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Believe it or not,
I was 29 when I had sex for the first time. Part of me liked the woman I was with and part of me was tired of being a virgin and just wanted to get it over with. So my first time ended up being a booty call more than anything. There was very little passing for intimacy in that encounter. I ended up regretting it for a lot of years afterwards.
What I learned from that time and what I told a really good friend when she was 17 is this: your virginity is one thing such that once you give it away, you can never get it back. So it is better to wait rather than give it to the wrong person. Now that is not a popular opinion, by any means, but as someone who stepped down the wrong tine of the fork in the road, it is one that I would stick by. You're talking about an act that lasts somewhere between 5 minutes and an hour, depending on the guy. That's it. One very short block of time out of your whole life. Think about it. You've been alive 29 years. People lose their virginity over a coffee break. So it's not something to approach with a cavalier attitude. It needs to be taken seriously. Believe me, I understand loneliness and wanting and not wanting to be left again. But honey, the right guy will wait. Finding him is the task.
I love sex and intimacy and all the sensations and feelings that go along with it. I like erotica. You'll probably see me commenting on posts in the MA area from time to time. But if I could go back to 1992 and make a different decision, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I can think, right now, of two or three other women I could have shared that experience with had I waited a few months, and I really believe I'd probably still be in California today.
I know some folks who read this comment won't believe there could be such a thing as a 29 year old guy virgin. But hey, there's a movie about a 40 year old one, so go figure.
posted by
AlienInsomniac
on August 12, 2005 at 1:35 AM
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Hey...
I am the same way about one guy forever and all... but until you find that guy, how do you know he's the one unless you know how it feels to be romantically involved with him? The men feel the same way about women. They don't want to marry someone unless they know they have a great chemistry in the bed with the girl they are involved with. All people are picky about their sex life and you can't really have a great one if one person wants one thing and the other person wants another thing. I'd say go for it, explore, but use protection. If it doesn't work out with the first guy you have sex with, then oh well. At least you will know what you want with the second guy.... and that may make you realize he's the one for you because he just may like the same sexual things you do.
posted by
Sunnykins
on August 11, 2005 at 10:45 PM
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Don't ask me...I'm too busy having sex with the shower massager and fantasizing about...well, is he worth my giving up all THIS to have REAL sex?? Probably not. LOL!!
~Mama.Dragonfly487
posted by
Mama.Dragonfly
on August 11, 2005 at 4:21 PM
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In my opinion, MiaElla...
You should have sex with as many hot trustworthy men you can find. This means that he'll sleep over (if you want him to, of course!) after doing "it," and treat you with respect afterwards. I hated when I would choose to hook up with someone and right after, they'd want to leave or something...that really bothered me, sometimes! So if the guy is great, and he's hot and you're attracted to him, why NOT do it? It's so much fun when it's fresh and exciting! Married sex, sorry to say, can get boring! But oh the one night stands? I can STILL remember the HOT SEX!!!!! Wowie!!!!!
posted by
buttsup
on August 11, 2005 at 4:11 PM
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I'm gonna have to rent that movie...
Pros and Cons? Hmm.. Well, there are pros such as experiencing physical closeness like never before, umm... I feels good?! LMAO! Cons? Well... as long as you use protection there isn't too many cons.
Yeah, I think I'd die in place of my husband. No doubt in my mind.
posted by
RachelAnna
on August 11, 2005 at 6:13 AM
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MiaElla!
My dear sweer Mia! You do what you have to do, but I will never let you down :) It will not be like Blackcat said with me, it will be a big deal! LOL You'll never feel the way I can make you feel.....I'd die for you! Oh wait? Yeah, hmm Maybe? Oh yeah sure, what was the question?
posted by
SomeoneElse
on August 10, 2005 at 4:24 PM
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I totally believe in love like that, though I lost mine. (I loved him so much I didn't have sex with him. NOw figure
that one out!) That's why I refuse to settle for someone just because he's male and available. I think that if I don't love someone enough to die for him, it's not the kind of love I deserve.
posted by
Holy_Grail
on August 10, 2005 at 4:21 PM
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virgin to virgin
your not a throw back at all you just believe in love first, lust last. I have carried the torch for 25 years and now I've goten to the point where someone likes me, wants me, I know it wont last, but I want to take the chance while it's here ( with proper std's perventions, condoms, birth control esta).
