Go to MY PERCEPTIVE REFLECTION!!
- Add a comment
- Go to BLOGIT, IT IS TIME WE HAD A HEART TO HEART, WE HAVE NOT HAD ONE IN A WHILE!
Makes no sense going on if you know you are not doing
what's right for you. You've done the right thing by breaking it off.
posted by
word.smith
on April 15, 2005 at 9:55 AM
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I can not Thank you all enough, for all your wonderful advice...
Thank you all so very much...
I love you all
posted by
_Symphony_
on April 15, 2005 at 4:55 AM
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Symphony
First, your too sweet to be a bitch. Second, do whatever it takes to make YOU happy... that's just IMHO cause you know Iam not too good with relationships either, but then again, I am probably a bitch... Your soo sweet, don't settle for anything less than you deserve...
posted by
Offy
on April 14, 2005 at 6:19 PM
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Symphony To Thine Own Self Be True
I love you love...
posted by
mysteria
on April 14, 2005 at 3:57 PM
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Follow your heart...
don't worry too much about him...he'll get over it; but if you don't break it off you'll probably end up hating him...it's too hard to be in a relationship you don't want...good luck...
posted by
jimmy68
on April 13, 2005 at 11:27 PM
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Symphony,
I think you're getting a lot of good advice here. Don't feel guilty about hurting HIS feelings, he's completely ignoring yours and overriding everything that you've told him about not wanting to get too intense too soon, about children. He's needy and desperate and it will only get worse. Personally, I think Gypsy's right, he's not going to hear you say slow down, so best to get out at once. Best of luck.
posted by
Blanche.
on April 13, 2005 at 11:08 PM
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Don't make it dramatic at all...just tell him that
you'd like to slow down a little. things are going too fast for you. That's a good one that is really true here.
Then, when he can't or won't back off, you have a perfect out. You say, "Hey, I told you that I'm not ready for anything this intense/serious. I asked you to slow down. You haven't."
posted by
Passionflower
on April 13, 2005 at 11:00 PM
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You're not a bitch. How about just reading what you wrote here to him? Tell him the truth-in the long run its the only answer. Tell him that you express yourself in written form sometimes better the voice. Its just another idea. The final choice is yours which adds excitement to life.
posted by
ThomasFranklin
on April 13, 2005 at 8:57 PM
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Symphony, most of the advice you were given below was good. Just reading your description of him makes it clear why you want and need to get out.
Someone who sends that sort of text message about having met the woman he wants to have kids with is way too intense. Clearly he has built up a fantasy of the life he could have with you but given you do not feel the same there is no sense prolonging it. When you have a talk with him don't allow him to browbeat you into reconsidering. Only say what you must say. The bottom line is that you don't feel the same way about him and no amount of analysis or cajoling can alter that. You are not a bitch. You are acting responsibly.
I don't think that this means that you are not ready for a new relationship - just not this one. Also you have learnt something from this about what you want. I would only say that next time, and I hope it is not too far away, that you must ease into it. Any decent guy will cope with that. Take care.
posted by
Azur
on April 13, 2005 at 1:07 PM
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Symphony...
You're not a bitch...You need to do this for yourself...And probably for him, too. If he truly cares for you, he'll understand and slow things down between the two of you. If not, then he's not really worth the stress. It sounds to me as if he's not willing to hear what you need to say. If that's the case, it's time to let go.
You also have the children to consider here...If you're not ready for a serious relationship, you're not ready and that's that. You did, after all, tell him from the very beginning that you weren't ready for or interested in a serious relationship yet. If he's chosen not to hear that from you, it's his problem.
My advice is, don't invite him round to tell him...But don't text him either...Invite him to a public place and tell him there...Given your past situation, it's best to be safe...
Don't know if you can get into your messenger yet, but I'm here if you need to chat...If not, please e-mail me...I'm thinking of you.
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on April 13, 2005 at 12:02 PM
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Tell him goodbye Symph
This guy is not going to hear "we need to slow it down, I don't want a long term relationship". You will need to be very clear and very blunt unfortunately. Tell him that you only want to have a friendships rather than a relationship with anyone, not just him and that he needs to stop calling or texting. Tell him if he really does think that much of you, that he will give you this space.
This isn't going to be easy Symph, he is a classic type that won't take no for an answer. It's better to be kind and firm than to let him down easy over a period of time. The longer this goes on, the worse it will get.
