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AJ,
This is so strange...
My Mom's birthday is Feb. 2, Groundhog Day, and your family situation is very similar to mine, the triangle.
God bless us both, and our Moms, too!
posted by
songbirdshafer
on December 8, 2005 at 11:58 PM
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My dad passed away on Groundhog Day of 2004, and...
...my mom and I still miss him but are consoled in how each day we live is another day closer to being with him again--not that we have death wishes or anything like that and still have a lot to do on this side.
In my case, we're 52 (for five more days) and 83, and we both take care of each other, doing the things that we're best at.
I think, if anything, we've become even closer--though I can hardly see how that's possible, as we've always been very close.
When my dad was around, we were The Phillips (3) (a.k.a. The Three Bears), and, in our hearts, we still are!
At this time, my mom's still very independent--in fact, has made a trip today to go visit her younger brother. They've gotten to getting together about once-a-month to enjoy sharing a meal out and a lot of conversation. It's a round trip of about 140 miles, and she has a car while he doesn't.
She should be home by now, so I think I'm going to call her and make sure that she made it there and back without any problems. I know that she would definitely want to be home now, because it's getting to be dark.
Blessings!
AJ 
Have you ever heard of
Baby Bear AJ's Work-In-Progress?
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posted by
Ainsley_Jo_Phillips
on December 7, 2005 at 2:59 PM
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My heart goes out to you...
Your stepfather's situation is far worse than mine. I am not dealing with a nursing home situation.
The best solution is prayer and love. I've read that resentment goes with the territory, but I struggle not to let it. After all, what will I be like at 77? Will I even be alive at 77?
Unfortunately, there are no easy answers in a support/caregiver situation. In your stepfather's situation, would he and his younger sister be willing to join a support group? Just talking, though it often solves nothing, is very healing. Listening helps teach us, too. My mother is fond of saying that whenever we're talking we're not learning anything; it is when we listen that we learn.
She may be critical of me very often, but she's a wise woman, that Mom of mine. May God bless you always, and may your dance be a slow, gentle waltz.
posted by
songbirdshafer
on October 27, 2005 at 11:31 PM
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Songbird
Though my mother is not eldery, we have already begun to dance the dance of aging together. I am 33. She is 52. In the past several years, she has changed greatly. She is not the warrior she used to be, and I've found that our roles to one another are slowly changing. This makes me sad, as I liked the way it was before; however, I have accepted this is part of life. So I'll continue the dance and pray for the best.
My stepfather is currently dealing with what you are dealing with. His mother is in a nursing home and he and his younger sister are responsible for being her primary caregivers outside the scope of what the nursing home can provide. In the last 5 years, my stepfather has gone from being patient and tolerant of his mother to down right hating having to visit her. Though he continues to take her supper, 2 nights a week, he's angry and hard to get along with the day he must go and the day after he's been. He's impatient with her. He's hard on her. And try as he might, he can't overcome the bitterness he feels. His mother is in the early stages of Alzheimers, which doesn't make things any easier. Unfortunately, my stepfather and his sister are to the point that they love their mother; however, despise the aging process. It's very sad.
posted by
Masky
on October 27, 2005 at 8:17 AM
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