I think in these years, my spirt is broken, I no longer believe in true love, that's why broken is inked into my ankle, But who knows this is my way out, keep beliveing in true love Mia, it is bound to come for a visit and end of staying. ~Silly
posted by
SillySoul88
on August 10, 2005 at 12:41 PM
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SEX SEX SEX SEX.... wait.. what was the question? LOL
posted by
-blackcat
on August 10, 2005 at 10:48 AM
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YOU GUYS...LOL....This post isn't about me having sex.
Do you guys read at all? Or do you...ROFL....all have sex on the brain....
posted by
MiaElla
on August 10, 2005 at 10:38 AM
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hehe
better to witness bad sex before marriage than after! 
(I know, I know, that's a horrible thing to say. But think about it!)
posted by
FactorFiction
on August 10, 2005 at 10:30 AM
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MiaElla... you know how to fix bad sex yet have never had it? lol
Yes, that kind of love is pretty intense.... like I said, sex only takes it to the next level. I think you want to... or you wouldn't be asking.
posted by
-blackcat
on August 10, 2005 at 10:19 AM
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blackcat30
I have a masters in pysh...most of which focused on sex therapy...(yeah...me the sex therapist...could you imagine...ROFL) so I know how to fix bad sex...lol.....but do I want to witness first hand the act of bad sex...no....and do I want to stay in such a relationship...no....but I do want intense....I would die for you "love"....I think sex in that scenario would be divine.
posted by
MiaElla
on August 10, 2005 at 10:09 AM
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ginnie
sounds like you have a bit of the fairytale....that's nice...and sweet...and refreshing....and it shows in your blogs...
posted by
MiaElla
on August 10, 2005 at 10:06 AM
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MiaElla...
Personally.... I think waiting this long is going to lead to a big letdown for you. It's kind of like hearing too much about a GREAT movie... and then when you finally see it a year later, you're like, what's the big deal? By now, you've probably got fear mixed in with the moral that holds you back? I say.. take the leap.
But don't think I take sex lightly... because I don't. I was never one to sleep around. I'm a relationship kind of person. There haven't been very many for me, and except for a couple stupid mistakes in my youth, all were relationships. I've never been able to disassociate sex from my emotions.
All in all, I think waiting until after you're married would be like buying a car without ever driving it. The Pro and Con are the same - Sex takes the relationship to the next level. It can either make it, or break it. Don't you deserve to know beforehand?
posted by
-blackcat
on August 10, 2005 at 10:05 AM
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Hmm...good question...
...I don't want to die at all so I'm not sure I would die in Steve's place. I think of all the things I could do for him after he died..his kids and stuff. I think I have too many responsibilities to other people so not sure I could do it...even though I love him to pieces. As for sex...I think we read too much about the number of partners the average person has, the number of times people 'do it' per week...everyone is different...and I will take a risk here and say I've only ever had two partners...married both of them! Well not at once..hehe..but I think I'm not the 'average' person as far as partners go but hell...who wants to be the average person eh?
You gotta do what feels right for you!
posted by
ginnieb
on August 10, 2005 at 10:00 AM
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billy
= ( )---->
LMAO!
posted by
MiaElla
on August 10, 2005 at 9:57 AM
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mysteria
I think I would too. I definitely would have died so my brother could live. What is life without him anyway?
Beautiful people you and I.
Like souls sharing secrets.
posted by
MiaElla
on August 10, 2005 at 9:54 AM
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billy_cargo
Viagra!!! yeah! Good Stuff Oh My!!! ((( )))
posted by
mysteria
on August 10, 2005 at 9:51 AM
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Military_Wife
That's beautiful...definitely words to live and die by...
posted by
MiaElla
on August 10, 2005 at 9:51 AM
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mia
i would die for my lover...I would die for anyone I love.
posted by
mysteria
on August 10, 2005 at 9:50 AM
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You asked
How many would die in place of their lover. Ask Anthony1Wiley if he would take the place of his beloved Joyce in a second...I bet he would say yes, I can say the same for my neighbor who just lost his wife.
I can say without a doubt that I married a man who would step in front of a speeding train to protect me and I would for him as well.
When you find the person that makes you KNOW that...then you have found the "one".
posted by
Bel_
on August 10, 2005 at 9:50 AM
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Miaella never underestimate what a big cup of Viagra will make you
say every morning
posted by
FreeManWalking
on August 10, 2005 at 9:49 AM
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mia
i have to say you should stick with it. not because of anything religious or anything other then how precious what you have held onto really is. (that sounds so trite, but its not....) you deserve someone so incredible and you will find them. (they aren't ALL frogs... just the majority of them...)
