Go to MY PERCEPTIVE REFLECTION!!
- Add a comment
- Go to I WISH I COULD HELP HIM BUT HE DOESN'T LET ME, HE SHOUTS AT ME INSTEAD!!!!!
Thanks David1Spirit
although I think it's too late because he is in his 60's so I cant see a change occuring but thank you for your kind thoughts...(I am glad your dad was man enough to face his problems) take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 9:54 AM
| link to this | reply
One can only wish for the best for you!
There isn't much else we can do! 
My father was avery heavy drinker. Then some point in his 40's (when I was in my 20's) he just pretty much stopped. I was happy about that.
I hope that that will be the case for you and yours!
posted by
David1Spirit
on May 5, 2005 at 9:43 AM
| link to this | reply
lovelyladymonk ...Thank you so much for sharing this with me
I am so sorry for you too, maybe we can talk about it together to have eachother as support because we understand eachother very well, I do hope you are ok, again thank you for sharing this with me, you are a wonderful woman....take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 9:09 AM
| link to this | reply
Thank you so much jimmy68
you are great
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 9:07 AM
| link to this | reply
Symphony...
Both of my parents are alcoholics as well. They openly admit this, but refuse to acknowledge that the drinking is destroying them and therefore are refusing to seek help of any kind. As a young woman, I constantly begged my mom to stop, but she refused.
The saddest thing for any child of an alcoholic parent to do is to step back and realise that they can't force their loved ones to go off the drink...They will only do so when and if they choose...Sometimes, no matter how hard or how much we plead, they just can't hear it.
Of course you care about your dad...I still care about mine...He's very ill (though amazingly enough, not from the alcoholism) and is dying and there's absolutely nothing I can do for him because he refuses to let me in or help him in any way.
It's terribly wrong of your family to try to convince you that your dad isn't worth your time, compassion, or worry. ALL HUMAN BEINGS deserve these things in their lives...Regardless of what they have or haven't done. If people could only learn to understand and accept this, we'd all be a hell of a lot better off.
Keep me posted, won't you? I hope your dad is found soon, whatever the ending...So that you can have some peace. You've been a good daughter to him...Don't ever let your family or anyone else who knows you tell you otherwise.
I'll be on and offline line for most of the day, so if you need a chat let me know. Please e-mail me. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Peace be unto you...God bless.
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on May 5, 2005 at 8:42 AM
| link to this | reply
Hey Symphony...
you are a sweetheart, remember that...
posted by
jimmy68
on May 5, 2005 at 8:24 AM
| link to this | reply
Tapsel-T....see that is just it...it's a feeling of uselessness
and if anything did happen to him (touch wood) then I know I would feel guilty because somehow I think I should have tried harder, I think that is what frustrates me because I want to give him all the help in the world but he throws it back in my face and it does hurt, because I so much would like to make him understand or listen or even reason that he needs help....but sadly....he wont budge and now I have no idea where he is....
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 7:41 AM
| link to this | reply
SYMPHONY luv, you are in that hard place where there is nothing you can really do for your father except love him anyway and pray for him. The best thing that you can do for him is to take care of yourself and your little ones and not let this get you down. Keep yourself healthy and well and if something terrible should happen to him, never, never let guilt feelings take over. It is not your fault, never has been, and you can't cure him.
posted by
TAPS.
on May 5, 2005 at 7:35 AM
| link to this | reply
I know...MayB
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 7:35 AM
| link to this | reply
Thank you Hollee
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 7:34 AM
| link to this | reply
You can only do what you can do. Sadly you can't change him
posted by
Azur
on May 5, 2005 at 7:30 AM
| link to this | reply
Symph - sorry things are so hard with you and Dad. You're in my thoughts.
posted by
Hollee
on May 5, 2005 at 7:30 AM
| link to this | reply
LOL......Justsouno
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 7:23 AM
| link to this | reply
If she spent half her time attending her own business and half staying out
of other people's business she would be full time busy.
posted by
Justi
on May 5, 2005 at 7:22 AM
| link to this | reply
Thank you Justsouno
although this post is nothing to do with being victims...YLF has decided to bring all this up...
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 7:19 AM
| link to this | reply
You-look-fabulous
it's obvious you didn't read my post and it's obvious you know nothing about my life, my mum and dad also divorced very young, we have all been through a lot of shit in our childhoods, but at the end of the day its our life so its up to us to do something about it....if I didn't pick myself up and become "me" now...I would be as screwed up as you are today.....
