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mark2556,
That's good news. Commander-in-chief of torture therapy?
By the way, how many inmates received Valentine's flowers?
Ann.
posted by
A-and-B
on February 16, 2005 at 1:23 PM
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Profane humor lines? Name just one!
I really try to keep everything withing the boundries of the obscene.
While I was away I was officially promoted from Director to Commandant. No more of that embarrassing "Acting Commandant" nonsense. The patients are quite ecstatic over it. Or the new drug supply. Either way, it's a rose-colored world again here at the Research Center.
posted by
mark2556
on February 16, 2005 at 1:16 PM
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mark2556,
Glad to see the director back from his V. break. My partner meant to convey the message to nil the profane humor lines to avoid going the way of the Q.
Ann.
posted by
A-and-B
on February 16, 2005 at 1:10 PM
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Ben ~ I'd probably agree with you if I wasn't so confused.
posted by
mark2556
on February 16, 2005 at 1:04 PM
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mark,
I'm going easy on the humor banter, seeing gatecrashers may have serious objections. We can't even have any alliance without spoilers.
Ben.
posted by
A-and-B
on February 11, 2005 at 1:46 AM
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"Pulled Pork". I get it.
You funny guy. We kill you last.
posted by
mark2556
on February 10, 2005 at 6:12 AM
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Just pulling the pork chops on the lard reference.
posted by
A-and-B
on February 7, 2005 at 6:16 PM
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Ben ~ Obviously, you're not paying attention.
Anal-Eze is sheep-lard based. The formula is kept pretty hush-hush, but I'm told there are no pork products allowed in its ingredients, probably so it can receive its Kosher rating. Don't wanna exclude any hot Jewish mama's, y'know. Giddyup.
All references to lard in this post are, of course, swine based.
posted by
mark2556
on February 6, 2005 at 12:44 PM
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Has the lard from this barbecue got anything to do with the post on Anal-Eze from your other Lust blog?
Ben
posted by
A-and-B
on February 5, 2005 at 4:40 PM
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Nice collection of photos even in this comments section. Any leftover bacon for tomorrow's breakfast?
Ben.
posted by
A-and-B
on February 5, 2005 at 3:46 PM
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Damon ~ Magnifico!!!
posted by
mark2556
on February 5, 2005 at 9:02 AM
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David ~ thanks.
So long as I get some pork served by teens sluts or their mothers, it'll be a great birthday. And the mothers are at the pork store now.
Soft....tender....yeeeesssssssssssssssssssss.....
posted by
mark2556
on February 5, 2005 at 7:01 AM
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Happy Birthday...
...Mark!!!
Have a great day!
D
PS Scaramoosh, scaramoosh, won't you do the Fandango?
posted by
DamonLeigh
on February 5, 2005 at 6:51 AM
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Happy Birthday Mark!
Hope you have a great one!
posted by
David1Spirit
on February 5, 2005 at 6:47 AM
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Kay-Ren and Ariala ~ Thank you!
The big day is tomorrow. And I'm sure
one of these tiny tarts will make my dream come true. Or some kind of mess, at least.
posted by
mark2556
on February 4, 2005 at 10:18 AM
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Mark, it's your birthday??? HAPPY BIRTHDAY...May your midget dreams
come true!
posted by
Ariala
on February 4, 2005 at 7:37 AM
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Happy Birthday!!!!
posted by
Kay-Ren
on February 4, 2005 at 7:24 AM
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Leave it to a swine to write the best pig story ever!
posted by
Renigade
on February 3, 2005 at 8:51 PM
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Mark2556, That was too funny. I got to me some of that there Hellfired and Demon roasted pork, these God-given fangs are just chomping at the bit for roasted lard. yum.
posted by
Blanche.
on February 3, 2005 at 8:45 PM
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I sure hope you
poked the pig before you put it on a poke.
posted by
qwertyui
on February 3, 2005 at 6:57 PM
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Roast Puxatawney Phil with a side of dressing. Yummy!
posted by
msaries
on February 3, 2005 at 4:33 PM
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Damon ~ Dip YOU in honey??
You're too sweet as it is, you man-minx! Woof!
posted by
mark2556
on February 3, 2005 at 5:58 AM
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Passion ~ Security Sergeant Bob didn't offer to show you the...
...holding cell, did he? 'Cause that's getting really old.
posted by
mark2556
on February 3, 2005 at 5:47 AM
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No! Me!...
...Me! Me! Dip ME in honey and throw me to the secretaries!!
Or something.
D
posted by
DamonLeigh
on February 3, 2005 at 1:03 AM
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You have a pretty snazzy executive secretary
You should turn her on to the honey and the bear licking thing. I have a spare bear costume. She will never know what hit her.
posted by
Sherri_G
on February 2, 2005 at 8:01 PM
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Had a few beers with Security Sergeant Bob the other day!
He's got some good stories!
posted by
Passionflower
on February 2, 2005 at 7:34 PM
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Good point.
A bad reputation could ruin us.
posted by
mark2556
on February 2, 2005 at 6:31 PM
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Batteries were excluded as part of safety precautions. Any leakage would be potently embarassing.
Ann.
posted by
A-and-B
on February 2, 2005 at 6:14 PM
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Oh, we have toys...they're primarily gel-filled.
Or require several 'D' size batteries, which are never included.
posted by
mark2556
on February 2, 2005 at 6:10 PM
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Maybe you can patent your version. I meant using soft plush toys to replace human-dependent addictions and leather. Of course, the old accessories can be made to adorn Mr or Ms Teddy...
