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Isaiah, that was a super good and useful comment.
posted by
Cynthia
on January 10, 2005 at 4:07 PM
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Condolences
So sorry to hear about the illness of your close friend and colleague. He sounds like a truly remarkable person.
I always go back to what my rabbi said when I faced the seemingly pointless, vastly premature death of my mother. I asked him what was the point of this beautiful and gentle woman's death. What could be the meaning? He said that it had no meaning in itself, that I had to find a way to GIVE her death meaning -- and thereby give her life itself meaning beyond her death. This is what is meant by "the memory of the righteous is a blessing." Having those deceased live on in some way significant to you and others is the way to infuse their passing with meaning. So I do this in actions and gestures that sustain what I felt her life was all about, things that she worked for and felt were important: I give memorial contributions every year to NOW in her name (she was a feminist), and I collect art, even though I am by no means wealthy (because she believed in supporting contemporary artists -- and felt that if the middle class did this, artistis could make a viable living). I suppose my involvement in education itself is a dedication of sorts to her, committed as she was the the full development of children.
So, I guess your challenge would be to make meaning of your friend's impending death -- perhaps you could document his journey in film to teach others about coping with dying or the ravages of cancer... or whatever makes sense given what his life has ESSENTIALLY come to mean... There may be other vehicles for infusing meaning in his dying -- an archive of his work, a Festschrift by friends, a biography you help to write (it sounds like his family history provide ample material)...
posted by
Isaiah_in_a_Rage
on January 10, 2005 at 12:53 PM
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fw, that's very perceptive of you
he's on his fourth wife and she's a strange one. Totally unsympathetic. You could be right. It's one of my fears.
posted by
Cynthia
on January 9, 2005 at 1:24 PM
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Wildwoman, thanks for your faith
in me.
posted by
Cynthia
on January 9, 2005 at 1:22 PM
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I'm bummed for you
I hope the rest of his family doesn't see this venture as a complete waste of time and money.
posted by
fwmystic
on January 8, 2005 at 6:03 PM
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Cynthia
my sympathy is extended.
You're a dynamic woman....no doubt you'll find the strength to do what's required of you.
posted by
Wildwoman_Laloba
on January 8, 2005 at 10:35 AM
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tweedhead, thanks for having
the faith in me, right now I wish I had that courage.
posted by
Cynthia
on January 8, 2005 at 7:23 AM
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beachbelle, maybe that's what
scares me a little too. He was always the heart of the company. I just made the mechanics work.
posted by
Cynthia
on January 8, 2005 at 7:21 AM
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Ca88, it's funny how death
seems to put everything into perspective.
posted by
Cynthia
on January 8, 2005 at 7:18 AM
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telynor, by saying that you
have helped.
posted by
Cynthia
on January 8, 2005 at 7:16 AM
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You will find the wisdom and the courage to do what has to be done.
posted by
tweedhead
on January 8, 2005 at 1:25 AM
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Cynthia
I am very sorry to hear this. I do understand - it is a huge shock. I remember when my father had the same news in his mid-forties. Amid the shock, with our help, he made sure that his affairs were in order.
Given that your friend and colleague has counted on you over all these years it sounds like you need to be prepared to do what needs to be done. It must of great comfort for him to have you.
posted by
beachbelle
on January 8, 2005 at 1:20 AM
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Cynthia - I don't know what to say, everything seems so shallow compared to what you must be going through.
posted by
Ca88andra
on January 8, 2005 at 12:54 AM
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Aw hell. I wish I could say something useful here. It sucks and it hurts, and I wish I could do something about it.
posted by
telynor
on January 8, 2005 at 12:06 AM
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