on November 1, 2005 at 7:55 AM
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Interesting Mia...
..when I was married (the first time) I was unhappy in the relationship (happy about everything else) but I worked hard at trying to make it right and make the marriage work. He seemed happy. He was oblivious to my unhappiness. Yet I worked harder. I guess that's just another slant on the relationship thingy and I know that feeling of trying to fill the hole in your heart....*hugs*
posted by
ginnieb
on November 1, 2005 at 7:36 AM
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Mia
I've learned so much about myself throughout the years because of the way I've been in relationships. I think it is possible for both people to truly be happy in relationships. Communication is so important. I've had to learn to speak up and let it be known what makes me happy of course there is a certain amount of negotiating that goes on but I am willing now to walk away if I can't be true to myself. I hope your heart is healing.
posted by
jojostar
on November 1, 2005 at 7:35 AM
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Mia
Please don't take this as an insult to you because it's not intended. You fell into the trap many do and you put his happiness over your own. In the future if someone makes you mad, tell them so. You are a beautiful person and you deserve happiness. Accept nothing less than the best for yourself.
A piece of advice I gave my niece who started college this year: If you accept poor treatment you are telling that person that is all you are worthy of (Ignore the poor grammar there). If you accept less than what you want or need, you will get less.
posted by
Bel_
on November 1, 2005 at 7:34 AM
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