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Abuelita, I know what you're saying...
I've never had to do that before. I could move right into friendship....but these were different kinds of realtionships, and there was no other new relationships. I haven't decided how to handle this yet. We decided to be friends, but we didn't know how that would look. I say, "I don't know," a lot.
posted by
Temple
on August 3, 2005 at 6:30 PM
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Offbeat
No singing, eh? I finally fell asleep at dawn...even though I sleep so much earlier. I can't get normal. ::: sigh :::
posted by
Temple
on August 3, 2005 at 6:23 PM
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Temple, I can be friends with them, but later, much later, not when still
bleeding. I have to get far away for awhile and only when healed and I mean healed, can I talk again. Some have taken years, some I've had to walk away from again, years later as they make a new wound, with the 'remembering'.
The best ones were the ones that I had to stay away from the longest, as the dreams that they held that were mine and ours filled up so much heart and mind space that they pulled me under water.
posted by
benzinha
on August 3, 2005 at 1:21 PM
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Temple
I hope your having Sweet Dreams. Want me to sing to you (NO NEVER, YOU DON'T)
posted by
Offy
on August 3, 2005 at 1:43 AM
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Temple
I did..I went to bed at midnight and just woke up. Last night, I could not understand anything I was reading (so what else is new heh) I had to go to bed. Sleep has always eluded me..but when I am dead I will have a long time to sleep on that.
Your brain injury has to be the hardest thing to over come. I can't imagine where you gather your great strengths, but I admire you for it!!
posted by
Offy
on August 3, 2005 at 1:29 AM
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Offbeat
I'm really tired, too. This is one of those days that for some reason I can't keep my eyes open. My day was uneventful. I don't know if I'll be around much later, hopefully I'll just sleep. I get like this when I get too stressed out, it's a brain injury thing. I hope you sleep tonight, too.
posted by
Temple
on August 2, 2005 at 10:11 PM
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Temple
If I don't catch you tonight, don't have too much fun without me. LOL..Have a ball~
I am tired, it has been a long day. How was yours? 
posted by
Offy
on August 2, 2005 at 8:34 PM
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Military Wife
I feel like he sees me as insignificant if he can just move so quickly away from what was supposed to be so special...I'm still pretty confused about the situation. Your comment was very sweet, and I guess I'm not at my best moments these days. I feel like my words are the only ways I touch people. There aren't really many people actually around me....which is a long story I suppose. Things are in transition for me, best way to put it. In any case, thank you for seeking me out and I'm glad you connected to what I wrote. Offbeat has been a sweetheart and really supportive, too. It helps to have that here.
posted by
Temple
on August 2, 2005 at 6:00 AM
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Temple
Insignificant? ABSOLUTLEY NOT!!! Offbeat commented to me about your writing, so I made a point of finding you this morning. I know this sounds trite and people say it all the time, but it truly is his loss. You touched me deeply with your words, so I can only imagine what yo do to others around you.
posted by
Bel_
on August 2, 2005 at 5:50 AM
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Temple
Most days I am not a breakfast person. I do love cornflakes though. Most the Tony Tiger ones..they have sugar, and I need that to be sweet. Thus far, it hasn't worked! LOL~~
posted by
Offy
on August 2, 2005 at 2:14 AM
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lol....offbeat...
You're up early....I forgot the time difference. I thought with a pub you'd get to sleep in a little bit though. But, it sounds like you got to sleep a bit, and that's good. :) Bailey's and coffee for breakfast, eh? Well, have some cornflakes or something, too, woman!
posted by
Temple
on August 2, 2005 at 2:11 AM
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Temple
I just woke up..put my beans in the grinder and brewed a fresh pot. It is almost 5 am here. The IT man is coming at 7 to network my dell to the dell POS at the pub. I will be able to see who and what and when any drink is sold, if the drawer is open, all transactions from my office at home...So yeah, I am up. I have the security tapes to watch around 6 too. I went to bed early. OK, we save the pipe for Passionflower~~you know how she is, she's like Mikey, she will smoke anything!!
posted by
Offy
on August 2, 2005 at 1:44 AM
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May, I know what you mean.
