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poms
The thing is that is not true respect. It is like if you hit an animal, the animal gets scared of doing that again because it does not want to get hit, but it does not have respect for what is hitting it. If it had been true respect you had earned, then he would not have returned to his old ways.
There might be a macho level to it, but still ti sounds like you just need to take a stand with him and make it clear where the limits are and make it very clear to him that you will go through with nay threats you make. Hide his video game system if he runs off for a night without telling you. Just make it clear to him that there are real consequences for when he does not follow the rules.
A suggest fro the your spelling problem, cut and paste your comments and posts into an e-mail that has a spell check and send it to no one so it will run the spell check and not send an e-mail, before you post any of them and fix the spelling that way and just cut and paste them back on to the blog form.
posted by
kooka_lives
on October 24, 2004 at 4:28 PM
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ok first it is not that i have removed my self
it is that i cant spell it and i feel bad about it.
On how he will not hit me back he wont i did as i said hit him in the mouth once and it was fine he was a lot better. I dont know what it is but with him being a big guy he dont care about you inless you can stand up to him. and once you do he will respect you for a time till he gets a bug up his but (as my mom would say).
Now dont get me wrong I do not think I should have to hit or smack or what ever you want to call it to get him to respect me but if that is what it takes I will do it.
I would rather sit and talk with him but he dose not listen to words just actions. He dose like hugs from time to time if no one is around. He thinks it makes him weak to so he cares. See the other thing is his grandfather died when he was young and that was the man of his world. so i think he still has to deal with that. But from what I am told about him he was a good man but if you smarted off to him he would hit you in the mouth. See i never met the man so I dont know.
Well I just wanted to let you know it was not that i have removed my self but if you look at most of my stuff I cant spell for crap so I put it in a way I know I can spell and get the same message acrosse. my way of spelling it is nephu and i know how bad that looks so I dont use it if I can help it. thank you for your words.
posted by
poms77
on October 24, 2004 at 3:39 PM
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poms
He never learned respect. His biological parents obviously screwed up there and that may be why you ended up with him. Although I would like you to look at what you call him to give you an example of your relationship with him.
He is your sister-in-law's son, not your nephew. You have removed yourself as far as possible from being related to him and from haveing any real attachment to him. That says a lot to me as to how you see it all.
How is smacking him going to get him to respect you? He does not seem to fear you. You obviously are afraid of him, and that is how he has power over you. Also, from what you have said, why would he not hit you back and hit you harder? I can see no logic to you using force against him.
I do not know all of what unicorn (who most likely will hate the simple fact that I am once more giving you advice, even if this agrees with hers at some level) has sent you, but she did say something about you can legally give up your custody of him. You might wish to make it very clear to him that if he is going to act like a child and not show you respect, then you are not going to have him in your life. If he wishes to stay with you he will have to make some serious changes.
All the issues he seems to have, had to have came from before you got him and therefore can not be solved through how I am raising my children. You are not raising him, but are taking care of him. Big difference. But it is obvious to me that if you go and smack him that will not fix anything, but could make things worse for you.
posted by
kooka_lives
on October 23, 2004 at 1:24 PM
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I have a question for you then
I want you to tell me how you get a 17 year old boy do do his chorse and go to school and call if he will be late. See we now have my sister-in-laws boy and he has only bean talked to and he dont care if you are disapointed in him. but the one time i did smack him in the moust for calling me a mother f**king bit** he was just fine and he even did things i did not ask him to do. now he knows since he is with us by the courts and if we rase a hand to him he dose what ever he wants since we cant do anything but tell him we are disapointed or that we would like to talk to him. If we say that he tells us to go f**k ourfelfs and leaves the house since he is 6"8' and over 300lbs it is hard for me to do much. If you call the cops on him he dont care.. So please tell me how all mighty one to deal with him if not to give him a smack in the mouth when he calls me or my husband stuff like that.
posted by
poms77
on October 22, 2004 at 9:55 AM
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right
work with getting your kids to understand how to act "good":
have them begin to figure out what to do rather than to be forced to accept a behavior pattern.
their minds have to be trained to discern rather than to be told what to do
that's the problem with a lot of people of all ages.
like pavlov's dog, they have been conditioned not to be independent, but to be dependent on the thinking of others, which can lead to following leaders that are not good for them.
posted by
Xeno-x
on October 22, 2004 at 7:58 AM
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