Go to I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM
- Add a comment
- Go to SNAPSHOT OF A TORTURED SOUL............................................
jacenta, thank you very much for your comment.
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2005 at 9:29 PM
| link to this | reply
So wish I could help you feel better!
Will a smile make you smile?
Often, I get this sad feeling that tries to overwhelm me, every since I was a little girl. I now ask myself, "what is really bothering you?" At times, I can't even put my finger on it. Then , I listen to my inner voice, remember Grandma, and Mom? Both, would be sad often. I have to consciously tell myself that being depressed is innate, a part of my genetic makeup that I believe honestly I am pre-disposed to suffer. So, I fight it, because although I have things going on that surely can cause saddess, I consciously chose to think of things that make me happy. I write this in true kindness. I am being very honest.
posted by
jacentaOld
on January 18, 2005 at 7:15 PM
| link to this | reply
Ariala, thanks, I appreciate your words of kindness and hope.
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2005 at 6:48 PM
| link to this | reply
Wiley, you're very sweet as always. Thanks for all that.
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2005 at 6:47 PM
| link to this | reply
Merry, I do see it, thanks.
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2005 at 6:43 PM
| link to this | reply
thank you Gypsy.
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2005 at 6:42 PM
| link to this | reply
Wilds, appearances can be so deceiving...those who appear to have perfect lives are often skilled at hiding hideous truths.
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2005 at 6:41 PM
| link to this | reply
Alf, thanks for commenting. I'm not sure I know what you mean by a new perspective.
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2005 at 6:40 PM
| link to this | reply
katray, thank you for sharing that with me.
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2005 at 6:40 PM
| link to this | reply
Quirky, the veil of dark shadows will soon part and you will feel the
light once more. I promise. Hang on to that hope. Soon you will see a glimmer, then a glimpse, and then the warmth, beauty and comfort of love, light, hope and new joys will emerge and you will be at peace once again. I just know it.
posted by
Ariala
on January 18, 2005 at 3:51 PM
| link to this | reply
Quirky
My 
goes out to you.
Of course, just your writing about it is finding the courage to reach inside yourself and pull yourself up.
There is another side to that darkness. I have spent five years now falling into that pit, and crawling back out again.
Consider for now this one idea. We are connecting here as we blog. All of us.
Many people that quit here, don't understand their contribution to humanity, just here.
There are so many of us that truly care for and about you my dear girl, and about each other.
"But since human beings are inherently compassionate, compassion in them can be awakened and generated; whatever their age and however horrendous their past experiences have been." Theodore Isaac Rubin."
Bon courage, we love you X 100?
posted by
WileyJohn
on January 18, 2005 at 12:00 PM
| link to this | reply
ginnieb, thanks. Yes, writing--the act of getting the thoughts out--does help.
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2005 at 11:36 AM
| link to this | reply
Kelli, point well taken.
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2005 at 11:35 AM
| link to this | reply
beachbelle, yes, to stop praying would be to give up all hope. I'm not ready to do that.
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2005 at 11:34 AM
| link to this | reply
Exstud, thanks. You describe it well also.
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2005 at 11:34 AM
| link to this | reply
Ca88, thank you for your thoughts, I am sure they will help.
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2005 at 11:33 AM
| link to this | reply
Whamenator, No, I don't have anything I can take-- I resist that, not sure why.
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2005 at 11:32 AM
| link to this | reply
My Mom once told me,
that those who are the strongest are often given the hardest challenges. I know that you are strong, and I know that you can get through this. I suffered for a long time myself. If you look really hard, you will see the tiny spark of light, keep moving toward it my friend.
posted by
MerryAnne
on January 18, 2005 at 7:54 AM
| link to this | reply
Quirky One..
Have you ever heard the song by Garth Brooks "Unanswered Prayer"? Basically he thanks god for unanswered prayers. Because what we think we want at the time, may not turn out to be the best for us in the long run. Try to look at it as that. I hope you feel stronger and more secure soon.
posted by
RedHeadedGypsy
on January 18, 2005 at 7:02 AM
| link to this | reply
Quirks
From where I'm sitting you have a wonderful life. You're a strong beautiful and capable woman. You have a wonderful career of your making. Perhaps it's a matter of changing your perspective? I'm not offering any simplistic advice, but hope that you see the sunshine soon! Love, Wilds
posted by
Wildwoman_Laloba
on January 18, 2005 at 6:57 AM
| link to this | reply
Quirky...
I have never had depression, I can't begin to understand what it is exactly you are going through, but from your description it sounds perfectly awful. Today was one of the worst for me in a very long time, everything that could possibly go wrong, did. I was not happy about it, but I was not really sad about it either...just life I figured. Reading your post gave me an entirely new perspective on my own situation. I sincerely hope you feel better soon.
posted by
A_Norseman
on January 17, 2005 at 8:45 PM
| link to this | reply
Oh dear Quirky, I know how this feels. You are such a wonderful, gifted person in so many ways; I am really saddened to read this. All I can do is offer my own experiences. I've always been one to shun much of the medical and drug treatments for depression, finding that I could, in reasonable time, pull myself out. (with deep prayer and mediation, friends to talk to and simply keeping busier physically) But there came a time when I couldn't do it on my own and in desperation, I went to the doctor. And took Prozac for a year. It worked a miracle for me. Four years down the road now and although I do experience mild bouts of depression, I continue to pull myself out before I get too buried. But, if needed, I would turn to my doctor again for help. My story. Take care friend, hugs and more prayers sent.
posted by
Katray2
on January 17, 2005 at 8:34 PM
| link to this | reply
Your words are amazing...
...does writing down these feelings help you at all? There is power in words...strength..and I'll be rooting for you to find this strength.
posted by
ginnieb
on January 17, 2005 at 8:18 PM
| link to this | reply
Quirky, unanswered YET.
posted by
Kelli
on January 17, 2005 at 7:56 PM
| link to this | reply
QuirkyAlone
Never quit thinking of new prayers and hopes. That is the only way because it is normal that most are unanswered
posted by
beachbelle
on January 17, 2005 at 7:51 PM
| link to this | reply
My thoughts and prayers are with you too, as a fellow sufferer of what Churchill called his "black dog" of depression. It is not the same for everyone; some may be able to think their way out of it through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or the like. For me, I need an outside stimulant. I finally found a medication that works -- Provigil, in combination with another med I was already taking, Effexor. The difference is amazing. I feel so good I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. There are so many things that appeal to me when I'm not depressed; when I am depressed, almost nothing appeals to me. You describe depression very well; best wishes for coming out of the hole.
posted by
Dyl_Pickle
on January 17, 2005 at 7:36 PM
| link to this | reply
Quirky, this is too sad for words, yet you found the words to describe your pain. You have talent, you are observant, you've been here before. Each step we take forward should be based on the lessons from previous steps. Its not easy, but nothing worthwhile is. I'll be thinking of you.
posted by
Ca88andra
on January 17, 2005 at 7:25 PM
| link to this | reply
Quirky,
I know that dreadful Black Hole. Depression truly sucks.
If you have meds, have you been taking them? Sometimes when I start to fall, I just seem to stop taking the medication, and the medication helps so much.
Hang in there!
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on January 17, 2005 at 7:24 PM
| link to this | reply