Let us know what happens and take care of YOU Symph,
posted by
DivineDiva
on April 13, 2005 at 10:30 AM
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Honesty is best for everyone involved
At least by talking to him face to face he knows where he stands with you. Avoiding him will keep him wondering and cause nothing but hard feelings. Good luck!
posted by
Sherri_G
on April 13, 2005 at 10:26 AM
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MariVye
I wish you lived near me, I would love to grab a coffee and a chat
...you are so on my wave lentgh..
posted by
_Symphony_
on April 13, 2005 at 8:38 AM
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ditto
posted by
MariVye
on April 13, 2005 at 8:33 AM
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Thank you, MariVye....
you are just wonderful
posted by
_Symphony_
on April 13, 2005 at 8:31 AM
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You are not alone Sym.
Keep sharing and we will keep encouraging ...
posted by
MariVye
on April 13, 2005 at 8:03 AM
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Thank you, MariVye
I wasn't sure if anybody would understand, but it seems you all do, thank you
posted by
_Symphony_
on April 13, 2005 at 8:02 AM
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You are not a *itch Symphony!
You are sweet!
I think telling him to his face is the right thing to do and you should explain it to him in much the same way you explained it to us so that he gets the whole picture. I think that is fair.
posted by
MariVye
on April 13, 2005 at 7:35 AM
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gypsyredhead33
I love ya, that is put so simple, yet, its right to the point, I have not answered him at all yet, as I still in the thinking stage, but I am going to answer him to talk to him and tell him all this.....Thank you
posted by
_Symphony_
on April 13, 2005 at 6:58 AM
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Thanks, Ann.
I thought I did want to meet somebody, but I guess I am not ready for a relationship, and I especially am not desperate....as the saying goes...there be plenty more fish in the sea.....when I am ready.....
posted by
_Symphony_
on April 13, 2005 at 6:57 AM
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FactorFiction
Thank you so much, you are totally right
posted by
_Symphony_
on April 13, 2005 at 6:56 AM
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Thank you, MerryAnne
I think its time it was over...
posted by
_Symphony_
on April 13, 2005 at 6:55 AM
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Thank you so much, roofpig
posted by
_Symphony_
on April 13, 2005 at 6:54 AM
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Bitch??? Not even!!!!!!!
Symph... you have to just tell him that you aren't ready for that kind of relationship and while you do like him and enjoy his company, he's very obviously looking for much more than you can give. Tell him you're sorry to hurt him but it's best to end things before they become further invested. Also, tell him that it's not a good idea to see each other any more. Once you've said this and he says something about remaining friends .... don't fall for it. Cut off all communication because this guy is a stalker in the making. I sense the signs just from what you've said. Don't text back, answer his calls or anything. Just tell him the facts and say goodbye. Be careful and great big hugs from me.
posted by
RedHeadedGypsy
on April 13, 2005 at 6:35 AM
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symphony,
You wanted to meet someone. Now, you're not ready for this kind of bloke. Its only fair to break, distance away or re-think your long term desires.
It maybe a very long time before a suitable bloke comes by again. Please think carefully. Good luck.
Ann.
posted by
A-and-B
on April 13, 2005 at 6:30 AM
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Okay this is a lot easier for me to say than for you to do...
but, IMO lose him as quickly as you can. Unless you want a Very Large child in your life draining your energy, quit while you are ahead. I know that is really harsh, but no matter how nice he is sometimes, he is way too demanding and that is not going to get better. You have a home and kids and a job and you don't need to take care of this guy too...
posted by
FactorFiction
on April 13, 2005 at 6:10 AM
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Here is my thought.
You have two choices - both of which involve talking to him. One you set some boundarys - he can't stay over every night, he can't hassle you at work and he has to chill on the text messages. If he can't take the restrictions then that's it. Or just break it off entirely. Don't feel bad - you were up front with him to start with, but he seems pretty clingy. And frankly you already have two kids to take care of.
posted by
MerryAnne
on April 13, 2005 at 6:07 AM
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You should only feel guilty if you continue to not say anything to him. Don't feel guilty about not wanting a serious relationship. He sounds uber-needy and that's not what you want right now obviously. Honesty hurts, but not as much keeping silent.
posted by
roofpig
on April 13, 2005 at 5:48 AM
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