It's not the 40s. i think one person for the whole of your life is the intent, BUT people are stupid and we made dumb ass choices and things get all twisted up....
posted by
mmm-w
on August 10, 2005 at 9:44 AM
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Billy
Like I said...what do you people drink in the morning? You guys all all missing the point of my blog...lol...I'm not asking for permission to have sex...lol....I'm asking if any of you love your "lover" enough to die in their place. . . is there no love anymore...is it just about the sex? Ah...what's wrong with me that I can't be normal....lol....and I asked for a list of pros and cons...but it seems sex is the only pro...and there are no real cons.....too funny...way to start my day smiling...<insert big cheesy grin here>
posted by
MiaElla
on August 10, 2005 at 9:41 AM
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MIaella, you've waited long enough and I'm not there to ask you out so
I say go for it ;-0
posted by
FreeManWalking
on August 10, 2005 at 9:33 AM
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MiaElla
You are deserving of a dragon slayer!! And he will find his way to you.
posted by
TIMMYTALES
on August 10, 2005 at 9:23 AM
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TIMMY
Princes.....lol....why they are all frogs!
posted by
MiaElla
on August 10, 2005 at 9:19 AM
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MiaElla
You have kept with your morals this long. I feel confident that somewhere out there is your prince. One who will appreciate and forever cherish the gift that you have held onto. Of course, there are many snakes in the grass too.
posted by
TIMMYTALES
on August 10, 2005 at 9:17 AM
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MiaElla,
What do I put in my coffee....hmmm......well, I just add a dose of really nice, good, healthy....
SEX
lol
posted by
myrrhage_
on August 10, 2005 at 9:08 AM
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Haha
Well not completely. The mentally ill part plays a little bit of a different role. It lets people who would rather dismiss what I say than think about go ahead and do it. The only people I really want to listen to me are people who will think. =P
posted by
Unidentified_Hacker
on August 10, 2005 at 9:07 AM
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MiAeLLa
MiAmore...Thanks for the movie recommendation and the cool bit of banter on one of my favorite subjects ...
According to what I have heard for a man to have sex he just needs a place, for a women, she needs a reason.
Men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love...
What a whacky arrangement...make sure you have fun, be safe safe safe...and always remember Hedonism is an imparitive!!! (((mia)))
posted by
mysteria
on August 10, 2005 at 9:05 AM
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iSiS
LOL! You guys are hysterical today...what do you guys put in your coffee....
posted by
MiaElla
on August 10, 2005 at 8:59 AM
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Uni
That's a cop out answer if I ever heard of one...hahahahahaha
Are you implying that the mentally ill work for the devil...now that's a theory to write about....muhaaaa!
posted by
MiaElla
on August 10, 2005 at 8:58 AM
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MiaElla,
It is my firm belief (and many doctors' too) that good sex is beneficial for mind, body, and soul. Bad sex, however, can have exactly the opposite effect, shortening your life (theoretically), draining your soul, and confusing your thoughts.
The trick is being comfortable enough wih yourself and your partner to enjoy good sex. "Back in the day" birth control was not readily available or affordable, and women traditionally did not hold jobs. So forgoing premarital sex marriage was often a matter of practicality.
On the other hand, there was a saying (in the Old West I think) that went something like: The first baby in most marriage often comes one month early. hehe.
posted by
myrrhage_
on August 10, 2005 at 8:51 AM
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Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Weeellll, I could tell you what I feel about this stuff, but I’m afraid it would just make your decision tougher haha. I should have a disclaimer on everything I write:
WARNING: The following material was written by a mentally ill individual. Your god will not appreciate you listening to anything he says, as his views are rather anti-deistic. Have a nice day.
posted by
Unidentified_Hacker
on August 10, 2005 at 8:51 AM
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Reni
Lol! You are my kind of girl!
posted by
MiaElla
on August 10, 2005 at 8:40 AM
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Listen, I believe in the fairy tale, but I also was not a virgin when I got
married. I had slept with boyfriends (not many) and learned over time what my sexual identity was. I knew that hubby and I would be compatible in other areas, but our compatibility sexually was also important for me to find out. That's not to say that I ever took having sex lightly. I NEVER slept with a guy until we'd been dating at least six months, and then only if I was in love. There was one in which I broke this rule, and to this day I regret it. Bottom line: Follow your conscience. As for pros and cons... Pro: Orgasms! Con: Children lol
posted by
Renigade
on August 10, 2005 at 8:37 AM
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