I just haven't figured out how to handle it yet. Not knowing means I lose one of my best friends, that's so hard. I just can't make decisions past today so far, you know?
posted by
Temple
on August 2, 2005 at 1:40 AM
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Offbeat the savior...
You can keep the pipe, but hand me that Bailey's for sure :) I hope you're not drinking coffee right now! That would explain the lack of zzzzzz's...
posted by
Temple
on August 2, 2005 at 1:39 AM
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Temple
Hey woman, how are you doing? I have a pipe filled and some bailey's for java, wanta?
posted by
Offy
on August 2, 2005 at 1:34 AM
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Temple, I think it links to the knowing and NOT KNOWING that Benzinha spoke of. It doesn't mean you are not friends on some other lever but that you don't know so much of the day to day stuff
posted by
Azur
on August 2, 2005 at 1:31 AM
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May, aaah, okay
Yes, you've been saying all along that being friends probably isn't the best. But, I think when you love someone you should try. Plus, Jimmy and I had a very special connection as friends, and I think it would be sad to lose that. You don't feel that much in life. I don't know how or if it will work....we'll just have to try and see. It's worth it to me to try. To him also, we've talked about this a great deal. I weigh what is more painful....walking away totally, or trying to be friends. Usually it's the former. One day at a time, we'll see how it plays out.
posted by
Temple
on August 2, 2005 at 1:27 AM
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Temple, i was referring to how you stay friends with people you have split with -- but maybe it is not always the best
posted by
Azur
on August 2, 2005 at 1:22 AM
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May
I'm not sure what you mean about....that is not what I normally do....because I've never been in this situation before. But, knowing everything for me actually helps me heal....keeps me from holding on to some fantasy part of the relationship. At this point, there is none of that and it just hurts, so I am trying to stay away. It's hard when it's in my face all the time, but I am doing the best that I can. Breaking old patterns can be good, true...sometimes we don't always see them, and even if we do, it takes time to break them. That dreaded time.
posted by
Temple
on August 1, 2005 at 11:48 PM
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Abuelita, seeing you here warms my heart.
You've been here with me already too many times before, but this is the biggest, hardest one. I'm doing better with the curiosity, and that lesson is beating it's way into me. Hard hard hard one to get. Damn. I think part of me does it as a way of telling myself, see, you have to let go now....pay attention, he's gone. It happened so fast, no gap at all, in this case I really asked all the questions and sought all the info because I couldn't believe he would do that. I still almost can't. I don't know why people continue to surprise me. I did the wrong things, Abuelita, so much of this one is my fault, too. I wish I could do it differently. I don't know if it would matter....but I have regret. So few I have of those. I would love him more. Show him more. Well, now, this is what it is and he has someone who is giving him that and I am trying to just let it go. It's hard when really, he wasn't some creep and I can't point out all his defects to myself. I want to always know him, be his friend. I'm good at that, have always done that....but I've never had someone move so fast before. I don't know how to handle this one. So, I cry a lot. Doesn't do much but give me a headache and keep stuff from getting done. Could you please be closer? I don't regret one moment of being with him. I never regret giving my heart, loving someone. Even now. I would do it again, but better. Love you madly, too.
posted by
Temple
on August 1, 2005 at 11:44 PM
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-ie sometimes it is good to break patterns of the past
posted by
Azur
on August 1, 2005 at 11:39 PM
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What Benzinha says is along the lines of how I feel about these things and along the lines of what I said before. I believe she is right. But I know that is not what you normally do. But not everything can be handled in the same way
posted by
Azur
on August 1, 2005 at 11:39 PM
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Kris....
Ah...I was wondering, I didn't receive an email. I hope you can resend it. I have decided it's not worth it to read him. When I do it just sets me back, so that feeling beats out my curiousity. It just hurts too much. I took him out of my favorites some time ago, but then I would search him. Now, I don't...but it seems I click onto Blogit and there's a new post on the front page. That's almost impossible to resist. I know exactly what you mean about the time heals point. My option is to leave Blogit...but I can't do that. I'm still thinking we should be friends, but I know you all think that's crazy. Right now, I don't know. I just want the heart sounds to stop ruling my life. (I'm glad you like that...it's a beautiful song.)
posted by
Temple
on August 1, 2005 at 11:34 PM
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Passionflower, I can't be so down on him....I know that must
frustrate you. But, you have to remember there is much more to us -- and to him -- than what is on these pages. He does have a soul, but he is being insensitive. I didn't deserve to read about his relationship, no. He's not been careful or thougtful of my feelings in the breakup to the degree he should have. I'm not ready to date, I just wish I knew people here I relate to. I'm working on letting him go. Truly. Thanks for being so supportive. :)
posted by
Temple
on August 1, 2005 at 11:26 PM
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temple, you make yourself crazy when you allow curiousity to win.
