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MiaElla,

Everyone has their own way of coping. I had wanted to take some pictures of my mother cascaded by flowers, not to hang up, but just to have. I did not because the family would not have understood.

posted by WHAMENATOR on February 9, 2005 at 5:06 AM | link to this | reply

MiaE,

As others have said, it is your mom's way of grieving. Though I don't believe there is anything wrong with taking pictures of a loved one in their casket if that is what someone wants to do. I believe it is a sort of "auto-pilot" that takes over and believes that they may want to view the deceased again when they are in a better state of mind. Once the loved one's physical body is buried, the survivors know they will never see them again as they did the day they buried him or her in this life...except in a photograph. I believe we all know we may never get over the death of a loved one, but we hold onto the belief that we will someday get through it. It may be then and with a few photographs that we can remember the day we said our final farewell within this life. Bare with Mom. She may just need this right now. I don't doubt that those particular photos will soon come down and the happy memories of him alive will replace them.

posted by SpitFire70 on February 8, 2005 at 10:44 PM | link to this | reply

MiaElla

Well luv, your head is screwed on right and I'm with you. Remember him as YOU want to.

posted by WileyJohn on February 8, 2005 at 8:48 PM | link to this | reply

MiaElla, I'm with you on this...I like to remember them how they were

when they were alive, not dead.

posted by Ariala on February 8, 2005 at 3:57 PM | link to this | reply

Dearest Mia,

I understand what you're going through. After my great-grandparents died, my uncle sent me a picture of their grave stones. It was unbearable for me to see them, so I tore them to shreds. Having said this, please try to be patient with your mom...People have their own specific ways of dealing with grief, and they too need the support of those around them. Even if you don't necessarily agree with the way she's dealing with the tragedy, try your best to help her in what ever ways you can.

You are in my thoughts and prayers...I know there is little comfort for you right now, but remember that your brother loves you still.

posted by lovelyladymonk on February 8, 2005 at 3:27 PM | link to this | reply

Somewhat like a death mask of a fallen hero. But where would you hang it but in a museum?

posted by the-loanlady on February 8, 2005 at 2:12 PM | link to this | reply

MiaElla - I have never understood anyone taking pictures at a funeral or of loved ones after they are gone. I have pictures everywhere of my loved ones who are gone, but they are pictures of them while they were alive, smiling, happy, enjoying life. It helps to remember the good times. I am afraid that your Mom has not yet dealt with the shock. Try to be sensitive to her needs but for yourself put up the happiest pictures you can find.

posted by TAPS. on February 8, 2005 at 2:09 PM | link to this | reply

MiaElla, this synchronicity thing is getting out of hand... :-)

posted by void-is on February 8, 2005 at 1:30 PM | link to this | reply

Void-is

My brother's name was Chris...my mom named him after Christ because he was a miracle baby. Good name.

posted by MiaElla on February 8, 2005 at 1:27 PM | link to this | reply

billy,

I think she wants to frame the pictures from the wreck too...

posted by MiaElla on February 8, 2005 at 1:21 PM | link to this | reply

MiaElla...just picked up on this thread...my thoughts are with you...Chris

posted by void-is on February 8, 2005 at 1:20 PM | link to this | reply

renigade3

Thanks ~~

posted by MiaElla on February 8, 2005 at 1:20 PM | link to this | reply

A lotof people take pictures at the funeral home but I've never

understood it. Maybe its one last attempt at having the person around...trying to act like its not final. Like you, I'd rather have the happy pictures.

posted by FreeManWalking on February 8, 2005 at 12:15 PM | link to this | reply

Soo hard. I guess we all grieve in our own way. Good luck.

posted by Renigade on February 8, 2005 at 8:38 AM | link to this | reply

You're right Mia....

When we die, the essence of who we are - our soul leaves our body. While most people take pictures of the dead these days, they don't usually hang them up for viewing.

posted by word.smith on February 8, 2005 at 8:27 AM | link to this | reply

MiaElla--I agree completely with you. I am sorry I saw my dad when he

died. I want to remember him as he was alive. --love Scriber

posted by scriber on February 8, 2005 at 8:02 AM | link to this | reply

It must be hard for all of you.

posted by poeticspoken on February 8, 2005 at 8:01 AM | link to this | reply

Mia ....

I also think it is your mom's way of grieving ... I know it is very hard ...

posted by Dark_Dreamer on February 8, 2005 at 7:55 AM | link to this | reply

ginnie

Yeah...we had such wonderful pictures of him at the funeral home...pictures from when he was a little boy...wearing those knee high socks with the blue and red stripes...haha.

That's just how I prefer to remember him. I hope my mom eventually takes the frame of him dead down.

posted by MiaElla on February 8, 2005 at 7:53 AM | link to this | reply

poeticspoken

The worse part is my brother got in a horrible car accident, broke his jaw, knocked loose his teeth, and had massive brain swelling....so even with make-up ...he didn't look like himself.

I'm sure he's rolling in his grave over this...he would want to be remembered as the handsome guy he was....

posted by MiaElla on February 8, 2005 at 7:52 AM | link to this | reply

Sorry..

...just read what I wrote again and it's meant to read that we put up photos of my sister at her funeral..everyone brought pictures to post at the funeral home..ones that brought special memories for everyone.

posted by ginnieb on February 8, 2005 at 7:48 AM | link to this | reply

Oh Mia..your Mom is really down deep...

...she's still in shock I'm sure and not thinking at all clearly. Yes..it's certainly the good memories..the brilliant times that must be held close. We plastered photos of my sister at her funeral and afterwards we had them spread all over the house. I'm so sorry for you Mia...that's a tough complication with your mother but hopefully it's temporary.

posted by ginnieb on February 8, 2005 at 7:46 AM | link to this | reply

It sounds a little too much and somewhat freaky but it might just be a way to processing their grief.

When my grandfather died my mother was devastated. It was hard enough being so far away from him for such a long time. Then her sisters sent us pictures of him in his casket and she opened the envelope and hid the pictures right away. She didn't even look at them. It freaked her out. I didn't quite understand why they would do that, but I tried not to let it get to me. I don't think my mom could ever get rid of theh photos, but she has never looked at them.

posted by poeticspoken on February 8, 2005 at 7:45 AM | link to this | reply

their are different ways of grieving

when my sister died...my step mum took photos of her when she was dead and also the whole funeral service and so on.....in time the photos were stored away and the ones of her happy ....were then put out....I think its there way of coping because...they cant handle the memories right now!

but with my brother...my real mum didnt take photos of him like that...she did want to remember him as he was.......so I guess there are many ways of dealing with it......try not to worry about it too much....I know it is so hurtful for you...but maybe take a personal photo for yourself...of his memory and keep it with you all times.....in time your mum can let go ...and let his memory live......