Go to I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM
- Add a comment
- Go to "Closure?"..................................What the BLEEP is that???
I disagree with that last sentence, Quirky.
I think that book is and would be real closure for you; or at least a proper and healthy release of what has been pent up inside you for all these years. As far as your family, okay, everyone deals with stuff like this in their own way. I've never been one to follow the herd and I don't think you've been one to, either. Go with your gut. Do what feels right for you. Personally, I say go for it.
posted by
SpitFire70
on June 22, 2005 at 11:12 PM
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intrigued
i'm new to this and bad with punctuation, but i was attracted to your voice that i gathered from some of your entries. i know zero about what happens on blogit, but every opportunity i get to write with an audience besides friends, family, and lovers in my mind-i dig it. you sound honest, raw, and humble between the lines. i did skim, but reacting on impulse and letting you know i'll look for you to read more- definitely intrigued.
posted by
jackkerouac
on June 21, 2005 at 1:00 PM
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you are right...
closure doesn't take anything away painwise, but it may give the strength necessary to move forward in small steps...
In my example, I've been dating the same guy for almost 4 years, wanting to get married and eventually have children. He is not ready for either and does not really want children. I want the "closure" to know if he intends to marry me and have children with me one day to avoid losing me, not as an ultimatum, but because I would prefer to get my life on the right track if not. I have not been able to attain that closure, but even if I did, I doubt it would make things any more bearable or any less painful. what a mess life can be sometimes.
I admire your strength.
posted by
DancesWithWords
on June 20, 2005 at 11:18 PM
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Writing about something you know in your soul is bound to be a great read. Go for it.
Closure like asking for permission to feel something only happens in our hearts, such a strange concept. You might find writing about it revives feelings but may work some out.
posted by
the-loanlady
on June 20, 2005 at 1:39 PM
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The book will open minds...
Hi Quirky, go for it! Coming from a family who was in the newspapers every single day of my life until after I left school, I know to some degree about people talking. It has given me a permanent fear of being well-known.
But I discovered something as I grew older; if people are going to talk about you anyway, why not control what they talk about. You can write a book and express how you felt about it; how you feel about it, how it has affected your life, etc.
You'll be amazed how compassionate those same people can be once they hear your side of the story.
It will wipe the slate clean. :)
posted by
Wordwizard
on June 20, 2005 at 2:59 AM
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Closure is one of the most oversused terms we have. It is basicly
psychobabble that has gained public acceptance. Closure is for insecure people who need something extra to get them through.
posted by
saul_relative
on June 18, 2005 at 6:56 PM
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Quirky,
Certainly a thought provoking post. I didn't know that you had been through such a thing, but in thinking about it, I realized that there must be quite a number of people with very similar problems. A book about it sounds like an excellent idea. I'm sure it won't be extremely hard to find a publisher, and it will certainly be a hurdle jumped for you. I think, above all, it will make you feel as if you have accomplished something good for your fellow man to make up for the bad that was done by a relative.
You certainly have no reason to feel guilt for another's crimes, but I know saying it really has no meaning to you. It isn't a feeling that can be reasoned away.
''Closure'' is not a word that I use at all. It isn't hard to figure out what is meant, if it is used properly, but it is so abused as a media buzz word that it is quite useless. It seems to be a word that media uses when they don't quite know what to say. Too often, it gets associated with such things as ''vengeance'' of either an illegal or legal variety. I have reached the point of feeling disgust every time the now-meaningless term is used.
Good luck on the book. My sympathies for your unfortunate experience. 
JJ
posted by
Jack_Flash
on June 18, 2005 at 6:33 PM
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Quirkyalone,
The whole "not talking", non-acknowledgment, is, I believe, a form of collective insanity, that this whole country, maybe the whole world suffers from. And the one who finally can't close his or her eyes anymore, is branded the pariah. After pondering the meaning of the word closure, which I've done, but reading your thoughts on it, it seems that the whole term like Zenresistance says, is a catch-phrase, another "get over it", "move on", kind of phrase, to spare the discomfort of those who don't want to look at the emotional suffering in themselves or you.