The more I inquired about all of my exs of friends and family, the more nuts I became. I only found serenity in the NOT KNOWING.
Yes, a basket full of new gossip sits on the side table near the door, but you can either throw it in the garbage or keep walking by it, not embracing the insanity it contains. Knowing things, the seeking out of information, makes you ill, makes me ill, makes us all ill. Let it, let him, let her, let their information and communication go. You do yourself harm when you invite that particular knowledge into your day.
One of my exs, is in the papers daily. I used to read the paper daily. It made me ill. I have removed the link from my favorites and never go there to read anymore and ask my son not to tell me things, as it twists my tummy and brings me close to regurgitating a perfectly good dinner, from the intestinal stress. Let it go, baby girl, take this from an old woman and run with it. Know nothing about him from today forward and speak of and follow 'newness'. Wounds can't heal when we pick at them or put salt on them. Love you madly.
posted by
benzinha
on August 1, 2005 at 5:42 PM
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Temple
I'm so sorry...I just realized that the email I had sent to you didn't go for some reason...I'll have to figure that one out...in the meantime, yes, I did read this. Sometimes this place is such a double-edged sword for you, I think. I hate that he has this place to torture you with, and that you can't keep from looking at the wreckage - I wouldn't be able to either; and, if she can read it, too....that's just awful, but it should certainly make her wary of his emotional maturity. I don't know how long it will take the wound to heal with the scab constantly pulled away; and it certainly does stretch out the "time heals" rule....I mean from what point? I think the beginning keeps moving because of the freshness of each re-injury - know what I mean? I love the heart sounds...
posted by
Krisles
on August 1, 2005 at 3:38 PM
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Temple...it isn't that you were so insignificant...
It's that HE'S such a blind idiot! Insensitive to what you're going thru....can't be bothered...Did he ever really deserve you? NO way! He's got no soul if he can do this to someone he once cared for.
You deserve so much more. Now pick yourself up and join a couple of those online dating sites and start going out several times a week. If nothing else, this activity will take your mind off things. Plus, who knows, you might actually have some fun....eat a wonderful meal with a great guy...laugh...kiss under the moonlight.
Let him go and move on with your life. He isn't worth your time and trouble.
posted by
Passionflower
on August 1, 2005 at 3:08 PM
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Spitfire, I know what you're saying...
But I can't comprehend how if I was of any real significance to him that he could just erase our history like he did. That's what it feels like to me, even when he says otherwise, his actions show a man who just went on like there was no one before now. I don't know what I know, only what I feel. Perhaps when it hurts less I will feel differently. I know time will heal, it's true. Until then...I'm just doing what I can, and some days are worse than others. I'm confused, does it show? :)
posted by
Temple
on July 31, 2005 at 6:51 PM
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Temple,
You're not insignificant to him then or now. You can't continue thinking you meant or mean nothing to him. You know that's not true. I know this is kind of a cliche' thing to say, and I know I've said it before, but time will heal. I know it's the waiting for when that "time" to come that sucks, but it will. I promise.
posted by
SpitFire70
on July 31, 2005 at 5:29 PM
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Cass, you know you're welcome anytime.
Hope you're doing alright.
posted by
Temple
on July 30, 2005 at 11:55 PM
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Temple, I think I might just join in with the drinks too! I love Margaritas. *grin*
posted by
Ca88andra
on July 30, 2005 at 11:48 PM
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Kris
uh, hi....you just comin' in the back door to shake it or did you read the post? ;)
posted by
Temple
on July 30, 2005 at 9:39 PM
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mystic
I just love you, thanks for the effort. I don't know the song, but I'll look it up. I'm in suspense now, did you get the email okay or no? Oh, I'm wondering, do you dance when you sing that song? Cuz that would be SUPER! :D
posted by
Temple
on July 30, 2005 at 9:38 PM
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fwmystic
I have that Shake cd...you're a fan of his....great song.
posted by
Krisles
on July 30, 2005 at 9:29 PM
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I know what will cheer you up!
