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Darrkethoughts, there are several issues here that have been studied: why
women choose dangerous men, why women stay with abusive men, why they protect their abusers from consequences.
I think part of the answer has something to do with who we want to love us: If a Good Guy is our lover and protector, we still have to look out for the Bad Guys; If a Bad Guy loves us and looks out for us, then we don't have to worry about anyone. It's primal and primate, that response. Mother gorillas in the wild sometimes suffer the loss of their babies to an outsider male who gets past her mate's guard and kills the infant. Within a few days, the mother leaves the harem she was part of, and goes off with the agressor.
It is also a fact that abused children form a greater attachment to the abusing parent than to the other.
Another part of it is about our being healers by nature. Elements of our relationships as daughters with our fathers carries over to the way we choose our men later in life. Most of our fathers not quite perfect, and were more than likely not entirely happy. As children, we wanted and tried to make them happy. They were so much more fun when they were happy, and their happiness with us was essential validation that we were okay kids! But daddies persist in being troubled in whatever human way they have, with the same power trips, or addictions or confusions we all have as adults, and there is little that a little girl can do to change that. So we try and try again...
posted by
Ciel
on June 15, 2005 at 6:24 PM
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I always wonder why it is that people feel like "love" just happens. Why do people love a person who mistreats them, or has serious issues (like addiction), rather than "good" people? I know there is not as much excitement in loving a geeky guy as loving the rebel...but maybe we confuse excitement and love?
posted by
DarrkeThoughts
on June 12, 2005 at 7:03 AM
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great post, Ciel
it's the hidden thoughts and desires that are made manifest, no matter what we think we want. it took me a little while to realize this one. thanks.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 10, 2005 at 5:16 PM
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Hi Ciel
Letting the universe know what we are asking for,is this as prayer/meditation with attention and intention or can this be given by thinking and acting towards a goal like health or hapiness.Speaking of that attachment as not very needy and putting the universe on hold,what of changing intentions and attentions by creating choices on beliefs that change daily or even more frequent with moods and feelings.In this case a person is asking many things that contradict and collide.where center or being is, like a caravan with many pushs and pulls as the people steering have different wishes with means to go or move.You have posted on finding your center,I will look again.
Thank you Ciel,another wonderful post
posted by
appleworks7
on June 10, 2005 at 2:29 PM
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