Go to Jill's Opinions
- Add a comment
- Go to MONEY ISN’T EVERYTHING
CHRIS, WHERE ARE YOU??? LET US KNOW YOU ARE STILL ALIVE!!!!!!!
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on December 26, 2004 at 1:43 PM
| link to this | reply
Nothing From Chris...
...since december 6th.
Perhaps his girlfriend got to read this post by accident, and she's eaten him. Or buried him in the garden, with just his ass sticking out the ground, so she has somewhere to park her bike.
LOVE the bill gates quote, BTW! Is that true?
D
posted by
DamonLeigh
on December 17, 2004 at 7:49 AM
| link to this | reply
Hi chris... I haven't read the other comments, but
I think this is so honest and how a LOT of people feel... just scared to admit it. I hope it helped to type it "out loud", I can't offer any advice or criticism or even any witticism, but I wanted to let you know I read this, and sicne I read suomynona's comment, and your comment to her... I'd add that "LOL" hardly fits here. Expect one on a later post though, I tend to drop them like flies.
posted by
IsSanityNear
on December 10, 2004 at 2:58 PM
| link to this | reply
Life is like a crap sandwich ...
the more bread you have, the less crap you have to eat.
-- Bill Gates
posted by
fwmystic
on December 10, 2004 at 1:31 PM
| link to this | reply
Chris2303 You are choosing to stay. You need to take more steps to choose to stay. Seek counseling. The exercising together is a good tip. Talk about sexual things she wants to try and start making the time for dates to explore. You have to actively be happy, meaning enjoy your son and find, nourish , and encourage some good things in the girlfriend. Money has nothing to do with happiness you are right, but happiness does not just fall down from the sky
posted by
the-loanlady
on December 7, 2004 at 1:57 PM
| link to this | reply
Can't buy happiness in the form of a hyperactive nymphomaniac who is familiar with the term ‘girl on top’? Rubbish! Two words, amigo: Las Vegas. You can buy several of them there, and for the entire weekend, or until you throw up from exhaustion, whichever happens first. And they're listed in the phone book, too! Wheeeee!
posted by
mark2556
on December 7, 2004 at 10:20 AM
| link to this | reply
Chris,
I kept reading and reading, expecting at any moment to be thrust into the punch line, and I even had to read the comments to know that you weren't joking. (that's what you get for always being such a kidder)...Then I read it again. It makes me sad to think you really are living this way. My quirky heart goes out to ya.
posted by
Julia.
on December 6, 2004 at 3:24 PM
| link to this | reply
Chris:
I commend your dedication to your son. Don't see much of that around these days.
I feel bad about your relationship though. Despite the fact that I love my hubby, I sometimes wonder if there isn't something better out there (or at least different). I think we all do.
But it's safe here. It's familiar. Rut good, change bad...
You feel you don't deserve anything better so maybe you could try to improve your current circumstances? Get BOTH of you a membership (with all that money) to some gym and take her to work out with you! Working out together might bring you closer and won't make her feel like you are singling her out too much for being over-weight. That should take care of the "fat" part. Then (also with all that money) buy a Kama Sutra video (or one of these books) and give her some lessons...
posted by
koriani
on December 6, 2004 at 6:32 AM
| link to this | reply
Hope you feel better
regardless of the money.
Ann
posted by
A-and-B
on December 6, 2004 at 6:21 AM
| link to this | reply
Chris...
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on December 6, 2004 at 1:38 AM
| link to this | reply
All is Well...
...my South Coast sunbeam (?).
Want more details? Read my damn blog!!
D
posted by
DamonLeigh
on December 6, 2004 at 1:18 AM
| link to this | reply
Whammie
The secret is to have little ambition. That way I don't feel the need to set my sights higher or anything. Besides, I have enough good things in life to make up for it.
posted by
chris2303
on December 6, 2004 at 1:04 AM
| link to this | reply
gypsyred
You're right, I am easily annoyed by her habits, as it were. But for the time being, it's nothing a herbal smoke can't take care of. Sure, this isn't the ideal means by which to get through it, but...what am I saying? Of course it's the ideal means!
posted by
chris2303
on December 6, 2004 at 1:02 AM
| link to this | reply
Thanks shavonne
I try to keep the humour trickling, in fear of sounding like I'm sad and pathetic, which by the way, I am. But only on Mondays. Through Fridays.
posted by
chris2303
on December 6, 2004 at 1:00 AM
| link to this | reply
A.Norseman
hThanks for the advice...luckily, she's not exactly Cruella D'Evil (her mother fills that role), so it's not as bad as it could be. Still, I admire anyone who has the guts to do something about it.
posted by
chris2303
on December 6, 2004 at 12:59 AM
| link to this | reply
Damon!
