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We have to maintain an alert stance. This sort of crime will happen anytime, anywhere.
Ann.
posted by
A-and-B
on August 4, 2005 at 2:43 PM
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Girly-girl, just keep in mind that the odds of it happening are slim. I think the best we can do is monitor things as best we can, follow our instincts when whe choose who cares for our children and also we should arm them with some information to help them know what is acceptable and what's not and then nurture their confidence in speaking to their parents about anything under the sun
posted by
Azur
on August 4, 2005 at 10:33 AM
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How can we be sure that this won't happen to our children today?
It's a huge fear of mine, and I am unsure of what to do, short of homeschooling!
posted by
buttsup
on August 4, 2005 at 7:47 AM
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ann and ben
Thank God for that!!!
posted by
ariel70
on August 3, 2005 at 2:36 PM
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More of these abuse cases have been brought to light by our changing society.
Ben.
posted by
A-and-B
on August 3, 2005 at 2:34 PM
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quiet
Exactly! And that's the problem, isn't it?
posted by
ariel70
on August 3, 2005 at 1:55 PM
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ariel70, yes paedophile/pedophile is a misnomer -- always has been. It's a shame to squander what could have been a perfectly nice word on something so nasty but I fear the horse has bolted. If you think of Europhiles and Sinophiles and bibliophiles the connotations are good.
posted by
Azur
on August 3, 2005 at 1:53 PM
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MayB, I remember when the dam broke and the stories really began
to flood the newspapers. My Mexican relatives said that they would just warn each other about a particular priest at their school or church and the kids would avoid him like the plague and stay together, refusing to be separated for ANYTHING when a padre wanted to speak with them. They seemed more open in their info spreading and warnings to fellow friends than the American kids were.
One said that a padre would grab at their zippers in the hallways and that they would just do what they called the matador "EPA !!" move and shout and swerve out of his reach.
Funny how, in the old days, Mexican men killed pedophiles and rapists in their neighborhoods when they were identified and accused, but never the padres. Respect for the Church, I'm sure.
Hushed up things of the past are now trumpeted and will not live so well in the brighter lights of publicity, as they lived in the dark of the past cover-ups. Life changes and everything is a lie nowadays, a conspiracy, an urban or suburban myth and dismissed quickly.
posted by
benzinha
on August 3, 2005 at 12:49 PM
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Ariel70 hit the nail on the head....
We need to change that term. Unfortunately, what some people don't get is that priests and other people of supposed stature and in fact human too. They can succumb to the same evils the rest of the world can. To turn a blind eye to someone simply because of what they stand for is idiotic.
posted by
NCwriter
on August 3, 2005 at 7:25 AM
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katray
Why don't we all stop calling them paedophiles? It means " lovers of children ", and what kind of love tortures, rapes, and destroys the lives of innocent children.
By using this euphemism, " paedophiles" we make ourselves accomplices in their abominable practices. They are child predators ; and that's what we ought to call them
These people even pervert the values of the society in which they live. Here in Spain, it's all right to hug and to kiss children ; for in a healthy society these are natural expressions of love and affection. But in Britain? America? They've made our societies profoundly sick with their activities.
posted by
ariel70
on August 3, 2005 at 6:38 AM
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Good post May
To say these abusers aren't pedophiles is truly ignorant. I know of two people who were molested by church clergy - both under the age of thirteen; they were innocent kids. It destroys childhood and carries permanent scars into adulthood.
posted by
Katray2
on August 3, 2005 at 6:11 AM
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If it wasn't hard, it wouldn't work for the offenders.
We need more episodes of shows like "The OC" and "One Tree Hill" about this, and not about the boring repetitive bullshit they do now.
posted by
majroj
on August 3, 2005 at 12:45 AM
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And the cases must be tried too, even if they are 30 years on, so that potential offenders of today have a greater fear of being caught. But then, what you're asking for is for people like your friend to come forward and that is a hard thing for us outsiders to empathise with.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on August 3, 2005 at 12:17 AM
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Majroj, excellent comment. That's the trouble isn't it that people are bullied into secrecy.
posted by
Azur
on August 2, 2005 at 11:51 PM
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HAving been a volunteer at local school events and with the Girl Scouts...
...and a guy...there can be many steps to take to prevent these sorts of things from happening; however, they still will. The lynchpin to this sort of behavior, as in any other illicit control in America, is secrecy. The victim is made to feel as though no one will listen, that they will get into trouble, that the abuser should not be damaged by revelation because of good works, etc etc. This works with adults too, believ it or not, and is actually taught in corrections institutes and in the military...the second someone tried to put a hook into you, suggests you keep a secret, the thing to do is get that story out fast. I've taught my kids, I've taught my new co-workers.
We, as the parents and teachers and nurses, priests, etc., must always be open to listen and know how to react; not necessarily with destructive anger, but always by moving the information up to where it has to go, and then watching.
posted by
majroj
on August 2, 2005 at 11:33 PM
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Long term effects
I knew this guy who was molested by a priest. It has had long-term effects on him, too.
I would talk about the problem I have with the Catholic Church. . , but, I think I'll leave just mentioning I have a problem with them.
posted by
Joe_Love
on August 2, 2005 at 11:01 PM
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MayB...
..this should never be overlooked. I was raised in Catholic schools and as an adult have heard stories of abuse by priests and nuns...not in any way to say that all Catholic clergy abuse children but too many take their vow of chastity and can't keep it. I've read that these abusers..if they entered the priesthood/nunhood as young adults and their sexual development is curtailed at that time that they remain sexually stuck at that age. Just watched the movie "The Magdalene Sisters"...excellent acting..disturbing to say the least. One abuser is too many.
posted by
ginnieb
on August 2, 2005 at 8:55 PM
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i totally agree
i read something written by a sex crimes detective once that gave me pause. he said that pedophiles often choose jobs that put them in close contact with children, so that they can violate them. it did not exclude priests, boy scout leaders, or mentors. it's a rough world out there. you must use all your faculties when dealing with people.
posted by
avant-garde
on August 2, 2005 at 5:06 PM
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Schatz, small kindnesses take little effort but may just make the difference. Good for you
posted by
Azur
on August 2, 2005 at 4:36 PM
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My neighbors and I were talking about a child in the neighborhood who gets dumped at my house a lot, and why I let her. I said it's because you never know what hell a childs home life is like. My house is safe.
posted by
Schatz
on August 2, 2005 at 4:18 PM
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That's right Ariala.
posted by
Azur
on August 2, 2005 at 3:33 PM
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Good post...I think it's one of the most important foundational problems in
existence today because it not only affects the present time in a child's life, but the future of so many people as they grow up and become parents, spouses and friends...
posted by
Ariala
on August 2, 2005 at 3:29 PM
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