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Temple, I think my dad should read this.
Sometimes I don't think he understands what he did to my mom. I mean, he needed to do it, because for him it was disassociation. He needed to be someone else because he couldn't live with the things he did, so he chose to be his dead best friend. He even wore George's clothes. I never understood it until now, but it really hurt my mom. I'm so sorry you hurt the way you do, so sorry. Take care
posted by
Flumpystalls3000
on August 1, 2005 at 6:30 PM
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Passionflower, thank you for stopping and offering support.
It's true, this little window into his new big love is torture. I try not to look, but I can't always. It seems as though I was never here, never with him, the way he writes and lives now. I agree that it seems like he is in love with being in love, but a part of me says...this could be THE girl. Maybe I say that just to protect myself in case it is true and she does for him what I couldn't.
Your words are strong and sweet, I appreciate them, thank you. I don't want to say that he hollow or lacks substance, just that he doesn't know how to live in the emotional world now. I do hope, for his sake, that he learns and is able to find love...find lasting happiness. He has done a lot of wonderful things for me, and as much as this hurts and as I get angry or sad, I remember that. I look forward to that day when the crying stops and there is a man who is strong and true, and can live in the emotional world. Time can be a bitch, no? I'll hold your thoughts and prayers until then.
posted by
Temple
on July 30, 2005 at 12:37 AM
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Hi Temple...I'm so sorry to hear about you and Jimmy...
I know how much this must be hurting you - especially since it's so public here, the things in our personal lives. One thing I do know about Jimmy is that he's the type of guy who is in love with being in love. He'll soon tire of this newest girl...she won't be enough of a stimulant anymore and he'll need his "FIX" in the form of another hot love affair.
He didn't deserve you. You are real and solid and true. He is hollow and lacks substance. He will continue to move on to new relationships never finding that one person to spend his life with. But you will eventually stumble onto a man who sees inside you and knows the beauty that's there. I know you must cry for a while and that's okay. That's why God gave you tear ducts. Use 'em or loose 'em...lol! But one morning you'll wake up and be ready to move on. Till then, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
posted by
Passionflower
on July 29, 2005 at 11:05 PM
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Offbeatpub
I guess if anything can be seen as a bright spot in the darkness of the things I've been through it's that I have gotten better at expressing and describing the emotions and all that surrounds them....it helps me so much, and it makes me feel good that people relate to it, too. I know you must be able to really relate, having this world -- this window -- to watch things going on that you wouldn't otherwise know about. I know in my head that time will heal, that he's not right for me for so many reasons, that I want other things from a man.... I know in my head that if we are supposed to be at some point the universe will let us know and we will both learn what we need to so we can be together ... I know all I need to in my head. But, the minute I open my eyes in the morning I remember how he left me, that he left me, that he's already replaced me and his love for her seems to be so much more substantial. That could be because I'm reading it from the outside, but it's my first thought. And I miss him. And I hate time. I get irritated with myself for even caring, considering how easily he dismissed it all. Such is the process, I guess. Thanks for the sweet words, OBP, I'll keep them in mind.
posted by
Temple
on July 29, 2005 at 2:57 PM
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Temple
I had never read anything that deplicts the depth of pain associated with lost love, until now. I had felt it, but never able to express it. Your words reminded me of another time in this place. The reason I came to find this wonderful world of people like you. Discovery of their love exposed to those we can not name. We never existed left self one. As time passes the wounds heal. We feel the sun, the wind, the loves that existed before that time of us. It will be a beautiful day again, it will. Allow your heart to bleed, it is good, it is a cleansing that strengthens our souls. Above all, trust and love in your wonderful self.
posted by
Offy
on July 29, 2005 at 1:17 AM
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Joe Love
Rest assured, there will be no Anne Murray CD's for me ever....lots of Manson and Pantera, a little blues when I need to be mellow. Thanks for reading, and yes, it is emotional. I write from where I live, and if you feel like you've known me forever, than I must have done something right. Rollercoasters can be fun. :) Welcome aboard, thanks for the comment, hope to see you again.
posted by
Temple
on July 24, 2005 at 1:41 PM
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Hiya, Temple
Your entry was a total emotional rollercoaster. It was thorough enough that I feel like I've known you FOREVER. *grin*
While you're in this funk, I do advise. . . , no Anne Murray cd's for YOU. *grin*
posted by
Joe_Love
on July 24, 2005 at 12:53 PM
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Spitfire...
