Go to MY PERCEPTIVE REFLECTION!!
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- Go to BLIMEY AT 12???? SHE GAVE BIRTH AND 2 SISTERS GET JEALOUS AND DO THE SAME!!
I'ts hard to take a stand as a parent, and defy a kid's defiance...
and caving under the pressure of "I won't love you any more!" is easier, but here's another bit that took me way too long to realize: First, they will love you in spite of all intentions to the contrary; Second, life experience counts for something--which is why the parent makes the rules. I learned to say to my kids-- "I may be wrong, but I'm the parent, so we are going to do this my way anyhow."
Oh, yeah, and there is this one that worked really well, too: "If you whine and cry for something, then I can't give it to you, because then you'd learn it's okay to whine and cry, and that would make me a bad mother." Boy, does that bit of logic ever shut off the waterworks fast! Even a little 'un can follow that logic!
That's what I call 'enlightened self-interest' in action!
posted by
Ciel
on May 26, 2005 at 10:03 AM
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Honestly, the mother of these girls is not mature enough to raise them.
posted by
Justi
on May 26, 2005 at 6:29 AM
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This is sad. In the farming days, more kids meant more farm hands to help out. Our modern times are different but the morals are in sad state too.
Ann.
posted by
A-and-B
on May 25, 2005 at 2:18 PM
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Symphony...
Here in America, I believe the legal age of sexual conscent varies by state. However, in most states if a child under the age of eighteen is known to be having sex with an older person, the parents may file charges of statetory rape.
Yes, it breaks my heart to see little girls trying to have babies of their own...
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on May 25, 2005 at 12:47 PM
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I agree, offbeatpub
it is ridiculous ...something should have happened at least!....I don't know how these girls will cope it's quite sad to think about....thank you for sharing
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 25, 2005 at 9:59 AM
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Symphony
That Mother should be given a jail sentence. If she left the child off on some deserted street she would have been charged with child endangerment. What a sickoo! It's tough enough in today's world for kids, these parents need to take charge of the childrens lives at such a tender age. I guess I was lucky, my girl remained a Tom boy far into her high school years. I did tell her around the age of 13 years that if she ever needed anything and I said I mean "anything".. you just come to me and we will work it out..
posted by
Offy
on May 25, 2005 at 9:55 AM
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Ciel
thank you ever so much for sharing this with me...wow I feel better...I guess I am not going to know what to do unless I am in the situation...but its great that I know so much before hand...as I admit, I am now worried...but I will let them be who they are and speak to me about anything...
Thank you
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 25, 2005 at 9:53 AM
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MerryAnne
Exactley.....I love protected them...one day they're turn around and say they wont need me anymore...I will be very sad
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 25, 2005 at 9:50 AM
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Symphony, I think you are on the right track...
As the mother of two daughters, now both grown and starting their own families, I can tell you what worked for us: From the earliest age, I tried to convey to them that I was safe to talk to, that I would not punish them for anything they said. Later, they kept the secrets they needed to keep, but when things came up that were too big for them to deal with alone, they came to me, and brought school friends to talk to me, that couldn't talk to their own parents.
When they reached puberty, plus a little, I took each of them to meet the family doctor, a woman, and told them in front of the doctor that when they decided they needed birth control, they could come to her without me if they chose to, and make their own arrangements. I made sure they had someone to go to and talk to if they felt uncomfortable talking with me about it.
Now and then, the topics of love and sex would come up in casual conversation, I told them what I thought was most important, and about both physical and emotional consequences... I never told them what they should believe or do. I trusted them to make their own decisions in their own time, their own worlds.
Our children don't grow up into the same world we did, and many of the social rules and protocols are different, too. In that different context, different decisions may be better than the old ones... I just made sure that they knew the old ones, too, and could weigh them in the balance.
It's evident from your writing that you are a conscientious parent, and that your kids will have no reason to doubt that you love them. When they are adults chatting with you about their childhoods, they will be mostly happy conversations!
posted by
Ciel
on May 25, 2005 at 9:49 AM
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Me too Symph,
I wish there was some way that I could keep them just the way they are now and spare them the weight of this world.
posted by
MerryAnne
on May 25, 2005 at 9:47 AM
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very true, MerryAnne
I wasn't worried at all...never really thought about it....but all week on every channel....its talk about this...and NOW I'M NERVOUS!....argh...I wish my kids could stay little and innocent forever
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 25, 2005 at 9:44 AM
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It's a fine line to walk Symph,
you want your kids to trust you and know they can talk to you about this, but you don't want to encourage it. Haveing two daughters suddenly makes me nervous!
posted by
MerryAnne
on May 25, 2005 at 9:39 AM
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smartdog_670
you are totally right, if we let them be themselves and let them talk as openly as they feel, then they would broach the subject themselves thanks for that...it sure made me think...