How's it all going my intercontinental homeboy? Nice to hear from you - hope everything is going well!
posted by
chris2303
on December 6, 2004 at 12:56 AM
| link to this | reply
laughing as always.
posted by
Shavonne
on December 5, 2004 at 10:46 PM
| link to this | reply
This Post...
...made me feel sad.
I must care about you.
Thanks for spoiling my second morning in Singapore.
Git.
D
posted by
DamonLeigh
on December 5, 2004 at 9:36 PM
| link to this | reply
Chris,
Intimacy and attraction are a huge part of being with anyone. If you aren't attracted and the sex isn't great haven't you ever noticed how every little thing they do annoys the hell out of you? This leads to other problems. What if you're tempted to stray? What if she is? So I guess if it's not a major issue to you I'd question why the tone of your post made it seem to be a rather large issue.
posted by
RedHeadedGypsy
on December 5, 2004 at 3:36 PM
| link to this | reply
Chris...
I felt a kinship to you as I read your post. I was married very young as well to someone that was not only unattractive, but evil and mean too. I was committed to the idea of marriage though and therefore sacrificed ten years of my life to an ideal, in the name of my children. I can tell you this...now that I am 42 if I could live it all over again I would have put her out on her ear and spent every penny I had if need be to retain custody of my children. I would have put her in a box and mailed her back to Texas as quickly as I could. Why? Because I was a person that deserved to be loved in the way I wanted to be...as most people are. My children also deserved a father who was happy and emotionally well. I did not do them any favors by keeping that miserable woman in our house all those years, they still suffer the effects of it even today. Your case may be different...you didn't say she was evil. If you still like her as a person I would recomend counseling...if she loves you she will want you to be happy also. Good luck over there...
posted by
A_Norseman
on December 5, 2004 at 3:28 PM
| link to this | reply
Chris, you are still missing something, or you would not have created this
post. Nothing wrong with being grateful for what you have, Dear, but wouldn't you really, really like to have it all?!
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on December 5, 2004 at 3:13 PM
| link to this | reply
WHAMENATOR
As long as I have my extraordinary good looks and iron strong body, I will always have it all.
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 3:05 PM
| link to this | reply
Thanks Rachel
Yeah, and really, I wouldn't want anyone else to bring him up anyway. You can't just jump in after the nappy phase is done.
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 3:03 PM
| link to this | reply
Chris....I AM THE PERFECT WOMAN!!!! WE ALL HAVE OUR PRICE!
Realistically, if you find that elusive special something, it bites you in the ass and you never even saw it coming!
I wish you luck in finding what fulfills your Soul, beyond the fulfillment you find in watching your son grow. Don't you want it ALL? I know I do!
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on December 5, 2004 at 3:02 PM
| link to this | reply
I don't think so...
I'm not very brave at all!
But, I do know where you are coming from and can see why you have chosen to stay in the situation you are in. I think it all boils down to the fact that you are a dedicated father. Can't find fault in that.
posted by
RachelAnna
on December 5, 2004 at 2:58 PM
| link to this | reply
KlaraRoberts
Sadly, I don't think the perfect woman could be bought with money. The perfect prostitute, maybe...
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 2:54 PM
| link to this | reply
Rachel
You must be braver than me then because I wouldn't have the botlle. It would be like opening Pandora's Box, I'm sure. Except with a lot more feeling of guilt.
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 2:53 PM
| link to this | reply
gypsyredhead
Because it's only a question of attraction, there is no real reason to mess things up for anyone. I mean, is it really the end of the world that I don't find her attractive, or that I'm never going to get the best mating procedures with her? Sure, it's a bit of a downer for me, and then some, but for the sake of throwing their worlds up in the air for a more eye pleasing, bed mastering female, would it be worth it? I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt.
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 2:48 PM
| link to this | reply
HHHHMMMM, Chris. I read this one over and over. Got me to thinking.
You know what? If you had enough money you could possibly buy the woman of your dreams!
posted by
KlaraRoberts
on December 5, 2004 at 1:07 PM
| link to this | reply
Woah...
A serious post from you! Shocking!