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 7:18 AM
| link to this | reply
Symphony you are so right. People choose to stay victims. I am proud of
what you are doing with your life.
posted by
Justi
on May 5, 2005 at 7:16 AM
| link to this | reply
Thanks temple and Tanoolicious
but YLF does this about my husband all the time, (whether the post is about it or not)......sometimes I think she has more of a problem with herself (something she isn't telling me)
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 7:15 AM
| link to this | reply
You-look-fabulous
you chose to let it ruin your life then thats down to you, this is my life and I choose what is right for me, I am not going to make myself unhappy if I don't need to be, God is on my side whichever I do, I chose not to be a victim....I think it's about time you DID the same...
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 7:13 AM
| link to this | reply
Besides YLF, she wasn't trashing anyone...
She was talking about her FATHER not her HUSBAND....and if her husband is abusive or mean to her, if she's not happy, or if anyone is wrong to her, she has a right to walk away and find happiness....family or not....she clearly pointed out her attempted to help her father and his rejections of her.
posted by
Temple
on May 5, 2005 at 7:12 AM
| link to this | reply
YLF I think you ruined your whole life not their divorce... one should see the wrong others do and strive to do better..you done... if you looked at things differently you could look in the mirror wearing a 'real' smile and not a bitter scowl... ignore me all you want,,, i dont give a damn but i sure wont let you upset my friends
posted by
Tanoolicious
on May 5, 2005 at 7:03 AM
| link to this | reply
Let me word that more accurately ...
My parents' divorce ruined my entire life. I cannot support trashing the family as a whole and well unit. That is a destructive act which contributes to all of our problems and illnesses.
posted by
TARZANA
on May 5, 2005 at 6:44 AM
| link to this | reply
I'm only saying that from the point of view of a daughter of parents who divorced when I was very young, it really destroyed my entire life. I can never support the complete trashing of either one of my parents, or the wholeness and wellness of any of my family members.
posted by
TARZANA
on May 5, 2005 at 6:37 AM
| link to this | reply
I was not at all trying to be nasty. Y'all have the wrong idea about me.
I was not at all trying to be nasty. Y'all have the wrong idea about me.
posted by
TARZANA
on May 5, 2005 at 6:35 AM
| link to this | reply
ginnieb ...Thank you ever so much for your wonderful comment
I hope you have a wonderful day.....(I hope your feeling a little better) take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 6:28 AM
| link to this | reply
Dear Symphony....
...you have a heart of gold...after all the sadness and pain you have had in your life. I hope you hear some news soon and I'm sorry you are treated so badly by your Dad but you must have one of the biggest hearts I have ever come across. Big hugs to you today Symph...and also so sorry someone has left you a nasty comment at a time like this...some people are not to be believed...the exact opposite of loving 'givers' like you. You try to take care of yourself okay Symphony....be good to you. Love, Ginnie
posted by
ginnieb
on May 5, 2005 at 6:21 AM
| link to this | reply
Thank you ever so much Temple
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 6:20 AM
| link to this | reply
homegirl
Thank you so much
.....I guess your right.....my head is spinning with "what to do's"
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 6:19 AM
| link to this | reply
yes it never does help.....FactorFiction
but I guess that is our barriers that we hold up, like a wall......
Thank you so much
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 6:17 AM
| link to this | reply
FactorFiction,
I'm not needling her. I'm only trying to help her, but she just keeps yelling at me.
posted by
TARZANA
on May 5, 2005 at 6:17 AM
| link to this | reply
No, sweet girl, he will not mind at all.
I will mention it to him in my morning email to him. In fact, I'll email you his email address so that you're email to him can be private (not on the Blogit server). You're strong, you'll find the way. :)
posted by
Temple
on May 5, 2005 at 6:17 AM
| link to this | reply
You-look-fabulous
when are you going to get it??????????????
I didn't just break up with ym husband because of DRINK...I put up with it for months.....I left him because he hit me...he smashed up my home infront of my kids...and many more violent reasons......so shut up about it....this post is NOTHING to do with him....ARGH
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 6:16 AM
| link to this | reply
Thanks Ann.
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 6:14 AM
| link to this | reply
Temple
you are so wonderful and no you wasn't stepping over the line, I know that you are right and if jmmy doesn't mind I would like to email him and hope he can give me some advice because I am stuck in two minds, thank you ever so much for everything you are truly wonderful to me..Thank you
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 6:13 AM
| link to this | reply
YLF, why are you needling Symphony?
The topic you have chosen is not even the same as her post. She is worried about her father and you are harping on other things. Have a heart already!
posted by
FactorFiction
on May 5, 2005 at 6:11 AM
| link to this | reply
Thank you so much Tanoolicious
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 6:11 AM
| link to this | reply
pay no attention to YOU-LOOK-IGNORANT....
