Go to Far Be It For Me To Complain, But...
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- Go to Me Pregnant? At 35 Years Old? Spitfire’s Gonna Be Somebody’s Mom? Poor Kid!
LittlemsP, yeah, I told him how I feel.
He's won't pressure me into anything; especially cause of the health factor. We'll have to see what happens!
posted by
SpitFire70
on April 13, 2005 at 5:27 PM
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Wow Spitfire!
That's a lot of thoughts going through your mind! Maybe you're right - if it happens it happens. At least though, he has spoken about what it is he wants - now it's your turn. Have you told him any of your fears? I'm sure some of them he'll tell you not to worry about and others, well, he needs to know about them if he is going to have to help you live through some of the issues (if any come to fruition).
posted by
littlemspickles
on April 13, 2005 at 4:32 AM
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I think the "whatever will be will be" approach is the best and only way to go. Sometimes we just have to sit back and let the universe have its way with us. I wish sometimes that I had been a mother, but apparently that's not in the cards for me, and I have to be okay with that since there's nothing I can do about it. Best of luck to you and M!
posted by
Holy_Grail
on April 11, 2005 at 4:42 AM
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Word, yeah, I do plan on going to the doc soon.
Thanks. Good to hear from ya, too!
posted by
SpitFire70
on April 10, 2005 at 1:26 PM
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Spitfire,
Maybe a trip to the doctor would tell you what's going on on the inside. Thirty-five is not exactly over the hill and if you can care for the needs of others, there's nothing to stop you taking care of your own. Still, it's all a matter of choice.
posted by
word.smith
on April 10, 2005 at 10:35 AM
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wait! don't answer....I will call you this weekend....go to sleep!
posted by
Temple
on April 9, 2005 at 1:46 AM
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::: writing on the calendar....spitfire....remembers....something...:::
Yay! That's so cool! But, what does it mean?
posted by
Temple
on April 9, 2005 at 1:46 AM
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OH! YAY, Temple! I remembered!
(Mark this day...Spitfire remembered something.) Well, actually, I don't wanna discuss it publically too much, but two of my close friends just became Reike MASTERS! It's sooooo kewl. I wonder (I'm sure) they can help you even though we live so far away from one another. One of the sister, I think, lives NEAR YOU! I've done readings for them among other things for them and they have offered MANY times to do Reike healings for me or my loved ones in return of gratitude for my services.
posted by
SpitFire70
on April 9, 2005 at 1:43 AM
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yes, the birthday email?
I got that one....where you had something that wasn't quite ready yet? That's the last one I got. I'll call soon, this weekend perhaps. I'll be the one breathing heavy. ;) Have a beautiful ceremony tomorrow. Love and light, sister. Let this one go for now, okay?
posted by
Temple
on April 9, 2005 at 1:40 AM
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Temple,
K, like I GOTTA go to bed now (that sucks) but only cause I'm marrying my best friend tomorrow and I still have to reprint the friggin ceremony to fit into my "book" so I can read it. It's soooo late here. PLEASE call me soon. We MUST talk. Oh, and did you get my recent email? Just curious. Um, there was one more thing I wanted to ask you or tell you, but shit, it's gone now.
posted by
SpitFire70
on April 9, 2005 at 1:37 AM
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Temple, wait, I just realized that I actually
was just thinking that; not typing it about the kindred souls. (Unless I did in another post.) See? Ya don't have to have a brain injury to be of like mind with others who have just been like this their WHOLE FRIGGIN LIFE! JCF!
Okay, I'm convinced. We're both creepy, weird, and in tune with each others' thoughts. Do I hear the Twilight Zone Theme right now? 
Damn, Woman! You need to call me. And SOON! 
posted by
SpitFire70
on April 9, 2005 at 1:31 AM
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Regret.....well, that's a tricky one...
It hurts a lot that I don't think I will be able to have children. I always wanted to, then I got sick. Something I have not divulged here. Plus I have a compressed disc in my lower back and carrying the baby to term might not even be possible. It literally could be life threatening and very destructive, or take a long time to recover for all of is, if I do...and I'm just not sure I can do it. I'm open to new medical options, I'm option to possibilities, and it's not a firm choice. As of now, it looks like it's not in my best medical interest to have a baby.