I can totally relate to how you feel. I wasn't married to my eldest daughters father, but we were together for about four and a half years. Somewhere around year one (maybe before but this but this is when I admitted it to myself) I lost all interest in him. Really. And, it wasn't just the bad sex. We just didn't really have anything in common. I didn't even like him. I felt like I deserved better, but thought I had gotten myself stuck so I was just going to have to live like this. Unfortunately, he was a REALLY nice guy and I just didn't want to hurt him.
Around year 3 he started pressuring me to get married. Nuh-uh. I would tell him I was going to shop for a gown and I'd go a friends house. He'd ask if I put the deposit down on the reception hall--he asked that for six months. I never did do it. I actually only went there once, and never went back.
I finally got brave (crazy?) enough to tell him I'd had enough. It came as a total shock to him because I had been faking it all so well. He was heartbroken because he had no idea I had been so miserable. I regretted not just breaking it off earlier, because while I didn't want to be with him, it hurt to see him hurting so badly.
I wasn't big on my daughter having a step-mom, but she does all these years later. And, while the woman is a grade A bitch, she is good to mau daughter. And, I know my ex wasn't big on the idea of a step-dad, but she has one. And, he's good to her. In the end, it's all worked out better. We're both happy, and my daughter has four parents, not just two, who love her very much.
I applaud you for not just walking away from your son. A lot of guys would have run for the hills right away. But, now that you're there with him it doesn't mean you have to stay with his mother. You are allowed to be happy, you know?
posted by
RachelAnna
on December 5, 2004 at 12:11 PM
| link to this | reply
Amen, GRED!
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on December 5, 2004 at 10:46 AM
| link to this | reply
Chris,
I guess this isn't going to make me any friends. But here goes...there's ways to prevent pregnancy. There's ways to take care of a child that doesn't require being with the other parent. There's choices other than living in misery. Obviously you can't prevent the pregnancy now. Do you realize that in your "giving of yourself" by staying around with a woman you aren't attracted to you're not just cheating yourself, you're cheating her too. Maybe there is someone out there who would love her and find her very attractive, rather than someone who just feels a duty. I like to look at things both ways.
posted by
RedHeadedGypsy
on December 5, 2004 at 10:45 AM
| link to this | reply
Chris,
Just because they considered 15 years with each other a waste, does not mean they considered you a waste, My Kat! You were the silver lining in the cloud!
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on December 5, 2004 at 10:03 AM
| link to this | reply
DEVILINME1
Haha, yeah, I usually put 'Friends' on or something!
Haha, it's funny, because they think you want to do it in the dark because you're shy, when really it's just a case of not wanting to look at them.
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 9:49 AM
| link to this | reply
WHAMENATOR
Yes it is a lot...luckily I have a strong forearm.
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 9:46 AM
| link to this | reply
Cynthia
Poor fellow...that's a very scary thought.
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 9:38 AM
| link to this | reply
DivineDiva
Actually, my son is 3, but I understand your point.
From my own experience, I know that my mother and father splitting up didn't do me any favours. It's not like I was emotionally distraught over the situation or anything. Anyway, they split up when I was 15.
Two years later, I left home myself and set off on a two year crusade of drinking and taking drugs. I did it because I could, because there was no authority to answer to, since my mother and father no longer functioned as a family unit, so to speak. What family? They disappeared as soon as I realised the last 15 years was a waste of time.
As for my situation, my feelings don't even have to come into it, therefore nobody senses them. It's worked so far.
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 9:34 AM
| link to this | reply
Chris, for a small stipend you can know greater satisfaction than
Pamela Handerson!!!! You are too young to never know The Ultimate. Sex might not be everything, but it is a lot!!!!!!!
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on December 5, 2004 at 9:30 AM
| link to this | reply
WHAMENATOR
Yeah, well I figured that all the time I can find free porn on the internet, I'll still be able to lead an active sex life, even if it is with my hand. It's OK, I've got a nice hand.
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 9:26 AM
| link to this | reply
Chris - eight my time--okay - you have 8 hours to get here.
posted by
Hollee
on December 5, 2004 at 8:53 AM
| link to this | reply
Chris, You remind me of my brother.
He never had a way with women and wound up getting married to the first girl he dated. She was "chunky" at the wedding, they had a son, and she has hovered around 300+ pounds ever since. On their 25th anniversary I asked him how it was for him, the last 25 years. "it seems like 25,000" he answered.
posted by
Cynthia
on December 5, 2004 at 8:48 AM
| link to this | reply
Chris, I made my post in SOCIAL RESPONSIBILTY, dedicated to you!