Ann.
posted by
A-and-B
on February 2, 2005 at 6:08 PM
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Teddy bear therapy?
Does it involve women creeping into my room late at night, clad in sheer nightgowns and telling they'll let me have my Teddy Bear if I make Mommy happy? If it does, then no.
posted by
mark2556
on February 2, 2005 at 6:04 PM
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Scriber ~ You bet. And corn-fed, too. Just like the women.
I mean patients.
posted by
mark2556
on February 2, 2005 at 6:02 PM
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She looks great. I suppose she got the job based on her looks! Does your Center use the Teddy bear therapy?
Ann.
posted by
A-and-B
on February 2, 2005 at 6:00 PM
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Hot and crispy hocks...
posted by
scriber
on February 2, 2005 at 5:45 PM
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She's my Executive Secretary.
Naturally, as a professional I can't discuss her medical history of sex addiction and leather-worship.
posted by
mark2556
on February 2, 2005 at 5:43 PM
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mark2556,
Is the bare ass lady in the photo your model / P.R. officer / patient / former patient or ?
Ann
posted by
A-and-B
on February 2, 2005 at 5:31 PM
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Quakes happen all the time ~
..but fortunately, our custodial staff is trained for emergency containment and spill control. Which pretty much dispels the notion that former patients can't find meaningful employment.
posted by
mark2556
on February 2, 2005 at 5:20 PM
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Dr Mark,
Too bad those aerobic dance instructors can't teach out in the open. Your center grounds may suffer a minor quake.
Ann.
posted by
A-and-B
on February 2, 2005 at 5:14 PM
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Ann, yes. It's all part of our Internal Organ Aerobic Fitness program.
No pain, no gain, after all.
posted by
mark2556
on February 2, 2005 at 4:58 PM
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Dr. Mark,
Too much meat works the liver & kidneys hard. Rare cuts may contain bacteria!
Ann.
posted by
A-and-B
on February 2, 2005 at 4:56 PM
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Veggies? You mean that green stuff PETA keeps pushing?
We don't serve that here. Only meat, and only cooked when the State forces us to.
posted by
mark2556
on February 2, 2005 at 4:02 PM
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How does the Center's veggie plot grow with recycled water?
Ann.
posted by
A-and-B
on February 2, 2005 at 3:56 PM
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Ann ~ Yes, for quite some time now.
It's called Yoo-Hoo.
posted by
mark2556
on February 2, 2005 at 3:49 PM
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mark2556,
Cool. Natural mineral salts spa!!! Is it being bottled and sold commercially too?
Ann
posted by
A-and-B
on February 2, 2005 at 3:45 PM
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Ann ~ Nothing goes to waste here at the Center.
The 'sewage' is recycled and used in our
Tropical Rain Forest Experience at the Health & Day Spa. It's the closest we could come to acid rain.
posted by
mark2556
on February 2, 2005 at 3:41 PM
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Damon ~ Yes. I keep coming here every time I stop to throw up.
Isn't it, like, tomorrow there?
posted by
mark2556
on February 2, 2005 at 3:38 PM
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Mark...
...aren't you meant to be...y'know...busy??
You remember - scaramoosh, scaramoosh and all that??
D
posted by
DamonLeigh
on February 2, 2005 at 3:36 PM
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Director Mark,
Save water. Pump from the sewage. Just kidding.
Ann.
posted by
A-and-B
on February 2, 2005 at 2:27 PM
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stay away , all the gilbert grapes in mississippi, just stay away..
posted by
Kiddo75
on February 2, 2005 at 1:44 PM
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Devil ~ Excellent idea. Please drive carefully.
You're a menace on the highway.
posted by
mark2556
on February 2, 2005 at 1:42 PM
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That does it! I am going right now to the BBQ place up the street..
I think after the day I've had, I deserve to eat some piggy. I love me some bbq!
posted by
Kiddo75
on February 2, 2005 at 1:40 PM
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Chris ~ God DAMN, that's sexy!!
Oinky-oink, baby!!!
posted by
mark2556
on February 2, 2005 at 1:08 PM
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mark
I too think people are entitled to chew on the meat of a pig. If we didn't eat them you can bet your strange arse they'll be eating us. Of course, as well as a handy snack they also serve other purposes...purposes no human could ever satisfy...
posted by
chris2303
on February 2, 2005 at 12:21 PM
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Ariala ~ That's the spirit.
I always knew porky people were jolly.
posted by
mark2556
on February 2, 2005 at 11:31 AM
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Mark, thank you, your confidence in me has meant a lot. I even wrote this
book just now...I just hope I can digest that plastic pork before I go on my book tour.
posted by
Ariala
on February 2, 2005 at 11:03 AM
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edge
posted by
ladyofshalott
on February 2, 2005 at 11:03 AM
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phew...I was on the dge of my seat the whole time reading that
posted by
ladyofshalott
on February 2, 2005 at 11:03 AM
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Ariala ~ Don't get down on yourself.
You're not bloated.
posted by
mark2556
on February 2, 2005 at 10:54 AM
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Mark, no thanks...after the pig blew up, I accidently swallowed
a third of the plastic pork and now feel a bit bloated and like a lard ass.
posted by
Ariala
on February 2, 2005 at 10:52 AM
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Ariala ~ I feel your pain.
You're a victim. Have a pulled-pork sandwich, on the house.
posted by
mark2556
on February 2, 2005 at 10:51 AM
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I bet they didn't tell you I was inside the inflatable pig blowing in the
wind! It was horrible! Have you ever been inside one of those things? I feel so unclean...
posted by
Ariala
on February 2, 2005 at 10:49 AM
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