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The spit policy...
This guy came into a bar my family goes to every week. He bought everyone a drink. I hadn't seen him in years. I wasn't talking to him. I wanted to hit him big time. I don't hurt people for me, but I could smack him for my cousin, no problem.
My father gave me a lecture on how I had to be nice to him, and besides, my cousin was nice to him, etc. It didn't bother her. Yeah, well, when the guy was to pay child support, he moved to another state and she got nothing. I knew she was keeping it happy and tolerating it all just so she didn't have to live in a shelter. Big difference between that and liking the guy.
My father really pressed me on it. I finally asked him why he hadn't been sending Christmas cards to my ex all these years. I was married 21 years, and had known the guy since I was 16. My dad doesn't/wouldn't deal with him. He got the point---which would be the first time.
I went back and told my cousin all of this. She confirmed what I had suspected. She was just keeping peace so that he would work and do what he was supposed to do legally. We looked at each other about the same time and came up with the spit policy. We knew we had to be nice on the outside, but if the time arose, and she saw mine, she could spit at him, and I'd return the favor. Heck, they'd think we're nuts, so we'd get away with it...and the status quo would remain.
posted by
terpgirl30
on August 9, 2005 at 3:46 AM
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That's just it
Enough time has passed for the kids to grow up and the "problem" to not become a problem anymore. So you'll never really know if the guy changed. In my mind, his core character is exactly the same, and he got what he wanted.
posted by
terpgirl30
on August 9, 2005 at 3:42 AM
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It would seem better if she could have moved on
posted by
Azur
on August 8, 2005 at 10:47 PM
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TerpG,
This is a tough one. I guess it all depends on the individual situation and how long they were apart in between. I suppose people can chage, but in a certain way, they always stay the same and hurtful feelings and memories are sure to be brought up and placed upon the table. Even after the renewal of love and feelings are afoot. I wish them luck.
posted by
SpitFire70
on August 8, 2005 at 10:35 PM
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Spit policy...hmmmm....I like it!
And no, I wouldn't go back...not after all that. That is a lot of overcome just to go back to the person who put you in that predicament to begin with. It's always easy to come back around when all the hard work had been done...f*cking typical.
posted by
UsualSuspect
on August 8, 2005 at 7:58 PM
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You know, I guess it all depends on the people, and the situation. That said, I would probably say no, I couldn't do it again.
posted by
Julia.
on August 7, 2005 at 7:38 PM
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Hopefully this will work
I just wonder what the kids will think. Dad comes back after all these years. Do they know why he left in the first place? I liked the guy she was dating for a long time, but he seemed a bit too nice for her to be happy. Your cousin does seem to like the "bad boys".
posted by
mikea18
on August 7, 2005 at 6:59 PM
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