If you are committed to staying for your son, and you want sex on the side, there are women like me who are out there.
But these relationships, that are good, will fizzle because one or both of you will begin to develop feelings and will love each other enough to recognize the inherent dangers thereof.
Or else, the single person will get tired of being the hidden secret. If you have a single woman on the side of your marriage, who fulfills you, then my advice to you, where many men have failed me, is that you need to work harder to make her feel appreciated. Does it involve digging into the wallet? You bet!
If you are paying her car and her rent and everything else, but she is miserable in bed so you keep coming back to me.....buy me a day at the spa once in a while, especially since all our rendezvous take place at my place.....do you have any idea how much rooms alone would cost?
I guess nothing really is for free. Give and take though, means that you must give a little too!
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on December 5, 2004 at 8:43 AM
| link to this | reply
Veggie tales of the bedroom. Tisk tisk.. You do know it isn't any better
on the female side, being with a vegetable and all. There have been times when I did not even know it had begun or ended. Just as long as the tv is in view and he keeps his face no where near mine. Just to shut em up and keep the "no sex" fight down. Some people have it with a great lookin mate who is great in bed, others have it with a cold veggie. life is a bitch sometimes.
posted by
Kiddo75
on December 5, 2004 at 8:26 AM
| link to this | reply
Teach your son
Your son is about 6 years old? He is old enough to be able to pick up that Mommy and Daddy aren't happy. If he sees you unhappy, but unwilling to do anything about it, he will pattern his behaviour after yours (as all children do) and likely have a hard time sticking up for himself in life. Don't kid yourself that you can "pretend" that all is well and fine. A child has an amazing ability to sense what's going on with people.
Is this what you want for your son?
I think you have two choices, fix what's broke, or go find something that ain't broke. It might be that your relationship could get better if she knew how unhappy you are with the sex. (She likely does know). It's not an easy topic for a couple, and it usually needs outside help to be able to talk about it, but it can be done.
It's possible if you don't take control of your own happiness, someone else will. If you're waiting for her to chuck you out, you could be in a situation that she moves to Outer Slobovia with your son and you'll see him once a year !
posted by
DivineDiva
on December 5, 2004 at 8:17 AM
| link to this | reply
Chris, you poor, poor thang!
My comment that I began evolved into a post, worse than usual even! So look for your name in my subject headline!
I truly am sorry for you!
I applaud you for stepping up to the plate and taking care of your child!!!
Too many people do not accept responsiblity!
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on December 5, 2004 at 8:15 AM
| link to this | reply
SYMPHONY
I also step father some other bloke's daughter (I say step but I'm not married). He's a prick, never paid a single penny of maintenance. The thing with him is he enjoys the part time dad role, because it gives him the time to go out with his mates and such like. Sometimes he doesn't like it when I have his daughter by myself, but then it's basically a case of tough shit.
Anyways, is there anything specific you want me to wear or shall I just come in my jeans and blouse?
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 7:50 AM
| link to this | reply
Ariala
Haha, I'm just cheeky monkeying you...nah, I'm not really bothered by age...like I said, I know what the important things in life are now. And besides, older = more experience, right? Well sometimes it is I'm sure...
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 7:46 AM
| link to this | reply
Hollee
Er, don't worry about the references- I'll take your word for it! And we'll go for your time, otherwise it will be tight (which is a good thing!).
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 7:45 AM
| link to this | reply
chris2303 ...I get you!
thats one of those things that men really hate....another man bringing up there kid......obviously I cant relate but it must be awful...but hey ..people have been bought up my many different dads but knew who there real father was!....I don't think your a coward..I think you maybe not sure what it is you want.....exactley where I was when I did not know if to split up with my husband...now that I have ..it is fantastic.....he can see the kids when he wants as long as he wants to see the kids and not me ......I wish you good luck and great happiness.....and I should have left by now to pick you up....we will have great fun
posted by
_Symphony_
on December 5, 2004 at 7:26 AM
| link to this | reply
Chris, no, I should have said 18...sorry, cheeky...I meant you want YOUNG
ladies, not old goat like us! lol
posted by
Ariala
on December 5, 2004 at 7:21 AM
| link to this | reply
LOL Chris - can I send references? Eight your time or my time?
posted by
Hollee
on December 5, 2004 at 7:17 AM
| link to this | reply
SYMPHONY
If I wasn't such a coward, then I'd finish it all and be done with it. But I am, so I'm just going to have to go out with you and your mates in secret.