... I am convinced she is insane.
Although I strongly believe in the sanctity of marriage vows, your situation with your husband is between you, him, and God.
On the other hand... I think you are probably the best, most dedicated daughter in the world.
he, your Father is abusive to you because he can't believe someone can love him when he doesn't love himself. In the end, you will be blessed.
I hope he is safe. Pray for him and check periodically, but don't drive yourself too crazy with worry and fear... there are just things you cannot control.
posted by
homegirl
on May 5, 2005 at 6:10 AM
| link to this | reply
Hey Symphony,
I'm ignoring that inappropriate comment.
Now regarding your Dad, you know you can't help an alcoholic if they don't want to help themselves. That does not mean you won't love him and care for him no matter what. I hope things turn out okay this time. I am the type of person who prepares myself for the worst too. Yet it never seems to help when the worst actually happens, huh?
posted by
FactorFiction
on May 5, 2005 at 6:07 AM
| link to this | reply
I'm sorry Symphony.
I forgot that you aren't willing to talk about this. I was only thinking in terms of the sincere meaning of marriage vows "... in sickness and in health, until death do we part." I think addiction should be cured, and the person who suffers shouldn't be thrown out anymore than if they had cancer, or heart trouble.
posted by
TARZANA
on May 5, 2005 at 6:04 AM
| link to this | reply
Some people refuse to be helped as they are not ready.
Never give money, but give groceries instead if you're really worried. Make sure he's willing to accept them first. Otherwise, it might get thrown away.
Ann.
posted by
A-and-B
on May 5, 2005 at 6:01 AM
| link to this | reply
Temple
thanks sweetie! The comments she left were so uncalled for!
posted by
Tanoolicious
on May 5, 2005 at 5:55 AM
| link to this | reply
but she has bigger balls than me....I love that about her....
posted by
Temple
on May 5, 2005 at 5:53 AM
| link to this | reply
LOL....
See, Tanoo my girl agrees with me...
posted by
Temple
on May 5, 2005 at 5:53 AM
| link to this | reply
Symphony, love, totally ignore that comment.
That is irrelvant to your situation. If you want real insight, real true insight on how to deal with your Dad and feel better? Talk to Jimmy (68). He is a love, you know he's my boyfriend I think. He was an alcoholic and has been sober now for years. Then he was a drug and alcoholic counselor and in college, raising his son, doing wonderfully. My father, my whole family on one side are. You cannot reason with him ever. It is NEVER EVER your fault. Not EVER. It is him. And, you are best letting him be. Until or unless he ever decides to get sober, nothing will ever change. You are such a sweet, sweet girl. And I don't even know you very well and I can see your big darling heart. You cannot change him. If you want to look in on him, okay, but be prepared it will always be that way. The only way he will ever change is if he hits bottom. Email Jimmy68 and he will talk to you and make you feel better, I promise. Meantime, stop selling yourself short with these tits (I love that, no one in the States says that!) that treat you beneath your worth. Come visit me in San Diego and we'll find you a gentleman. :) You are a loving person, and until you know your own worth, no man will. Forgive me if I'm overstepping, but I would love to see you happy with some nice man and not letting these people get to you. You are like me in the way you are so sensitive. I understand. Email me if you'd like to also and we'll chat. Just surround yourself with those who love and appreciate you, not your toxic ex and your grumpy drunk father!
posted by
Temple
on May 5, 2005 at 5:52 AM
| link to this | reply
YLF shut the fuck up... mind your own bloody business.... Jesus Christ you are the most annoying person I know! If you have nothing to say which is most of the time then go dissapear!
Sym sweetie you're doing the right thing by calling him... I hope with all my heart he is okay... I know everyone grieves in their own way... When you find him, call him every week to show that you care and slowly that bitter shell he has around him will start to crack... God bless... keep us updated habibi!
posted by
Tanoolicious
on May 5, 2005 at 5:51 AM
| link to this | reply
You-look-fabulous
you have no idea what your talking about...so don't start this up again (about my husband) as this post has nothing to do with him!
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 5, 2005 at 5:44 AM
| link to this | reply
I know what it is, Symphony. He is certain that you don't care about him because you booted your husband. If you ask me, you gotta treat your husband like the one that needs your help, and not abandon him, or else, you will never demonstrate to that father of the family that you care at all for his wellbeing.
posted by
TARZANA
on May 5, 2005 at 5:42 AM
| link to this | reply