Good....good, then. I thought you were going to bed? Me? I'm thinking about baseball.
posted by
Temple
on July 24, 2005 at 2:06 AM
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Temple,
I understand why you wanted me to read this before I did that thing for you.
It's all good.
posted by
SpitFire70
on July 24, 2005 at 2:02 AM
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May
I'm glad you know the song! So many of my friends were horrified that I would speak of music from the 70s, or too young, or listened only to rock...what have you. As far as this being for the best...I believe we can muck around and mess up things that are to be. We can not listen to our instincts and so on. I have so many questions that I will carry, what ifs and such, that fall into regrets for me. But, I also believe that Jimmy and I will always know each other, and if it is supposed to change the universe will let us know in time. For now, it is most certainly the best thing. He's in love with someone else, and I need to get beyond all of this because I have much to do in my life. Thanks for commenting. :)
posted by
Temple
on July 24, 2005 at 1:59 AM
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Yes I remember that song. It is linked to something for me.
As to what has happened. It has to be for the best because it is what happened. take care
posted by
Azur
on July 24, 2005 at 1:09 AM
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Cass
Sweetie, you have really been struggling with this lately, I'm sorry. It's come up here and there and I can tell it's on your mind. Feeling tired and frazzled with the boys, then seeing him the other day....just remember that you weren't happy there and that he is so unworthy of you. You are bright and deep and funny and lovely, and he suppressed that. I think sometimes we focus on someone only because we haven't met anyone else.
Yes, sometimes I feel like the sky will fall in on my head with the layers to this situation. Just losing him is hard enough...but him walking out in the hardest time, the money, the illness/injury, his instant girlfriend and how he treats that here, all the reminders....I feel like screaming at the universe to give me one thing at a time or just shoot me. I think that's why in the beginning, and from time to time now, I'm just NOT okay. I was already having a hard time handling things, so was he, that's why he left in fact...one main reason. He says I'm stronger than him. But, I am readjusting...not as quick as I like (hopefully quick enough to save my ass) and not well, most definitely not pretty, but I am doing it. We'll both figure it out.
posted by
Temple
on July 24, 2005 at 12:12 AM
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Rachel
Change is good....I've not always agreed with that statement. I was happy before, at least happy knowing what I thought was true. But, now I know the real truth and only there can I build. I don't feel evolution so much, well maybe, because evolution was slow...I'm just ready for bigger changes, for the next thing. I think I sound stronger than I am, but thank you. I'm still skeptical, looking for faith on those good things coming. Progress.....is, in and of itself, progress.
posted by
Temple
on July 24, 2005 at 12:02 AM
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HG, anything you say to comfort isn't a waste of time, sweetie..
Thanks for the thoughts....I will need those things for sure. Just when I think I've found a place of solid ground, something feels shaky. But, progress has been made and I've realized some things I needed to...so now, it's just me and time. Fucking HATE that. ;)
posted by
Temple
on July 23, 2005 at 11:54 PM
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As I read this I realised you could have written this with me in mind. Its been nearly 19 months since my ex dumped me and I still think of him every day, even though I don't want to. There are few places I can go in this city that don't remind me of him. We went everywhere together, even to the place I now work as we did some consulting work for them previously. I know exactly what you are going through. It must be so much worse for you, coping with brain injury and getting back on your feet AND this... Chin up and remember you are the Champion of the World!
posted by
Ca88andra
on July 23, 2005 at 8:01 PM
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Great writing...
Your words seem to capture the pain, but also the transition, so well.
Your pain, your hurt, your world seems to be evolving. Change. Ah, change is good.
Let the thunder storms keep coming, bringing signs of good things to come your way. You have definitely earned every positive thing that is coming your way.
Your strength is admirable. Keep chugging along, beautiful.
posted by
RachelAnna
on July 23, 2005 at 9:44 AM
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Temple
I won't waste your time with any of the cliches and platitudes that people generally tend to give at times like these. Hearts don't heal overnight just as Rome wasn't built in a day. I'll just send a lot of love and hope and strength your way.
posted by
Holy_Grail
on July 23, 2005 at 9:05 AM
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