Plus, another thing is I'm not sure how much I'd want my son to be brought up by another bloke. Who's the daddy? Me, homeboy, that's who.
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 7:17 AM
| link to this | reply
Hollee
You're great in bed? Send me proof and I'll come pick you up around eight. Don't worry, I have a spare hip from my mother that you can use.
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 7:15 AM
| link to this | reply
Passionflower
I am far too much of a coward to do that. Instead, I'll be waiting for the time when she dumps me. Until then, God will get me through.
And by God, I meant lots of dirty, nasty drugs. Yeah baby, I'm so cool.
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 7:14 AM
| link to this | reply
Ariala: Are you implying I'm a paedophile or something?
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 7:12 AM
| link to this | reply
wow chris...I get the feeling this is a serious post....lol...well some
parts...lol
you know if your not happy..you owe it to yourself to get out and move on....don't feel guilty about your son...you can still see him or take him with you, they do say good things come to those who wait...so you never know huh?....but still you deserve happiness....and great sex...lol.......im on my way to pick you up so you can meet some of my friends! ok?.....see you in half hour...make sure your ready
posted by
_Symphony_
on December 5, 2004 at 7:12 AM
| link to this | reply
SincerityAnna
You are absolutely right.
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 7:11 AM
| link to this | reply
I think you have to be a 13 yr. old sheep.
posted by
Hollee
on December 5, 2004 at 7:07 AM
| link to this | reply
Hollee, I think he only does blondes and don't you have to be a sheep or
13 years old? I can't remember...
posted by
Ariala
on December 5, 2004 at 7:02 AM
| link to this | reply
Chris--YOU have money--I'll be right there--and am great in bed, and fairly
thinnish--old though. Very old. Getting older. aack. Nevermind. Might break a hip. Send money.
posted by
Hollee
on December 5, 2004 at 7:00 AM
| link to this | reply
If you feel that way about the woman, you owe it to yourself and to her and even to your son, to leave. You won't be "walking out on your son." Take him with you! Children survive divorce. You've convinced yourself you can't leave but you can. It won't be near as bad as you're thinking. 2 years down the road, you'll be damn glad.
posted by
Passionflower
on December 5, 2004 at 6:59 AM
| link to this | reply
You can be...
dirt poor and still happier and more full of life than a millionair...
posted by
SincerityAnna
on December 5, 2004 at 6:39 AM
| link to this | reply
That's right, homie.
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 6:16 AM
| link to this | reply
Yo comprendo.
posted by
Ariala
on December 5, 2004 at 5:37 AM
| link to this | reply
suomynona
I guess when couples have to work as a team they begin to form a more intimate relationship. Money (can) strip a couple of that necessity to work together and "stick close", as it were. However, having little money doesn't always mean a couple will work better together, it depends, I suppose, on how good of a couple you make in the first place. In your case, it seems like you're pretty well matched.
As for me, I'm not married, but I've been with the same person for about 6 years now. I haven't really got the bottle to walk out on her and become a part time dad though. I have too much guilt to do that. Then again, it might be different if I met someone exceptional, but since much of my life is committed to being a hermit, I don't meet many people. You're right, I am resentful over this, but I can't complain too much because there are always people worse off than me.
And ramble away anytime - it's better than receiving a comment that just says LOL or something!
posted by
chris2303
on December 5, 2004 at 3:52 AM
| link to this | reply
Chris
I think some of the most fun times in my life have been when we were dirt poor....and I mean we were rummaging behind the lounge chairs and under the car seats for enough change to buy a litre of milk. This united us in some way I think. When we have had money....we were no happier than before...in fact...the more you have...the more you seem to spend anyway. We've recently hit hard times again....but for some strange reason this has brought us closer and made us realise that it is having your health and your family that are the important things in life.
As for your partner....I wasn't sure if you are married? If not....is there no way for you to organise access to your son whilst you pursue a more satisfactory relationship? You sound so unhappy and resentful...that can't be good?
Sorry if my comments are boring....but I'm rambling around here at 9pm and no-one much is about and I happened upon your post. Take care
posted by
suomynona
on December 5, 2004 at 3:12 AM
| link to this | reply