I don't have the answer, I'm searching like you are, but I believe that writing is like breathing to me, I'm driven to write my past, as you are, and whatever comes out of it, I hope and pray there is release, freedom, peace and a time when I can think of something else, maybe help others do the same. I think there is value in that.
posted by
Blanche.
on June 18, 2005 at 5:50 PM
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zen,
Your explanation makes sense, and when you define it that way, then I would agree with your viewpoint.
posted by
Julia.
on June 18, 2005 at 12:10 PM
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Ms N,
It can certainly get better, and one can find acceptance and peace, but I just don't think that is the same thing as closure.
posted by
Julia.
on June 18, 2005 at 12:08 PM
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ca88,
I will...thanks.
posted by
Julia.
on June 18, 2005 at 12:07 PM
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There is such a thing as closure.
Traumatic events and the like in one's past can be "closed", but not quite in the way many people tend to believe, especially the "experts". An "open" issue is something from the past that haunts, something unresolved that can preoccupy us in the present at varying levels. These issues, if explored honestly and dealt with honestly and personally (usually within), can be "closed", and by that I mean dealt with in a manner that brings peace of mind over it, that stops the haunting and preoccpation.
May times these days, people belive closure is simply apologising or demanding one from someone else. "Closure" has become a catch-word from the psychobabble quacks and self-help gurus they use to soundbite healing, sell books and get on tv/radio. Closure exists, but it's an internal thing more than something that can be gained from external sources.
posted by
zenresistance
on June 18, 2005 at 8:02 AM
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There are certain things in life
for which one never finds closure. One often times can only accept that this is the way it is... and that it will never get better.
posted by
Transcendental_Child
on June 17, 2005 at 8:53 PM
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You have to do what's best for you. Just remember that.
posted by
Ca88andra
on June 17, 2005 at 6:50 PM
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queen,
secrets have a way of escaping to bite you on the butt!!
posted by
Julia.
on June 17, 2005 at 6:27 PM
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ladymonk,
I'm sure it will bring peace, that is one of the reasons I want to write about it, along with (hopefully) helping others who may have similar feelings etc.
posted by
Julia.
on June 17, 2005 at 6:25 PM
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tanoo,
very well said...that's exactly what I meant!
posted by
Julia.
on June 17, 2005 at 6:23 PM
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behindamask,
"acceptance" or even "peace" I can agree with, but not closure.
posted by
Julia.
on June 17, 2005 at 6:22 PM
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I'M WITH YOU
'Closure' 'schmolser.' I gotta trippy family story, not as violent as yours nonethe less a closet story. My entire family denied it, most of them still do....as if it never took place and I'm the crazy one. Well yeah, admittedly so, I'm a bit looney but not Crazy! I've often thought about writing about it....not my looniness but the tragic family event other than my looniness. But I gotta say I'm scared cuz it's pretty much sacred now. A sacred secret that supoosedly only I and my brother are aware of! Good grief write your book I'll read it!
posted by
ALWAYSALOVER
on June 17, 2005 at 5:42 PM
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Quirky,
You're right...There are some events in a person's life for which there is no true closure. The situation with your brother is one of those...I hope your writing of this book will bring you at least some sense of peace. God bless you.
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on June 17, 2005 at 5:22 PM
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I guess one of our ways of dealing with some things is branding them with "closure" but is there really such a thing?some things dont have closure.... but remain to mingle and meld with our lives as a reminder and a hand that will suck us back to the past to tell us where we were and what we did along the way and keep us on the right path
posted by
Tanoolicious
on June 17, 2005 at 3:00 PM
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QUIRKY
Closure. Hmmm. There are so many possible ways to respond to this, but I don't believe in closure. I've been burned by that word one too many times. Now, I see more clearly when I use the word "acceptance." The past has a way of sneaking up on you, catching you off guard, haunting your subconscience. Kudos to you for writing about it...release is freedom!
posted by
behindamask
on June 17, 2005 at 2:45 PM
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Ariala,
I guess my family's way of coping is to not speak of it, but I still don't think of that as "closure."
posted by
Julia.
on June 17, 2005 at 2:42 PM
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Quirky, I think you're right...there are some things that will never make
sense and where closure is impossible...one just learns to cope, and even that seems ridiculous.
posted by
Ariala
on June 17, 2005 at 2:33 PM
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