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Re: Re: It's hard to be sick, to have to depend on someone else for everything.
re: the end of life "care" as it is done now - I could not agree more. My nightmare is that I'll be in that position one day. Mercy. Please.
posted by
Pat_B
on February 21, 2020 at 4:43 AM
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Re: It's hard to be sick, to have to depend on someone else for everything.
Thank you.
Kabu and I 'talk' by email on and off. She chose a path I couldn't take. She did a lot of geriatric work, something I couldn't do. In nursing school, our director of instruction came to our classroom one day to tell us that we're going to 'be lucky enough to do another 12 weeks in the geriatric wards." I guess my deep sigh, head down, and shaking 'no, please, no!' caught her attention, and she asked me what my problem was in geriatrics.
Before I could get my answer out, one of the girls next to me (she had a bad case of 'my ding-a-ling' and didn't make it through the course) told the director that I 'didn't like old people.' That, of course, got her fired up, and she began to question me about why I 'hated old people.'
I told her, "First, Laura over there has never worked with me, and she is dead wrong. I don't hate older people, I hate what we are doing to older people. We keep people who wanted and should have died years ago alive, for what reason? No one ever comes to visit them. They are in pain, they are lonely, and they can't do anything that they want to do anymore. Are we really helping them? or are we just prolonging their agony and making money for the institution doing it?"
Without bragging, in our class of 36 nursing students, I was the top graduate both years I went. I gave a speech at our college graduation and also gave the 'keynote speech' at a massive 'student nursing convention' that drew over 4500 students that year from Michigan, Indiana, and Ohio and got a standing ovation for it. I was one of just seven men at that convention.
That is why I worked on the EMS (Emergency Medical Services) side of medicine. I could do something to help people instead of prolonging their personal hells in a bed from which they would never rise. I was the supervisor of a 56 man EMS system in my county for three years before moving on to a much bigger system in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I've seen so many suicides, murders, auto accident deaths, and other accidental deaths, and I've lost count. I've done CPR thousands of times, sometimes even saving some people, and having lost the vast majority of the time... but at least I could do something to maybe 'save the day.'
My long time partner, Steve, who has been portrayed in several of my stories, and I were called 'The Dynamic Duo' by a Michigan State trooper who asked the radio dispatch to send out 'The Dynamic Duo' to help the crew already there. Steve and I were a real team. We worked together so well, and we rarely had to communicate with each other verbally. We instinctively knew what the other would be doing. When our rig rolled up on a massive accident, we automatically assumed control of the scene. Again, no brag - just fact.
As my father told me over and over after a long story that had nothing to do with what I was asking him about, the reason I tell you all of that is to explain the geriatric bit. I could deal with what we called 'hair, teeth, blood, guts, and eyeballs,' but I couldn't work geriatrics. It tore my soul out watching people who wanted nothing more than to be allowed to die just to rot away. I always told anyone who would listen that that practice was a major sin.
I kept my wife at home with me simply because I knew that she would never get anything less than my best because I loved her. It didn't matter how many times I changed her diaper out, and it was always done lovingly. I always smiled and spoke softly to her, reassuring and calming her. I might have been wound up tighter than a 25-cent watch, but she never knew it. All Judy ever saw from me was a loving smile, touch, and heart. I had promised her that as long as I was able to do it, she would always be with me. I kept that promise.
I have great respect for the people who work 'extended care' facilities. I couldn't do it.
/end of rant.
posted by
BigV
on February 20, 2020 at 12:41 PM
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It's hard to be sick, to have to depend on someone else for everything.
Frustrating. But from what I've seen it's every bit as hard, if not even more difficult, to be the caregiver, esp. when one knows the outcome is most likely negative. I hope Kabu finds a way to cope without losing heart - and I also hope that you are able to find some peace of mind as you write about your own experience. Nurses are heroes in my book - they didn't choose a wide and sunny path. They chose love and service.
posted by
Pat_B
on February 20, 2020 at 11:34 AM
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Re:
Thank you.
Writing 'I Remember Judy' was helpful for a while. Then the 'Photographs and Memories' part of it began to re-open old wounds. I'm hoping that writing 'Caregiver' will provide relief for those wounds.
posted by
BigV
on February 20, 2020 at 10:53 AM
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I have never been in your shoes, so I cannot even begin to understand the many different phases, dilemnas and emotions that you are processing. I do know that writing about these challenges and loss can be cathartic. I am sorry for your loss, and send my heartfelt condolences. Good luck to you with your book. I hope that you can finally feel peace and true happiness once again.
posted by
Sherri_G
on February 20, 2020 at 10:19 AM
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