One of my favorite songs written by Shake Russell (www.shakerussell.com on the "deep in the west" cd).
I'm going to sing it to you and I guarantee it will either cheer you up or make you want to drown yourself, I forget which. This song got me through MANY seemingly endless nights after my heart was squashed and mutilated by some cold, unfeeling, heartless whore.
Here goes:
"There's acres and acres of heartbroken lovers ...
I know, we'rte not the first time."
hum-hum-hum (I forgot the words in this part), but here's the refrain:
"You've Got A Lover,
but it's not me!
(S)he can't love you like I can.
There will be others yes I understand, but will they love me like you can?"
Hope this helps. You can thank me later.
posted by
fwmystic
on July 30, 2005 at 9:09 PM
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Offbeat the party girl, now, how did I know you'd join in?
16? My goodness! Well, you're the pub owner, start pouring...
posted by
Temple
on July 30, 2005 at 7:30 PM
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TEMPLE
I'll take a drink or 16.
bottoms up!
posted by
Offy
on July 30, 2005 at 7:24 PM
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Frankenkitty
I could sooo use a hug or 12. Thank you. I think it wouldn't be so hard if I knew people in San Diego, but since I moved back, I've been caught up in other things....and it's hard to meet friends as a grown up. So, it's a bit lonely. Yes, a drink sounds great. :)
posted by
Temple
on July 30, 2005 at 7:20 PM
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Oh, I have missed some major things.
I am so sorry, I wish I could hug you. My mom was feeling like this for awhile. I'd take her to Fridays for Margarita. If you need me...
posted by
Flumpystalls3000
on July 30, 2005 at 7:12 PM
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Offbeat
I think that sometimes too, about him and her...but you just never know. I just need to focus on me, and not worry about it. But, it still feels good to read that. Thanks. :)
posted by
Temple
on July 30, 2005 at 7:04 PM
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Temple
I couldn't read the unnamed one for a long time. Mostly the comments. Not that his was so bad, it was the womens. To me, having been there, it is the biggest wound one can put in your heart.
I am a loyal person. No one does that to my friends, he has nothing to say that I want to read. As for the one who did it to me, I am now at peace with, in fact, we have a strong friendly relationship.
This relationship yours in on now will not last either. It was superficial to begin with because it was too fast, and the love he had for you is not gone, it is still inside him. He doesn't even know that yet and she has no clue.. Most men don't realize it until is way too late. Give it time, you will see I am right.
posted by
Offy
on July 30, 2005 at 6:51 PM
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Offbeat...
I won't be offended if you read him...I have other friends that do. I just was hurt when some were so supportive of this new relationship and it was all so in my face. Not that they can't support him if they have some kind of prior friendship, I just wanted some kind of sensitivity to me...some kind of loyality, you know? But most have been wonderful about it. He's laying it on pretty thick with her. I've finally stopped reading, or I'm trying....one second at time. I just can't know any more. The details he puts there put visuals in my head I can't shake. But, you're sweet and I appreciate how lovely you've been through this. Thank you. I know you understand.
posted by
Temple
on July 30, 2005 at 6:43 PM
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I never read him anymore. Haven't for a while, don't plan on it either.
posted by
Offy
on July 30, 2005 at 6:34 PM
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Joe Love
yes, and yes....Jimmy68...
posted by
Temple
on July 30, 2005 at 6:31 PM
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smartdog, I've let him go in so many ways...
But, my heart isn't having it just yet....even though I know what I know about why it should not be. I want to be all wise and everything here, but please tell me....why is it a beautiful moment when I can let someone be free? As far as he knows, he's free. He doesn't have to worry about me anymore, he's good. But...still...?
posted by
Temple
on July 30, 2005 at 6:30 PM
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Wait a minute
I just realized something. It clicked. This guy has a blog here on Blogit, doesn't he?? Ohmy! I've been reading his blog, too.
posted by
Joe_Love
on July 30, 2005 at 6:26 PM
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HeyTemp
Letting go is never easy - especially to those things we held on to with such care. But when you are able to let someone be free, it can be quite a beautiful moment.
