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WHAMENATOR
thanks for all your wonderful words
posted by
_Symphony_
on December 8, 2004 at 10:14 AM
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Often, time heals wounds, and the people who want to grow....Good Luck!
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on December 8, 2004 at 10:10 AM
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Deverdoodle and David
I will write whatever I want to write.....if blogit staff don't like it then they can tell me themselves.!...my subcription my right!
posted by
_Symphony_
on December 8, 2004 at 10:08 AM
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thank you ever so much for all your kind comments and for sharing
your lifes with me.....I am not going to talk to her again....I am better off without her...I will still stay in contact with my nieces... they are older...so they can still visit me....but gosh no more taking her crap....
thank you so much 
posted by
_Symphony_
on December 8, 2004 at 10:06 AM
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We often allow relatives to get away with crap that we wouldn't normally allow. You gotta be loving but firm.
posted by
Passionflower
on December 7, 2004 at 9:48 PM
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Symphony,
"We can't control people, only our reaction to them.", but you don't have to put up with them, either. I think it's perfectly legitimate to cut someone who is that toxic out of your life. You've told her why, she can't respect that, then fine, so be it. Words are incredibly powerful forces, if you let someone treat you with that kind of contempt and disrespect, it'll eat you alive. That's my two cents.
posted by
Blanche.
on December 7, 2004 at 1:09 PM
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I was just wondering about Symphony's post too...
And wondered how come Klara didn't jump on the B*** word there, in caps I might add!
posted by
Deverdoodle
on December 7, 2004 at 1:07 PM
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Symphony
Just a warning kiddo; be careful with the use of the b**** word. I got slammed by some bloggers who obviously took it out of context. Hope they don't go anywhere near you, cuz then I would be really peed off! 
posted by
David1Spirit
on December 7, 2004 at 1:05 PM
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Its the bad effects of the adage
"blood is thicker than water".
Ben
posted by
A-and-B
on December 7, 2004 at 1:02 PM
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I think that we all have familey - who behaves like that
She's behaving that way for a reason - it does not mean that you have to play the game with her. For you're piece of mind - eliminate her from things that you do - places that you go. If she shows up and attempts to irritate you. Smile pertty and say - Good to see you sister dear. Let's discuss this some other time. Then walk away and busy your self with someone or something else . If anyone is to make a spectial of them selves let it be her.
posted by
jamryn
on December 7, 2004 at 7:43 AM
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Boundaries ...
It sounds like your sister has crossed a boundary. Yes, you're angry. Yes, you've said some things back and forth that probably weren't so nice. After you've had time to calm down, you'll need to set some ground rules with your sister. "Retreating" to punish her by not allowing her contact with you isn't going to help the issue. Sure, you won't be talking to her, but the problem won't get resolved without some communication.
My husband's parents angered him when they refused to lend him some money that he really needed and they could easily afford. He didn't speak to them for 6 months. Unfortunately, he punished himself more than he punished them, because he "held on" to that anger until he finally talked to them again. They were surprised to find out why he hadn't called. They figured he was just busy. He spent months thinking "Hah, serve them right, won't talk to them now that they've done me wrong", and they were unaware that they had crossed a boundary of respect until he came out and said so.
My father has crossed boundaries without realizing it. My husband is a large man, tall and wide. My father used to make "fat jokes" in my husband's presence, which royally pissed him off every time. I didn't always "hear" the comment the way he did, and he would get angry at me for not jumping to his defense. After this went on for a few family events, I finally told my husband he better call and have it out with my father without sticking me in between. I was tired of hearing the "he does this and that and.." conversation when it could be easily dealt with if he just *told* my father what he didn't like hearing.. now we don't hear any more "fat jokes" at family events.
posted by
endomagazine
on December 7, 2004 at 6:42 AM
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Ahahahaha!
