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Okay, point taken.
posted by
Thomas_cranklin1
on May 3, 2005 at 9:39 AM
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Thomas, I wrote this poem as I watched such a video a little over one year ago, and believe me, she was walking with a spring in her step, how I don't but she was, and it was that walk that inspire me to write the poem! Again, thank you for reading and commenting, and I look forward to reading your work!
posted by
MountainClimber57
on May 3, 2005 at 9:37 AM
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Luckily I've never experienced anything close to starvation. But if I had, and this is only a logical estimation, I'm thinking a sack of flour on my head would force me to collapse out of exhaustion; walking with a spring in my step, I wouldn't be. Don't get me wrong, I like the poem and I understand the point you are trying to make. But if you want to evoke an emotional response with your poetry (as most poets do), then your choice of words and phrases has to be one hundred percent faithful to the image. 
posted by
Thomas_cranklin1
on May 3, 2005 at 9:31 AM
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Thomas Cranklin 1, thank you for reading and commenting -- if you had been without food, wouldn't you walk with a spring in your step, even in you had a sack of flour on your head. Your point is well taken!
posted by
MountainClimber57
on May 3, 2005 at 9:21 AM
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It is nicely said. Just one technical thing though, you'll have to excuse me here, would a woman with a 'heavy sack of flour' on her head really walk with a 'spring in her step'...?
posted by
Thomas_cranklin1
on May 3, 2005 at 9:13 AM
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NICELY SAID!!!!!
posted by
Frustrated
on May 3, 2005 at 8:16 AM
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