I still worry though...as I would hate for my daughter to do it behind my back (hope it never comes to that)
but what about the clinics?...who offer condoms, pill, afterpill, and abortions without notifying parents?..to me it sounds dodgy..but on the other hand....it could be a good responsilbility for kids who paretns to embaressed to talk freely (those parents who are not up for answering questions)..such difficult questions to answer but are reality!
thank you so much for this.....I am going to read you right now...
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 25, 2005 at 9:19 AM
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ooops
Symphony,
It looks like I misread your post at first regarding the ages of the girls having the competition. I will correct my piece.
posted by
smartdog_670
on May 25, 2005 at 9:02 AM
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Thanks!
Symphony - I decided to post a short piece on my feelings about the subject on my blog - thanks for the inspiration!
Yes. It is a difficult question. But my main point is that we often become so involved with the idea that this is all about sex. To me it's all about the kids. I'm not saying you should never bring up the subject. But, kids who are taught to be self aware, and to talk about what they are going through (whether it's about their homework, what they like to eat, or whatever), they will be more likely to broach the subject themselves - and I believe that helps them to deal with it more effectively.
posted by
smartdog_670
on May 25, 2005 at 8:59 AM
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thanks for sharing Tapsel-T
you are great...
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 25, 2005 at 8:30 AM
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My thoughts exactley.....Tanoolicious
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 25, 2005 at 8:30 AM
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SYMPHONY, this sounds like a real unhealthy home situation for these girls in many ways. I think that as conscientious and caring a mother that you are, you will know the right thing to do at the right time and will sense that it is the right time. I think that in this day and age there is much pressure on parents to teach sex education and that this pressure makes them rush the whole thing.
posted by
TAPS.
on May 25, 2005 at 8:14 AM
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There is no legal age for sex back home, hehehehe its just considered so wrong!! LOL and sex before marriage causes soooo many problems and divorce and scandal.... thats why there are "special" surgeries to take care of that incase the girl was uhhh having sex 
12? Jeeeeeeezus!!!! And the others raced? These people need therapy, BADLY ... with the mindset of the mother letting a 12 year old have sex how the fuck can she blame the school!
posted by
Tanoolicious
on May 25, 2005 at 7:27 AM
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I agree with most of what your saying, smartdog_670
but, what about if a child felt embarrassed to broach the subject?...would it not be better to offer them the chance...
its a hard one....because I know what your saying about the filling their imagination...but then I am thinking there is going to be day...you know?
maybe your right and their should not be any talk...but if their was signs...would you then?
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 25, 2005 at 7:11 AM
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thank you gypsyredhead33
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 25, 2005 at 7:08 AM
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thats a neat idea, Ca88andra
good thinking.....
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 25, 2005 at 7:08 AM
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Thank you for sharing, CeeSee
I totally agree with you
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 25, 2005 at 7:07 AM
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A competition where everyone loses?
Sad. But it sounds like that's actually the case here.
I agree that the girls were too young. And sex, in their case, was framed in a seriously destructive way. IF the purpose of them having sex was to compete, then how is the 'loser' going to feel about sex?
I happen to disagree with "modern wisdom" about discussing sex with your kids. I believe you should be totally honest and open to their questions, but talking to them about it at a very young age will only fuel their imagination.
I'm not saying that you should never never introduce the subject, but to me the whole issue of when to talk about sex with your kids obviates the real issue - self esteem and responsibility. Teenagers should be tought how to manage their own sexuality responsibly; not force fed often conflicting information from schools, peers, and parents
posted by
smartdog_670
on May 25, 2005 at 6:59 AM
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Good God Symph...
I shudder at the thought. I wouldn't let my daughter have a bf at 12, much less let him stay in her room. Why don't you just stand there and give pointers while you're at it??? I wonder at times what the hell people are thinking. That's sheer parental laziness. Thank goodness you're such a good mommy. You won't have to worry about your daughter doing that. Just remain vigilent and keep caring.
posted by
RedHeadedGypsy
on May 25, 2005 at 6:48 AM
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I always answered my boys questions about sex, but when each of them turned 10 I showed them the video "Where Do I Come From?" and gave them the book of the same name. I got the other boys staying with friends or something so the 10 year old felt comfortable to ask questions. To answer some of your other questions, 16 is the legal age here too and I think 12 is far too young to be a mother. There is too much pressure on schools to teach things like sex, I believe its up to the parents.
posted by
Ca88andra
on May 25, 2005 at 5:09 AM
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I am shocked too
I think it is best to be open about sex right from the word go. I think the "birds and the bees talk" is over rated and it should be part of learning in life, maybe if we answered the questions on sex like we answer questions on "why is the sky blue" it would not be so taboo and it might chill our kids out when it comes to experimentation. Plus, if we are open with them and they trust us, they shoulod naturally turn to us when their hormones are raging and ask for advice, if we have made it clear it's ok to talk about it that is?????
posted by
CeeSee
on May 25, 2005 at 4:57 AM
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