I think I would have sadnessness, and maybe regret, but I'm not sure there is anything I can do about it. If it wasn't such a severe situation, if I find out it changes and I'm in a position to have a child, I might. I am getting older which makes everything even more difficult. I am also leaving it up to the universe, but with me, I'm pretty resigned to the fact that it may be too dangerous for me and I just have to live with whatever pain that causes down the road. It's sad, but I can't do anything but accept it. I can't really speak to the adoption issue, I think you have to just let it work itself out....because it can't be about whether you pass on the bloodline really. It's gotta go deeper.
I'm tempted just to freak you out, but no, I saw the other post already. That's why I answered that way. :)
posted by
Temple
on April 9, 2005 at 1:31 AM
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Holy crap, Temple!!!
I swear, if you answered that last post before reading MY last post, I'm gonna freak out. Seriously. I just posted about me and you being kindred souls or something like that....and if you did, knowing all the shit I've encountered and seen in this weird-assed life of mine, well...shit. I'm actually gonna be a bit freaked out. And it takes A LOT to do that to me....
posted by
SpitFire70
on April 9, 2005 at 1:26 AM
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Because we're kindred baby....;)
You know the answer to this already. Stop trying to answer it in your head.
posted by
Temple
on April 9, 2005 at 1:21 AM
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Temple. I know about your injury and I know more about
you than you may remember, but let me ask ya this. Since you're not adopted, do you ever think you'll regret it if you don't have kids? I only ask out of curiosity cause, well, I'm not sure if I'm just being selfish cause I'm adopted and don't have anyone else in the world that I can look at and "know" that my flesh and blood or look at and say to myself, "Wow, we really do look alike." Non adopted people take that for granted and don't realize how cool that would be for adopted people to be able to do.
posted by
SpitFire70
on April 9, 2005 at 1:20 AM
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Damnit, Temple, I was doing great til your last two sentences!
Why do you do that to me???
posted by
SpitFire70
on April 9, 2005 at 1:16 AM
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I'm freaking out a little bit that you wrote this post...
I feel exactly the same way for the same reasons. I have an illness and an injury to my back that would make child bearing monumentally painful and possibly dangerous to myself and the child. Not to mention, the craziness and substance abuse in my family I don't want to pass along....and on the other side the rampant cancer. I can't stand the screaming and I'm not patient, but then people say I'm a natural with other people's kids. I could have made that list with a few substitutions, one being that I've never been pregnant, and I'm two years older. For me, however, having a child could be a serious threat to my health and it seems like all the men I meet have serious histories of substance abuse and/or mental illness in their families, too...it's different with you.
I think you are smart to think it through and the things you have thought about are good and responsible to think about. Mostly, I'm guessing your real fear is of another miscarriage. My friend Molly had seven miscarriages. Now she has SIX kids. Timing maybe? You would be the most fun and the most cool Mom, for sure. You can only control it if you decide to start using birth control, right? So, just have fun with your husband and have faith in the goddess and the universe and yourself. I do.
posted by
Temple
on April 9, 2005 at 1:10 AM
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JJ,
I hear what you're saying. Thank you.
But, I can't find it. Any of it. 
I have just put it all into God's hands now. I don't want to go through that loss again. I don't think I can handle that. I mean, yeah, I can, but I don't wanna.
posted by
SpitFire70
on April 9, 2005 at 12:52 AM
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Thanks so much for that, Jimmy.
I love you. (I know I'm cool to tell ya that without Temple gettin' pissed at me.
) The funny thing is, when I got pregnant before (in 2000) a really great friend of mine gave me a stuffed elephant and a card. In the card, she wrote, "You're not only gonna be a great mom, but a really COOL mom, too!" I cried when I read it. (Yeah, me, I had those weird salty liquid drips coming from my eyes. I wasn't quite sure what they were at the time.) But, you're right, Jimmy. What will be, will be. Thank you, my friend.
posted by
SpitFire70
on April 9, 2005 at 12:49 AM
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Thank you, sweet Reni. That helps and means a lot.
It's just my illness causes trouble. As I said before, I have been pregnant and lost due to miscarriage. I know many women do, but this is, well, already two strikes against me. I just say, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, ya know? Do I know? No. What?
posted by
SpitFire70
on April 9, 2005 at 12:45 AM
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Thanks, Ben. Sorry if I misled you...
