Go to I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM
- Add a comment
- Go to I married a gay man. Golly gee, is it any wonder it didn't work out??
But if you undid that 'mistake' you'd be a different person now, right?
posted by
Kay-Ren
on November 12, 2004 at 1:15 PM
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I appreciate every single one of your great comments,
and I am soooooooo sorry I did not have time to answer them individually.
Love you all, 
posted by
Julia.
on November 12, 2004 at 9:45 AM
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Good Idea~~~Quirky~~~
Yea.. under21 is very young .. I see now what I didn't see before when I was that young . I didn't know much and yet .. I thought I knew everything . What kind of things hapened during your marriage .. that might have been odd to you ( while married to a gay man) .. I am curious .. to know.... CAn you share?>
posted by
ANGELZ_MIND
on November 12, 2004 at 7:40 AM
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Quirky: My wife was 21 when we got married. Our relationshipstarted three or four years before that. It's still going strong. That's despite my parents in law who did not believe we'd last more than 18 months and my mother in law still puts in her snide remarks about me when she thinks that it will encourage a break-up. It's also despite many well-meaning "friends" doing their bit to "save" my wife from a bad relationship.
My brother got married six months later (at 20, with his wife about the same age); their marriage is still going stroing. Both of those marriages are now approaching 35 years duration.
Both my sons got married when they were under 21, with wives of the same age. They're still married and that's approaching 14 years for both of them.
What makes a marriage work is the partners deciding to live together. It's one-day-at-a-time in action, and choosing to keep the relationship going each and every day. That's how long LOVE lasts - 24 hours - so it really is a matter of deciding to be in love every day. That's where security comes from - not from the partner, but from your own decisions.
A pity that so few people seem to have learned the lesson.
Hollywood, perhaps?
posted by
L.E.Gant
on November 11, 2004 at 11:16 PM
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Quirky, I date a few guys who turned out to be gay. It pissed me off.
You do have a good attitude.
posted by
Ariala
on November 11, 2004 at 7:39 PM
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Quirky....
At least he didn't turn gay "because" of you...be happy about that.
posted by
A_Norseman
on November 11, 2004 at 6:10 PM
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I guess
it was better your married a gay man than a gay woman. The latter is so complicated in makes my head want to explode.
posted by
qwertyui
on November 11, 2004 at 5:42 PM
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Wow!
That had to be hard when you were going through it.
I got married a month after I turned 20, but we went through some pretty hefty pre-marriage counseling. It was handled by our pastor, but it wasn't religious in nature at all.
We took standardized tests to tell us what "major" things we agreed and disagreed on. We also talked about sex, money, careers, kids, infidelity, everything. It was a six month thing where we went every other week. Very in-depth. But, it was helpful. Issues we were already having as a couple were brought out and it did us some good. We still practice stuff we learned there.
posted by
RachelAnna
on November 11, 2004 at 5:36 PM
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Not to make light of it but...
Did you at the very least get some fabulous decorating done around the house. Gay libbers don't come after for that one, I am only joking.
posted by
she-bear
on November 11, 2004 at 5:23 PM
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I have a friend who's been married to the same man
since she was 17. She's now 46. Rare but it happens.
posted by
jollyjeff
on November 11, 2004 at 3:09 PM
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LOL Quirky - I need to wear my glasses
when i'm on Blogit - I thought your headline read "I'm a married gay man..." And I thought "What the Hell?"
posted by
MerryAnne
on November 11, 2004 at 2:25 PM
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I think the age one gets married depends on the individual. I married my hubbie of 10 years when I was 21 (he was 24) and we are still very happy and silly in love.... though we did date for 5 1/2 years and had some premarital counseling, so that may have something to do with the success of our marriage ~
posted by
MariVye
on November 11, 2004 at 2:22 PM
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True Quirky...
Even our bad experiences have lessons. At 21 I was busy living it up. Nary a thought of tying the knot in sight. I believe youth is the time to play, live and learn therby getting some experience before we settle down to 'serious' living and the responsibilities that go along with children and marriage.
posted by
word.smith
on November 11, 2004 at 11:58 AM
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Quirky,
You have a wonderful attitude.
posted by
canine277
on November 11, 2004 at 11:46 AM
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So true, 25 is a good age limit to set on oneself...
if still single and young. My first marriage, I was 18...YIKES, lasted only 6 years. We both became two different people (at least I think he was a person) as we grew up, and things crumbled from there. Unlike you, I do harbor some resentment, even though I know I hold blame as well. My ex- was not a nice person, as he matured, and became a mean addicted human being as the years went by. I wouldn't trade the experience, because of my kids and because I learned a lot about myself through it all.
Young and dumb...we've all been there...
ltlmac70
posted by
superflymom119
on November 11, 2004 at 11:35 AM
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We dont really think things through when we are young.
posted by
Melodystar
on November 11, 2004 at 11:27 AM
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