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I don't understand how she thought you were stealing food. You did live there. What a nightmare.

posted by Annicita on December 24, 2022 at 7:06 PM | link to this | reply

Re: TAPS

I always tell people if they can ask the question, I can answer it.

The short answer is yes both times. Judy was aware of my past about a year before I proposed to her, and we talked about it often, even on our honeymoon. She asked about my thoughts on having children, and we talked about the abuse and I gave her my promise to never strike our children in anger... and I never did.

This is about 1200 word excerpt from my book, "I Remember Judy - A Love Story." It centers on the last two days of our fifteen-day honeymoon. It talks about some intimate stuff, but all of that was soft as I could write it. It describes how we made our marriage last all those years and remain so much in love. We were ALWAYS honest with each other.

After an hour of play had passed, we lay on the bed, still nude, with the window open and a light breeze blowing in and across our bodies. Neither of us had spoken for almost twenty minutes before Judy broke the silence. “I just want to live ‘happily ever after’ just like this for the rest of our lives.” At that point, all I could do was smile.

The Days, They Fly By Quickly 

The next ten days seemed just to disappear, but I remember them yet today. We spent a day at the new Disney World, covering as much as we could in the day we had set aside for it. The Florida complex was vast compared to the California site. Sea World was just down the road, so we spent a day there as well. We also visited the Sea World in the Los Angeles area on our previous cross-country trip, and it was nice to talk about the differences between the two.  

There were a couple of other small local attractions we visited, but we spent most of our days in the pool and just spending time alone. We knew that once we were back at our jobs, the time like we were enjoying right then, would be non-existent. Judy wanted to ‘go somewhere,’ but I finally convinced her that those places would be there for a long time, but we would only be ‘new’ as we were then but once. 

We would spend most of our nights just laying next to each other on the king-sized bed, holding hands, talking, kissing, and giggling. One night Judy asked me, “Why is kissing you now so much different from before we were married?” As an answer, the comedian in me whispered back to her I had stopped brushing my teeth. Did it make that much of a difference?  

Of course, that comment was rewarded with a quick slap on the wrist. It was nice just to be goofing around and giggling at stupid stuff. Yes, we were young adults, but neither of us was that far removed from being teenagers. We had no children to mind, no clocks to punch, and no one to whom we had to answer. For two glorious weeks, we were able just to be kids on a honeymoon.   

Of course, we spent plenty of time making love or talking about it. We were young and alone, and nature takes its course. One late morning, we were ‘involved,‘ and suddenly there was a light knock on the door with a voice telling us it was ‘room service!’ Before I could say anything, the maid opened the door, but thankfully, I had set the door chain, and the backup security chain denied her entry.  

I heard her say something about, ‘I’m sorry, I’ll come back later!’ For a moment, Judy was horrified, but a second later, we were in hysterical laughter about our near miss. When we got ourselves calmed down a bit, I asked Judy, “What? You didn’t put up your ‘Honeymooners Within’ sign? I’m shocked, shocked I tell you!” Of course, that set off another ten-minute giggling spell. 

I said something about how the guys at the base would love to hear this story, which was promptly met with her, ‘Don’t you dare!’ I told her I wouldn’t do that to her, but I might whisper it to Lois and the girls at the hospital, which was also not well received. Once I stopped laughing, I whispered to her, “Judy, I think they know what we are doing down here. They will quiz about this stuff, trust me!” 

That was how our honeymoon days were spent; talking, giggling, and laying nude on our bed. It was beautiful, enchanting, and immensely enjoyable. Even the unexpected arrival of Judy’s period didn’t deter a thing. She was upset, but I assured her that as a graduate of a major college with a degree in the biological sciences, I was well aware of what was happening. Judy was still embarrassed, but I just stayed calm, and soon enough, she was over it.  

We spent part of that day talking about how we would handle various things in our future. We promised to be straightforward and honest to each other. We talked about our work and how it would affect us. We decided that when one of us came home, other than a brief ‘hello’ and ‘good morning,’ the already-at-home partner would refrain from talking about much until the just-arrived partner had at least half an hour to decompress.  

She knew well that my job was a high-stress situation on occasion, and I would come home and just sit and think. Conversely, Judy’s position in the OB department mostly had its good times, but it had its dark times as well. Short of a house fire, we promised never to bother one another until we said the magic three words, ‘I love you.’ Everything was to be cured with those words. If one of us needed to talk, we would ask for ‘a moment.’ We pledged always to be respectful of the others’ opinions, and to never ‘carry an argument over’ to another day. 

It may sound dumb, and nothing but youthful expectations, but those promises made while naked on a bed in a Florida hotel were to set the tone for the rest of our young lives. In our decades together, I can recall fewer than five serious discussions that, if allowed, could have escalated into a fight. With me, it was always the words of my father that would whisper in my ear, ‘If it means this much to her, Doc, surrender your argument. She is the best thing that will ever happen to you. Don’t ruin it over something stupid.’ 

It was on that bed that we renewed many other vows. We promised to never part without saying the three words. We would also always be honest and upfront with one another. I would not be jealous of men she met in the line of her job, nor would she be upset if she saw me talking to another lady. I alone held the key to Judy’s heart, and she kept the key to mine. We would never give the other a reason to doubt each other. Never. 

Finally, I promised Judy that no matter what happened, she would be my forever love, and she promised to be mine. In the years that followed, especially as I watched my heart slip away from me, I fought the good fight for her and kept her close to me, protecting her from all things wicked. Some may have thought those promises the words of teenagers in love, but we held fast to them all of our lives. 

As the last morning of our stay arrived, we spent one more morning in each other’s arms, holding ourselves tight. It was a time we would never forget. It forever played a part of our lives together. As we checked out, I saw our friend Ruth and stopped her. Judy reached into her bag and brought out a set of ‘ears’ from the local kingdom with her name embroidered on it. Ruth hugged Judy and then me. That stay in Florida set the tone of our lives.  

posted by BigV on November 29, 2022 at 10:30 AM | link to this | reply

A personal question you don't have to answer if you don't want to:  Before you married (both times) did you tell your loved ones of the abusive past you had?  The reason I asked is because in my husbands case I learned nothing of the abuse my husband had endured, both from his father and his mother, until long after we were married and I had a really difficult time trying to keep him (and his mother) from abusing our sons, especially the oldest one.

posted by TAPS. on November 29, 2022 at 9:11 AM | link to this | reply

Thank you

I appreciate your words and comments.

It's amazing that I am getting so much feedback here and from people reading this on Vella. I had one reader ask me how my siblings turned out, and this is what I told her:

The brother who lives on the edge of our property and I were the only two of six kids who came out semi-normal.  Jerry is highly intelligent like me but in different ways.  He was a die maker and traveled the world fixing machines he designed.  He has a keen mind and a sense of humor.  

posted by BigV on November 29, 2022 at 7:59 AM | link to this | reply

I echo the others' comments. No child should ever have to endure such torture. It must have been terrible to live like that. Inexcusable and tragic. You were accused of stealing food from your own house!!! That's bizzare but makes sense in this context. I wonder why your uncle didn't help with cows before this? I also am wondering how your absence from school was explained. I'm sure your mother had it all covered. 

posted by Sea_Gypsy on November 28, 2022 at 4:06 PM | link to this | reply

Wow. It's amazing you were able to live with that. We got from something so innocent, the delivering of the calf, to such a violent display.

posted by FormerStudentIntern on November 28, 2022 at 9:13 AM | link to this | reply

I wonder how many precious children have to live like that, and how many die because of it, or become abusive themselves as they grow older.

posted by TAPS. on November 28, 2022 at 9:11 AM | link to this | reply