I may be misleading myself, here. But, I don't know, really. I've got some screwed up blood disorder that, well, screws me up! Besides that, I am not sure what will come about.
posted by
SpitFire70
on April 9, 2005 at 12:41 AM
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Spits,
I don't think anyone can give you an objective answer to that question, so I won't give one at all. Think about it long and hard on your own. I can tell you right now what 95% of the people you ask will advise you, but you have to think it out for yourself.
Looking up all of the information you can find about any genetically based issues is probably most important. I have been too close to too many people with problems involving genetics, and for that reason I am happy that I never decided to have children. People invariably tell you, ''yes, but it was all worth it.'' I always wonder, when I hear that, where does reality end and self-delusion begin? No one will ever admit to having made a monumental mistake.
Am I saying no? No, I am saying that there is only one place you will find the answer: within yourself.
JJ
posted by
Jack_Flash
on April 9, 2005 at 12:22 AM
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Spitfire, trust me...
You'd be a great Mom, anyone that good with animals will be a good mom...and you are just odd enough to be a cool mom as well...but what will be will be...
posted by
jimmy68
on April 8, 2005 at 11:40 PM
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Sptifire--I know how you feel... When hubby and I got married the deal was
that we wouldn't have
any children--per me. Then in 1999 I had my daughter. Within two years I had two more. Know what? I probably will fack them up, but I love them , dammit. And I love watching how hubby adores them. Nothing better in the world. So, if you think you're gonna screw them up, then FYI--You're already thinking like 99% of the mother's out there! You've got the mindset down!
posted by
Renigade
on April 8, 2005 at 9:24 PM
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I thought this post was an announcement so I was going to congratulate you. This decision has got to be what you want too. Good luck.
Ben.
posted by
A-and-B
on April 8, 2005 at 9:04 PM
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Darrke, the last time I got pregnant, my dogs knew way before I did.
When I realized I was, I then understood why Stonci and Britt were more attached to my hips than usual.
posted by
SpitFire70
on April 8, 2005 at 7:01 PM
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With both of mine, I KNEW from the moment of conception. (At least, I thought I did...and look what happened.)
posted by
DarrkeThoughts
on April 8, 2005 at 6:41 PM
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Thanks Factor.
Um, that comment about already being pregnant...like, that's not some psychic feeling or something, is it?
Yikes.
posted by
SpitFire70
on April 8, 2005 at 6:36 PM
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Are you sure you aren't pregnant already?
That sure sounds like the emotional carrying on of one who is in that "Oh my God what were we thinking?" panic.
Everybody thinks they have screwed up if they actually care about their kids. If you can handle puppies, a baby is no problem. As for all of the other what ifs...well, what if the baby turns out to be the president, to bring world peace, to find the cure for your disease, etc. I had both of my kids knowing I had MS and might cause myself to become disabled.
I can understand the fear of a miscarriage. But it's like the lottery "you gotta be in it to win it."
Most of all you have to figure out what will make you happiest in the long run...
posted by
FactorFiction
on April 8, 2005 at 7:19 AM
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I'm sure it is, Darrke.
Thanks for sharing that.
posted by
SpitFire70
on April 7, 2005 at 8:31 PM
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No, Hollee, you were a help. Thank you!
posted by
SpitFire70
on April 7, 2005 at 8:30 PM
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I was 35 when Johnathan was born. It was hard. I spent about 3 or 4 months (at the end) mostly in bed. He had the immune-deficiency for the first couple years of his life. And the crying, and the pooping...and what we have now is worth it all.
posted by
DarrkeThoughts
on April 7, 2005 at 7:50 PM
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Spitfire - what an honest and insightful post dear. I never wanted children
and despite birth control had my first two within three years of marrying. Later on, after divorcing and remarrying again, I did want a child, and had Sam. I was a much better Mom to her--I was 29 when she was born as opposed to being 19 and 20 with the others. I still am not a motherish Mom though as I knew I wouldn't be--I never liked kids you see. But alas, I loved mine, and managed not to kill or scar them. I know, I'm no help, but there it is.
posted by
Hollee
on April 7, 2005 at 6:30 PM
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