I'm pullin' for ya
-smartdog
posted by
smartdog_670
on July 30, 2005 at 5:48 PM
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HG, I know what you're saying.
Those dark moments are a bitch indeed. I'm glad my heart has never hardened because I am grateful that I can love, and be loved (and let it in) in returned. I don't regret my time with Jimmy at all. I have no regrets about any love I've had in my life, because I've always learned and had wonderful experiences from it. But, these are the moments you wish you could just be cold and not care so it wouldn't matter. I'm determined though, because he has shown me that his love for me was fickle and I was not worth his effort. I don't deserve that, I deserve better. If the tables were turned, do you think I would leave him? One guess. :) So, I just have to keep telling myself someone better will be there when it's time and stay open, not shut down. So, my sweet girl, do you.
posted by
Temple
on July 30, 2005 at 4:31 PM
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Rachel....yech, huh?
It's true, these hurts stay with us and we give pieces of our hearts away when we love. The pain has lessened from the beginning, and what bothered me then bothers me less...sometimes other things bothers me. Believe it or not, I don't focus on him, her, them very much. Just sometimes, something reminds me...certain things are hard, certain times of the day are hard, some things make it past the barrier in my mind. If I'm really tired or worn out, forget it, I have no defense against the thoughts that flood in. I've gotten better at pushing it away, but sometimes....I still want to understand.
I still want to just wish it all away, make it all go away. As far as the man he was to me, that's part of what is so hard. There were things to work on, but no relationship is perfect. I am grieving the man he was to me...he was good to me when we were together, to I try to find reasons why it was bad....and there are some things I don't really want....but really they are easy to overlook. Who he became after the break up is a different man, and I try to focus on that....but when I hit those places it's just all about the heartbreak and that I miss him. There's no logic. I miss him in the light places, too, but I know this is the way it should be. Sometimes, it's just darker. I'm focusing on me, the best way I can. It's not always good enough, but it's all I've got right now. I just....I just hate it.
posted by
Temple
on July 30, 2005 at 4:26 PM
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Grief can be such a roller coaster. Just when you think you're "up" and maybe everything will be okay, you go crashing down into a dark moment and it's so hard to get yourself out of it. And of course those times seem to last so much longer than the upswings. Sometimes I wish I had been born with an impenetrable heart, but then I think what I would have missed. I guess those things make the grief worth it. One of my favorite quotes is "Don't cry because it's over - smile because it happened."
posted by
Holy_Grail
on July 30, 2005 at 2:34 PM
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Yech...
As I told you a long time ago, I don't think these hurts ever truly go away. It's hard. I wish somehow I could figure out how to take it away from you, to heal it, to hit the fast forward button and make the time go by and the pain lessen. The pain will lessen, you know that, I know that, but I know it doesn't make it better now. As you know, there is a part of my heart that will always belong to someone else--even if it shouldn't. I think we leave small pieces of ourselves with those we truly love.
Try, if you can, to stop focusing on him and what he's doing now. I know, easier said than done. :) But, focusing on him, on her, and them, can't make it any easier. Focus on you, on getting past him, on grieving the man he was to you, not the man you wanted him to be.
posted by
RachelAnna
on July 30, 2005 at 2:08 PM
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May, I sure hope so.
I go through little pockets of this, then it's better....then a pocket. Like turbulence. I know in time....time time time....blech. :) You are most welcome about the comment. I think we have that Christmas card thing goin' on, so we're on the same page there.
posted by
Temple
on July 30, 2005 at 6:53 AM
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I think you will stop feeling like this just beyond the point when it seems unbearable. I find that a lot in life. This will be sooner rather than later I hope.
Thank you for your comment about my post :-)
posted by
Azur
on July 30, 2005 at 6:50 AM
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Reni :)
I tell myself....he deserves the vacation, he works hard, it's his family's boat....yada yada yada...but thanks for giving me that. I needed the laugh.
posted by
Temple
on July 30, 2005 at 6:40 AM
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Ya know...I wasn't the one he broke up with, and thinking of him
on that boat really twirks me off! Maybe he'll decide to take a little swim...
posted by
Renigade
on July 30, 2005 at 6:29 AM
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