Go to MY PERCEPTIVE REFLECTION!!
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- Go to MY HUSBAND STAYED AT MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT...................................
WHAMENATOR
everybody had given me great advice.............I can not thank you enough
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 22, 2004 at 3:30 AM
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iSiSeyeS
this is so damn hard, but I want to make it so I am doing my best, but I must admit if it was not for all you wonderful people out there, I would still be in the same predicament so thank you for keeping me strong.........I hope you feel the same way as us keeping you strong
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 22, 2004 at 3:29 AM
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jimmy68
thank you so much for being honest............you are great.............thank you for the advice
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 22, 2004 at 3:28 AM
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ltlmac70
I forgot to say............that was brilliant advice..........it really made me think..........thank you
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 22, 2004 at 3:27 AM
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ltlmac70
wow thank you so much for your encouragement and support and for telling it like it is............you are great.......thank you so much, you are so kind..........take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 22, 2004 at 3:26 AM
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Original_Influence
thank you
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 22, 2004 at 3:25 AM
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tbgroucho
thank you so much
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 22, 2004 at 3:25 AM
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Symphony......Jimmy speaks the Truth!!!!!!!
Jimmy..........excellent advice!!!!!!
Whammie 
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on August 22, 2004 at 1:09 AM
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What a SHITHEAD!!
Ohhhh sweetie.
Thank God you didn't let him into your bed. I am so proud of you!
I will be dealing with this same type of shit very soon as well. He's laying the guilt trip on thick as it is. I can just imagine what it will be like when I try living in my own place. You are an inspiration to me.
iSiSeyeS
posted by
myrrhage_
on August 22, 2004 at 1:07 AM
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That was a punk ass move on his part...
tell him to come see you when he has a year sober, you have nothng to feel guilty about and I can pretty much gaurantee that if you take him back this easily he won't stay sober long...I sure as hell wouldn't have...Take care and stay strong...
posted by
jimmy68
on August 22, 2004 at 1:00 AM
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Everyone has given you advice that makes sense...
At some level you know what the true "right thing to do" is. If you think he might straighten out, don't decide that in a few days, weeks, or even months. He proves his true intentions and character in how he handles this seperation. Neither one of you is in any emotional condition currently to make radical life-altering choices. If he can't accept that time and effort prove his worth, then there is enough proof of his worth in that. Take some time to breathe and get a feel for how life is without him in the home. After about 6 months, if you're certain it's a done deal, then proceed with a divorce. At least, though, give yourself time to transition into your new life, and give L a chance to prove what role, if any, he'll be able to play in the lives of the children. Your children will understand, especially as time goes by and if he continues to disappoint and test their love for him, as he probably does now. I feel like been there done that, when I read these accounts of your situation. I wish you knew me better, and you could see my own "then and now" transition. Then you could see that there really is a light at the end of the tunnel...but, you MUST endure the tunnel to get to it!!
Write On! (and keep your wits about you!!)
ltlmac70 wuz here...
posted by
superflymom119
on August 21, 2004 at 9:49 PM
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Symphony,
You feel guilty becuase you love your kids and you are a good mom...so stay stromg and do what's best! Hang in there.
posted by
Original_Influence
on August 21, 2004 at 9:22 PM
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symphony
everyone has already said it. You are right to keep him out of your house at least for a while. Don't ever ever ever ever forget what he did to you -- I know we won't -- and don't ever blame yourself for it, or any of his behavior. you take care of you.
tg check your
tg
posted by
tbgroucho
on August 21, 2004 at 9:22 PM
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katray
thank you so much for reading and commenting...........as well as relating.......thank you for all your support.......you are great.......take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 3:07 PM
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No you should not feel guilty. Supreme manipulation on his part and how sad he involves the children. But many men will play this card because they know it is your weak spot. Try to remain strong and determined in your decisions, whatever they may be. Just be sure they are yours, free from his games. I know from experience how painful and difficult this is. My thoughts and prayers with you. Take care.
posted by
Katray2
on August 21, 2004 at 3:03 PM
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Schatz
lol....................hehehe I get your point I can sure see them words.......................I am also sure they are drummed into my head as of now.................thank you
or should I say
thank you
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 2:55 PM
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Every time you are feeling guilty, say these words and think of all of us:
I am doing the right thing. I am doing the right thing. I am doing the right thing.I am doing the right thing. I am doing the right thing. I am doing the right thing.I am doing the right thing. I am doing the right thing. I am doing the right thing.....
posted by
Schatz
on August 21, 2004 at 2:44 PM
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ThomasFranklin
thank you
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 2:12 PM
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mariantonia
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 2:12 PM
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good luck with everything
posted by
ThomasFranklin
on August 21, 2004 at 2:04 PM
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If you're determined to be free; stick to your decision.
