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ravencat
that's good, because it seemed as though I were rambling on about nothing in particular. I'm glad you sorted through it and found resolution. sorry to hear about your uncle.
posted by
avant-garde
on October 1, 2005 at 5:55 PM
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Avant-garde
Thank you. What you said, really helped alot. As always, you state things beautifully and succinctly. I can relate to your situation with your mother-in-law. In the past, I had alot of hatred for my brother-in-law (this lasted for many years). One day, in reflection/meditation, I finally realized that I just had to let go & forgive. I got myself prepared & started to apologize to him, but he kept saying "what are you apologizing to me for?" I kept explaining & apologizing, but after 3 or so trys (with him saying the same thing), I finally got the idea that I didn't really need to apologize to him. It was done, over....the forgiving & apologizing was for me (this time).
I guess what I was trying to do with this post was....I was getting frustrated with myself with what's been going on lately. Perhaps all I need to do is reflect on what needs to be let go...especially the fear. Thanks. 
posted by
ravencat18
on October 1, 2005 at 5:28 AM
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ravencat
powerful post. you are honest, which is more than many people will even admit. having and holding enmity is normal. sometimes we don't even realize we are doing it. for me, it always expressed itself as a negative attitude. my sister is overweight. her sorrow at not being loved unconditionally by my dad translated into her own self-abuse with food and anxiety/dependency.
putting off apologizing is to buy a little more time. but what we are afraid of is the letting go of being a 'victim'. we can assume the higher ground if we hold onto another's slight, as if it were a pacifier. what i've found is that my own responsibility for being guilty is a hard thing to swallow.
i don't know where this is going, but i would like to add one thing. my mother-in-law and i get along great now. i hated her for a long time. i said a lot of mean things. though i never really apologized, i don't feel i need to anymore. i don't see a hint of resentment in her when i'm around. but, maybe i need to forgive myself for what i've said. i think that is the issue.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 30, 2005 at 1:16 PM
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Hemlocker
Thank you for your comments. Advice when given can either be ignored or used...don't belittle the fact that you offered your thoughts -- I asked for comments, and you were thoughtful enough to post them. Can't say that I will go to a "professional" counselor...mainly because I'm the one who has to do the work, and I know what needs be done. (just have to get up off my a** and do it). As far as being surprised at my age, well....please don't take offense, but if you look around at the other blogs out there you will see that many other people, besides myself are struggling with the same challenges. Just because we struggle, doesn't mean that we lack maturity. Knowing what the struggle is, is half the battle...a much younger person wouldn't even realize this. Again, I thank you for letting me know what you think.
posted by
ravencat18
on September 30, 2005 at 12:45 PM
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ravencat18--
Thoughts do have power, but so do circumstances, what we have to face every day and how we do it or not. Things left in the "do later" pile, rarely get done. It's sort of like the slush pile at the publishing house. I have to say, when I read your post I thought you might indeed be 18, so I went to your "about me" page and found that you are 52. This was a surprise for me. If all these emotional and relationship issues are still impacting your life negatively on a regular basis, perhaps an objective counselor or doctor can help. But who am I? Just some data floating in cyberspace. Hemlocker
posted by
Hemlocker
on September 30, 2005 at 11:17 AM
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