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Indeed I am Temple
I must practice what I teach!
posted by
Transcendental_Child
on June 6, 2005 at 7:28 PM
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*succeeded
posted by
Temple
on June 6, 2005 at 7:26 PM
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Ms. N, you're boycotting your own blog?
Oh my, I finally have succeeding in tuning out the drama it looks like! I don't understand, but good luck! :)
posted by
Temple
on June 6, 2005 at 7:26 PM
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Temple...
Since I am boycotting my own blog- I will respond here to avoid any further attention to it. You're right. I was actually referring to the blogs that are currently gracing the top 10 - daily I suppose. Those that came about as a result of the hoopla... mine included. That is the reason I am boycotting it. I will make amends.
posted by
Transcendental_Child
on June 6, 2005 at 7:07 PM
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Temple
Your screen name is so very appropriate, for you house a beautiful soul! Your writing... stirs mine.
posted by
Transcendental_Child
on June 6, 2005 at 5:34 AM
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So, we can't just pretend I'm a puppy?
I'll pee on the floor... (this is an attractive visual) Family around makes all the difference, it's true. You appreciate your solitude much more. Hopefully one day I will have family or found family or both around me. My Mom was not trying to protect me, she did not want to talk to me and she knew I would want to come out, and she didn't want to see me. But, since then, she's had a change of heart (no pun intended) and realizes that she does need to see people more. She lumps me in the group of cousins, which is better than nothing, and although she won't call, she will email me and has been nice and sweet. I am trying not to get to invested, because it's very possible that once the drugs wear off and she feels better, she will change her mind.
Quicksand and I are familiar bedfellows. I work my way out slowly and promise to return. Hope you are well, Abuelita. I feel affection rise up from your desert hut to my ocean city. It makes me smile. I am hija, I say. This is good. 
posted by
Temple
on June 6, 2005 at 5:13 AM
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Geez, Rach, how do I respond to this?
Your comments make me cry....and I love you, too. There is a part of me that says if we talked more on the phone you'd get sick of hearing about the bombs that go off every day. I have a tendency to minimize how bad things are, and the only person who really knows is Jimmy. I really am pulling into myself right now, it's hard not to. When I reach out and am honest about it all, I lose people everytime. I hope you mean it, I hope you are tough to shake, because I want my little sister around when the upside finally gets here. Not to mention, I'm here for you, too, no matter what's going on with me. See, I'd call you all the time if I didn't think I'd be making you nuts. :)
You are already beautiful, inside and out. Funny, full of light and love, a great mom, a wonderful person. Let's just keep it together for each other, and because I want more stories like the one at the grocery store (what the fuck is that smell?). You are so strong, but you don't have to be with me. Deal? Thank you for that comment, and the perfectly timed phone call. Know that you are loved, too. 
posted by
Temple
on June 6, 2005 at 5:06 AM
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HG, letting go of what is gone is hard.
I had no choice, and I built my life around it. I have to find a new way to be, new things in my life, and it will be easier (for you, too, love). I do feel the love from you and my found family here, it means everything. That was very sweet, what you said. Thank you. Sometimes seeing yourself through other's eyes can help a lot.
posted by
Temple
on June 6, 2005 at 4:59 AM
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Wow, Reni....I made you speechless?
;) Thank you....I feel your sentiment and appreciate it.
posted by
Temple
on June 6, 2005 at 4:55 AM
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Jimmy, I know you are there.
But learning to express it is vital, especially if we can't see each other right now. I appreciate everything you do for me, and besides being my boyfriend, thank you for being my friend.
posted by
Temple
on June 6, 2005 at 4:54 AM
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gypsy girl, this is my wish also....
SO much. :) It's so nice to see you, and I hope you are healthy and doing well.
posted by
Temple
on June 6, 2005 at 4:53 AM
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Cass, yes, I am certain in my faith....that it is what I need.
I have always found serenity there, but I guess I'm just stuck at the moment. Jimmy said today that he was amazed at my resilience, but the alternatives do not appeal to me. I just have to keep trying. It's like I told you recently, the lesson is not how we do each individual thing, but that we remember that they don't matter....happiness is always with us, always ours. That is enlightenment, for me, and that is the goal. It's hard though. xoxo
posted by
Temple
on June 6, 2005 at 4:52 AM
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Temple, being a rescuer of people, who now only rescues doggies, I wish
that you were a puppy, then everything would be so simple for me. I'd drive over there, scoop you up into my arms, into my car and into my life and drag you into my desert tent.
I suppose that because I have so much family encircling me, it is so easy for me to love being alone most every day. I prefer it to all other things, except to making the grandchildren laugh and play with me. If I didn't have this huge crowd around me, I might feel very lonely and bereft.
It makes me insane to be told that someone was told not to call me and tell me something vitally important. They want to protect me, or not cause me to get upset, or they feel that I already have enough to worry about and this too shall pass before I could help out in any way, anyway. Or, they feel that I can do nothing to remedy things, so the problem or situation is best not talked about. Arrrrrrr................Mom does that. She didn't call the paramedics, just 200 yards away from her house about a heart attack, because they would let her three dogs get out and run loose in the neighborhood. My mommy, your mommy, silly women.
Of course, I shall be just as maddeningly silent when my time comes to hide things and I shall drive my significant others insane, in my turn. Sigh.....
Sorry, quicksand is a bitch, I know.......
posted by
benzinha
on June 5, 2005 at 5:40 AM
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Well...
You've got me. Seriously, and you'll have a tough time getting rid of me. You are not invisible or unloved in my mind. I will never get tired of hearing about your life--as terrible as it may seem at any given moment. Instead, I am anxious to hear about the good that will eventually come your way. It has to get better, doesn't it?
Yes, I love you for you. I love you, brain injury and all. I know this can never replace the love and support of your biological family but I hope that my love and support can be of comfort in the tough moments. And, I hope my reaching out to you will keep you hanging on, to keep you from pulling into yourself and living like you are invisible. To me, you are one of the most beautiful people I have ever come across. Beautiful inside and out, and so full of hope, love, and light. So full of the things I'd hope to be.
Stay strong. As much as it sucks to hang your hat on the philosophy that "everthing happens for a reason" you need to keep your chin up and realize that this is happening so that you can appreciate the good times all that much more. The good times are coming. Just keep holding on.
Know that you are loved. 
posted by
RachelAnna
on June 3, 2005 at 8:09 PM
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temple
I wish I could offer words of wisdom, but alas I have none. I feel perpetually lost, and like you I am unable to accept that what's gone is gone. I have it so much better than so many people, yet I can't seem to find happiness in the things that make me fortunate. Since I can't offer wisdom I can only offer encouragement and tell you that everyone who knows you has been touched by your kindness and courageous spirit, and we are pulling for you always. I hope you can feel that, even if just as a gentle touch here and there.
posted by
Holy_Grail
on June 3, 2005 at 6:22 PM
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Words escape me...Be strong--like you are already...
posted by
Renigade
on June 3, 2005 at 1:27 PM
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I'm still here for you baby...
and always will be. Expressing it is hard though - knowing that you are drowning and being unable to keep you afloat is harder yet...but I keep trying...
posted by
jimmy68
on June 3, 2005 at 1:22 PM
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Temple, I just really hope things will work out for you eventually.
posted by
RedHeadedGypsy
on June 3, 2005 at 7:06 AM
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I think you are right. Your faith is strong and will guide you. I remember how certain of your faith and your beliefs you were when we talked on the phone so long ago now. I found your belief in Buddhism and your faith in it a wonderful thing then and I know if you let it, it will help you. xoxo
posted by
Ca88andra
on June 3, 2005 at 2:58 AM
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