I'm reading a book, again, by Pema Chodron called Start Where You Are. In it she talks about keeping people that push your buttons close to you because it brings up the exact stuff you can then zero in on and clear out of you. When it's all cleared out, no matter what your sister says you won't be bothered anymore.
That's kinda cool.
Very very difficult! But cool.
posted by
Oceandancer
on December 7, 2004 at 5:40 AM
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Symphony.,..
I wanted to add that you should not let you get so upset...realize that is the way she is and will be...don't expect anything different and maybe it will get easier.
posted by
Original_Influence
on December 7, 2004 at 4:23 AM
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Maxine, trust me on this....family dynamics abound!!!!!!!!
That is one thing I have learned from the Job!
My family, while I honored Mom by doing my best and succeeding pretty much in gluing us back together, I can only handle them in small doses!
I love them, and they love me (that is Dad and Brother) but it is really difficult for me to be around them, and when I sit back on my heels, I see that they really do need me which is both nice, and a pretty large burden on my shoulders that I never asked for!
Let me put on my Superhero cape and see what they want now!
Oh, Dad does not want anything, except Dad is Dad, which is negative and grumbling and domineering and attaches energies to his person that I do not like to incorporate into my world.
My brother is just pretty much largely a mooch and a fuck-up.
I need to be there more for my niece and nephew, to teach them positivity, self-love, and self-reliance, (and to let them know that I am always here for them!) Someday, the kids will understand that the reason I stay away on the edges so much is because of the men's negative energy (which I refuse to let corrupt my sense of Peace!), and which is probably why they like it so much when I show up and kidnap them.
They love their Dad, but they are getting old enough to recognize that there is something wrong with the dynamic there! Sometimes I feel guilty that I take the road to self-preservation thru absence over immersing myself into the family dynamics so that I can spend time with the kids.
And I will miss Dad when he is gone, but all he does is gripe about everything!
I know I am not the only one with a F*CKED family though. If nothing else, that is one thing the Job has taught me: WE ARE ALL PRETTY F*CKED UP, and if you have a normal family, you are the exception and not the rule!
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on December 7, 2004 at 1:40 AM
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Symphony,
Choose to ignore because there are definitely some very unreasonable people out there- I think they were born with a stick up their...
posted by
Original_Influence
on December 6, 2004 at 7:13 PM
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I think Divine hit it right on the head.
You are a good person and you have so many great qualities. Your sister is a dud. Please don't let it affect your relationship with your niece though.
posted by
sarooster
on December 6, 2004 at 6:15 PM
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People need to be accountable
Symph,
I coped with a sister who was a total bitch from the time she drew a breath. Everyone put up with her bad behaviour (enabled it most likely) until the day that she crossed the line and behaved so badly at our parent's 50th anniversary party that I said "ENOUGH".
I haven't spoken to her since but have let her know (through her children) she is welcome back into the family when she apologizes for her behaviour. She has chosen to not do that. She says she "can't:"
So there she is, a woman of 52, who's husband left her, her children tolerate her at best, and her parents and siblings see nothing of her. A pitiful life from my view.
My advice ? tell you sister you WON'T tolerate her crap, and go on with what you know to be good, treat your niece well, and to hell with the cow that is her mother !!
Trust your instincts Symph, you are a great person, don't let the crap pull you down !
posted by
DivineDiva
on December 6, 2004 at 5:56 PM
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If she is this old and still doesnt know right from wrong and you are way younger and can recognize the difference between right and wrong, then its her who needs to open her eyes..... there shouldnt be this type of behaviour between sisters, especially coming from her.... she cant tell you that you are taking your neice for granted.... sisters should offer to send their daughters over to babysit as a favor for their aunt, and aunts should give them some money as a token of appreciation...
My mom has 4 sisters and never have i seen such a loving bond between sisters before... ive learned so much from them, and alot of what i said, i speak of from person experience....
I hope things are worked out between yourself and your sister.... 
posted by
Tanoolicious
on December 6, 2004 at 3:03 PM
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