posted by
mariantonia
on August 21, 2004 at 1:32 PM
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scriber
yes....... so I am seeing
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 10:42 AM
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Gheeghee
thank you so much you are very kind, thanks for reading and commenting and given some advice.........you are great................take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 10:42 AM
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Symp--the L is a clever bastard; love scriber
posted by
scriber
on August 21, 2004 at 10:38 AM
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you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for!
you handled that beautifully. WAY TO STICK TO YOUR GUNS! He has to do waaayyyyy better than that to earn your respect back. I bet your kids would understand all that too, if you explained. They may be young, but they don't like to be treated badly, and will understand how you feel and why you are demanding that L get his shit together. They will understand. Love you! Gina
posted by
Gheeghee
on August 21, 2004 at 10:34 AM
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tremacc
you are wonderful.................thank you so much................and I think you know me pretty well
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 8:56 AM
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if you would...
posted by
Tremac
on August 21, 2004 at 8:55 AM
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Wham
I hear ya, but he can always get visitation at a designated location if he wants to see the kids. I am not asking her to deny him that, but he and his mom are railroading her and as a cop you must know that he showed his hand when he struck it across her face.
Symphony, thanks. I know that I don't really know you, but I know enough to care and I would feel so much better if would.
posted by
Tremac
on August 21, 2004 at 8:53 AM
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Remnant
thank you
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 8:37 AM
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tremacc ...............lol
when you wrote that (locks changed) that made me smile .............you have said that for such a long time.....lol
and you know what.............I am going to do just that..............even though he has not attempted to do that.......but to make you and myself feel lots better...........lol......
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 8:36 AM
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WHAMENATOR
thank you so much, you are so kind to me.................I feel so loved................
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 8:35 AM
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RachelAnna
thank you so much for reading and commenting..................you are wondeful................take care
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 8:34 AM
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good
good to stand your ground and be yourself. Bravo.
Tad
posted by
Remnant
on August 21, 2004 at 8:30 AM
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tremacc, unfortunately the children give them a tie that cannot be broken!
That is the worst part when things do not work out!
Whammie 
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on August 21, 2004 at 8:27 AM
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Symphony, one day it's going to set in that you really don't want him back (unless you do). With all of that being said, please get the locks changed.
posted by
Tremac
on August 21, 2004 at 8:25 AM
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Dearest SYMPHONY........thank you for your kind words..........
I took an instant liking to you here, and I refuse to see me friends in pain!!!!!! My vocation and my own experiences give me some wisdom.
And everyone loves you here Max!!!!!!!! We are here for you, for sure!!!!!!
Much Love, and a great Big Hug!!!!!!!!!
Miriam
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on August 21, 2004 at 7:59 AM
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As time goes on it'll be less confusing for them...
and for you. Just remember you're not the bad person in all of this. Keep you're head up, you should be proud of yourself for not backing down!
posted by
RachelAnna
on August 21, 2004 at 7:51 AM
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word.smith
thank you so much, I know this deep down inside..........its just so hard..........but I am doing my best......thank you
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 6:31 AM
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Whim
thank you............whamentor is fantastic..........I have always listened to her
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 6:31 AM
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Ariala
you are wonderful, you have always been here for me from the beginning, thank you so much it means so much to me, thank you for reading, commenting and praying for me
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 6:30 AM
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jamryn
thank you so much for everything....................I was doing so well, then something spoils all...........I am trying to do my best by everybody.....but it is damn hard..............thank you so much for everything
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 6:29 AM
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WHAMENATOR
you really are helping me. I want to thank you so much for everything....................I really owe you a life full of something, because you have saved me from a life full of tears, for all the support you give me, you make me feel so much better for being me..............I wish I had spoken to you earlier..........cos I felt like banging my head against a wall............but talking to you and for you to understand and relate and give me wonderful advice.....it makes me feel just that little bit better and less guilty towards my children.
they don't understand now..............but I am sure in time they will.......................at the moment I never ever want to get back with him.....changed or not..............I want to move on.............thank you
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 6:27 AM
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You feel guilty perhaps because you're a mother
and your kids are unhappy and the situation involves you. Do your best to shun those guilty feelings when they come. You are your first responsibility and you owe it to yourself and your kids to do what's best for all of you.
posted by
word.smith
on August 21, 2004 at 5:58 AM
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Listen to Wham.
