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Whew, found you again
Have you ever tried to track someone specific down here? It's hard.
Well, I enjoyed your short story although I did initially get a little confused with the earlier that day part. I understand why you did that - it gives a good twist to the tail. It just seems to jar a bit at the earlier that day part. I don't know how you'd change it without ruining the twist though. Overall an excellent plotline. I also thought you need not mention the part of the 17th century musket fire - It seems a little superfluous. I think you'd already established that it was olden days by the use of highwaymen and stage coaches etc. The heroine wouldn't have thought in terms of 17th centuary - she wouldn't have known of any other future improvements.
I really hope I haven't been too harsh with you but it looks like you've got a brilliant imagination and I think you write a really good story. The story had me hooked and I am looking forward to reading more. Please don't let the points I brought up discourage you in any way, I am not an expert. I really look forward to reading more and please feel free to critique any of my work at any time.
posted by
fionajean
on October 24, 2005 at 4:50 AM
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