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Re: Kabu
I'm sorry, dear. Your response must have come in as I was responding to Pat. I have made all of my plans as well. Lisa's name is on the title of both of our houses and all of our credit cards. This eliminates having to worry about issues of ownership and money.
A friend of mine lived in The Villages, one of the richest towns in Florida. It never occurred to her that her husband would die before she did, why, he was ten years younger than she was... and yet, he did. She was able to keep her home for twenty-plus years, but it took a big-time lawyer with his big-time fees to keep the house.
She lost all of her credit cards and had to bring her layer in to have access to the money they had in the bank and she had to reapply for all new credit cards. She spent over ten thousand bucks to get back to where she was the day before her husband died.
I would never do that to my wife. As soon as she moved in with me a few months before we were married, I legally added her name to the house in Newberry and her name is on the title of this house in Madison. We have three payments left to pay off this house, meaning by the end of Labor Day weekend, both our homes will be free and clear. Her name is on the credit cards as a primary user.
We have been buying all the food we can get shipped here via Amazon and Walmart and have stuffed our new freezer with food. Lisa says we have about four months of food right now, and I intend to buy another deep freezer in July.
I want to be sure my wife gets everything 'in the event...' that she deserves. It cost us about $250 to have her name on the title in Newberry. We added it this time in Madison. I've been teaching her how to make our credit card payments... not that she was 'too dumb' to do so, but so she knows when what is due and where every dime we make comes in, and where every dime has to go to make our various payments. We weren't carrying a lot of credit card debt before moving down here, but rebuilding this place has sure given us one! LOL. Lisa acts goofy, but she is smart as a whip.
Our 'debt retirement plan' will have us back to zero debt beyond recurrent payments for things like electricity, Internet, water, food, and insurance by Christmas.
posted by
BigV
on June 20, 2022 at 1:03 PM
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Pat_B
Thank you, Pat. We avoid arguments, fights, and other such bad things by leaving ourselves open to conversation. Judy and I set up a phrase that we used when one of us deemed it necessary to put everything else aside and listen. It worked with us for 45 years, so when Lisa and I began to get closer, I set up the same phrase.
When she says the phrase, we find a place to talk and I keep my mouth shut until she says what she needs to say. This particular time, she wanted my true thoughts and feelings about my illness. Do I think my illness will affect my longevity? If it does, what should she do?
She was afraid, and in those hours, we were able to come to an understanding. She felt better and I felt better.
This song was one of Judy's favorite songs, but Lisa and I love it too. This is my promise to her.
Now and forever
You are a part of me
And the memory cuts like a knife
Didn't we find the ecstasy?
Didn't we share the daylight?
When you walked into my life
Now and forever I'll remember
All the promises still unbroken
And think about all the words between us
That never needed to be spoken
We had a moment
Just one moment
That will last beyond a dream, beyond a lifetime
We are the lucky ones
Some people never get to do
All we got to do
Now and forever
I will always think of you
Didn't we come together?
Didn't we live together?
Didn't we cry together?
Didn't we play together?
Didn't we love together?
And together we lit up the world
I miss the tears
I miss the laughter
I miss the day we met and all that followed after
Sometimes I wish I could always be with you
The way we used to do, oh
Now and forever
I will always think of you
Now and forever
I will always be with you
posted by
BigV
on June 20, 2022 at 11:35 AM
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An excellent talk together. Wiley John and I had that talk after his first life threateniing heart attack. in fact, he died twice in the ambulance on the way to hospital.Later when he was better and his heart was strong again he went to the Catholic Mortuary and organized his funeral and paid for it. Thus, when he died it was so much easier for me. Of course with Covid raging, we had to cut the Funeral back to just 10 people at the cemetary. Still I didn't have to think which was good, because thinking was not happening. I shut down into my grief.
posted by
Kabu
on June 20, 2022 at 11:27 AM
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What a blessing that the two of you had this particular talk.
No matter what the future brings, it seems to me it can't be anything but better because you had it. 
posted by
Pat_B
on June 20, 2022 at 9:42 AM
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