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Dear Cynthia, yes.... because I look beyond lands' and peoples' struggles and try to accept and respect only the beauty of it. Sounds silly but..... it worked for me over the years!
posted by
Voyager9940
on January 12, 2005 at 3:19 AM
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Voyager, so there are still
some folks out there who can say they love the USA?
posted by
Cynthia
on January 12, 2005 at 3:11 AM
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Cynthia: Absolutely, and it shows, too.
posted by
chris2303
on January 12, 2005 at 3:09 AM
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fw, now that's a scene I can relate to.
posted by
Cynthia
on January 12, 2005 at 3:09 AM
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Chris, the more painful the childhood
the more interesting the person.
posted by
Cynthia
on January 12, 2005 at 3:08 AM
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Tweedhead, an insiteful comment
thanks
posted by
Cynthia
on January 12, 2005 at 3:05 AM
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Parental abuse was not a phrase used in the time and culture where I was born. It was a traumatic experience as a new parent in another age and culture to be exposed to a different form of disciplining children. Love as opposed to fear as the tool for instilling good manners and right conduct. Egalitarian as opposed to authoritarian. Empathy as opposed to repression.
" My Children, " says Kahlil Gibran, "are not my Children.....they are the sons and daughters of life longing for itself....I can give them my love but not my thoughts...house their bodies but not their souls.....Life does not go backwards nor does it tarry with yesterday"
posted by
tweedhead
on January 11, 2005 at 10:54 AM
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Cynthia
I suppose Christians have only ever used fear as a method for keeping discipline, and it's probable they're too stupid to realise it doesn't work.
Your story reminded me of my own child years, although I didn't suffer with any beatings like you did. What I did get was near constant verbal and mental abuse off the old man. But it turned me into a sneaky kid after having to wise up to the parents. My friends were always impressed at how thorough I was when "covering tracks" for various things.
Oh good times, good post.
posted by
chris2303
on January 11, 2005 at 10:37 AM
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My mother beat me with a flyswatter ...
the more I laughed the harder she swung.
I am against beating children. I'm all for beating adults.
posted by
fwmystic
on January 11, 2005 at 8:21 AM
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My dear Cynthia.... you haven't missed too much. Ireland, the UK, Italy, Spain, Portugal, Scandinavia and Austria are far more worth visiting. For me, I love Australia, Peru and the USA.
Take care!!
posted by
Voyager9940
on January 11, 2005 at 5:12 AM
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Voyager, Hi, just checked
your profile and see you are Belgian. I lived in Europe for a few years, traveled a lot, but never made it to
your neck of the woods.
posted by
Cynthia
on January 11, 2005 at 5:08 AM
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Original, sounds like a
pretty fearful environment unless you had a lot of brothers and sisters to hide behind.
posted by
Cynthia
on January 11, 2005 at 5:05 AM
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Rather scary stuff Cynthia, .....nice article!
Voyager9940
posted by
Voyager9940
on January 11, 2005 at 4:47 AM
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Cynthia,
At my house, we had spanking by hand, whipping with the army strap and beating with a wooden spoon. I can't complain though because my cousins got stuck with granny's old cat-o-nine-tails and I am ever so grateful for being spared that!
posted by
Original_Influence
on January 11, 2005 at 4:32 AM
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Talion, you were one of the lucky ones.
If the spanking as you describe was theater, and had a touch of humor in it, and it never hurt as you said
that is quite another thing. Your parents were probably clever enough to avoid doing any real damage.
The parents I talk about in this post, who buy this ROD thing for $5, do not have theater in mind.
posted by
Cynthia
on January 11, 2005 at 4:17 AM
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kingmi, I can think of a lot
of negative reinforcement that never comes close to striking someone. To me, spanking is a crude response to bad behavior.
posted by
Cynthia
on January 11, 2005 at 4:13 AM
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ginnieb, that sums it up for me too.
posted by
Cynthia
on January 11, 2005 at 4:11 AM
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Cynthia...
...I too am revolted by the idea of physically hurting a child. It sickens me that anyone could do or would want to do hurt a child in the name of child rearing. It has been proven over and over again to be an ineffective method of effectively correcting behaviour, only creating a child you so very well describe. I have three children who were never, ever hit and they are all well-adjusted, responsible adults and I am damn proud that I never resorted to such crude, inhumane measures to 'discipline'...I hate that very word. I will never be convinced that striking a child is ever called for and I worked in social work for years and saw the ramifications of children who were hit/beaten/spanked...lifting a hand to a child at all is just plain wrong.
posted by
ginnieb
on January 10, 2005 at 10:54 PM
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Cynthia, The Ed. Psyche text concludes that the best most powerful
motivator known to mankind is positive reinforcement, which does not work unless incorporated into a field of negative reinforcement. Both!
posted by
kingmi
on January 10, 2005 at 9:19 PM
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Cynthia
I don't consider myself a survivor because there wasn't much to "survive." To be honest, the spankings didn't really hurt, were more theatrical than traumatic. My relationship with my folks is great. I couldn't ask for a better one. I don't have any children of my own, though.
posted by
Talion
on January 10, 2005 at 9:07 PM
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Talion I'm glad you are a survivor.
How's your relationship with your parents and your children today?
posted by
Cynthia
on January 10, 2005 at 8:46 PM
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poetichoneydew, who says
what qualifies as a "beating" or a "spanking". That whole discussion sickens me. The point is my mother wasn't "abusive" by the standards of the day. I was never taken to the hospital with broken bones. You will never, ever convince me that your position is correct.
posted by
Cynthia
on January 10, 2005 at 8:44 PM
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The spankings I recieved as a child were few and far between. It's wasn't about discipline, punishment for typical children's misbehavior, or proving who's boss, but to show me what would happen when I did dumb stuff. That's the only times I got them, when I did truly dumb stuff that didn't make any sense. It worked. When I stopped doing dumb stuff, the spankings stopped.
posted by
Talion
on January 10, 2005 at 6:54 PM
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I don't think that editormum condones beatings
Spankings are not beatings. It makes a point, and should only be used to make an important point. Not all children who got slapped on the behind a few times hates their parents, or even have reasons to. I'm sorry you're mother was abusive.
posted by
PoeticHoneyDew
on January 10, 2005 at 5:42 PM
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