You don't want to see your kids repeating the pattern as adults.
posted by
Whim
on August 21, 2004 at 5:57 AM
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Symphony, this is a tough situation, but you're in my thoughts and prayers.
posted by
Ariala
on August 21, 2004 at 5:56 AM
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I was praying for you last night. When your mother inlaw came for the kids i started to get worried. Then your head line today. You made some good choices Stick to them. Ofcourse they will use the children to try and sway you or to tear you down. Whamenator gave you excelent advice. Just remember - for the next 18 to 20 years these children need to see positive and helpful parents - not necesarly living in the same household.
posted by
jamryn
on August 21, 2004 at 5:52 AM
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SYMPH, I know you are in England, but I cannot imagine things are that much
different.
Family Relations Court. You need to create a formal shared parenting, custodial, visitation arrangement, whatever they call it. You need to get a legal document on paper!
And even if the kids do not understand now, they will when they grow up. I don't know how many times I wish my Mum were still here, so I could thank her for things she did and said when I was younger that I got angry about.
Mom did her best, and she raised me to be a Lady, but Society and Life Experiences have also played a role. That is why I am such a conundrum, now!
We have this bizarre sense of Family here, Max, that is tighter than anything I have ever known. You be strong, and we will help you conquer and overcome!!!
Much love,
Miriam
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on August 21, 2004 at 5:47 AM
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WHAMENATOR
thank you so much for your wonderful heartfelt comment, you really do know and understand me........thank you so much for that, I don't want him back.......the children do and it so hard to explain to them, but I do realise that getting back with him for my children sake is not a good move to make.
i feel so much better without him, i have felt great without him in the house, I can relax and not worry, it is a wonderful atmosphere ..........
but I feel that him and his mum are out to get me and ware me down and I am refusing to let it happen, I don't want my children to see them but I know that will hurt them, I don't want him to use them to get to me or mess up there heads........but I feel scared that is already out of my hands.........
I feel confused, but not confused enough to take him back,
he does look like he is off the drink, for how he looks but .......the problem is not over because he is still is a controlling freak.............and still wants a drink........
I want to make everybody happy but that is so impossible...................
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 5:11 AM
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SYMPH, you heard me tell of the Cycle........he is trying for a honeymoon
Also, if he has a problem with alcohol, then he probably requires some professional help, and his problems are deeper than the bottle and the bottle is just a symptom.
Also, be very careful, because I sensed a red light, a huge alarm, that he will use the children as ammunition, and play with their heads in order to win you back. And I think I know you, that you would take him back rather than to see your children hurting and confused.
I do not envy your predicament! I guarantee you on the last dollar in my pocket, that he is going to try to manipulate the heck out of you!
Do you still love him? Yes. Are you hurting? Yes.
Does he still love you? Yes. Is he hurting? Yes.
Is this a healthy Relationship? By no means!!!!!!!!!
If you take him back, in no time, he will revert to his old ways. I promise you that. And each time it happens, think back, it was a little bit worse than the last time.
Not only am I am cop who tries to help people in your situation.....I grew up in such a household. And then, I kept picking different versions of my Dad, no matter how far opposite I thought I was going at first--they all had the same trait of being a control freak, and an abuser (well, most of them, and the ones I seemed to stick with anyway).
That is a large reason why I am so much alone now.
You may need counseling, too, Dearest, because I sense you also harbor a lot of hurt on those strong shoulders.
Time? Money? It is so hard, I know.
So long as the same dynamics prevail, you are forever at risk to return to the same situation, and the longer you remain, the more apathetic you will probably become about getting out, unless the abuse gets horrific. But also, on the abusers end, the less willing he becomes to letting go.
You are in such a difficult spot, Max! I wish I had the answers, but I fear I only hounded you with more questions..........
Love and prayers,
Miriam
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on August 21, 2004 at 5:02 AM
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beachbelle
thank you
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 4:44 AM
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sassyass_64
thank you so much for reading and commenting and sharing your advice, you are great...........this is such a difficult situation............but I know many have been through this................thank you
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 4:43 AM
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Stay strong.
You are right about not wanting to confuse the kids
posted by
beachbelle
on August 21, 2004 at 4:38 AM
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That is a shame
You are feeling bad because that is what they set out to do to you. A relationship will never work out if it is one that is forced together for the wrong reasons. You have been honest and have done nothing wrong. Don't let it get to you, but make sure that when speaking about your hubby to the kids that it is always done positively. It is natural for kids to want their parents together. They don't understand that separation is for the best sometimes. Good luck. I've been there and done that.
posted by
Sherri_G
on August 21, 2004 at 4:38 AM
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hugz_n_kisses
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 4:31 AM
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indeed, why should you? xoxoxoxoxoxox
posted by
hugz_n_kisses
on August 21, 2004 at 4:19 AM
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