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You make moon cheese plausible!
Some actual editorial critique: Explanation or justification needs to be presented very subtly not to be a distraction. The bit that nipped at me was in the first paragraph: "Ronnie (short for Veronica)" might have been more smoothly expressed, and even tell us something of her personality. For instance, "Veronica who always insisted on being called Ronnie..."
Not explaining things directly, though dropping clues here and there, is part of trusting the reader to make connections. I always appreciate that, as a reader. It is part of the fun of reading.
All that said, this could be the beginning of a really intriguing story!
posted by
Ciel
on May 18, 2016 at 7:21 AM
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I know there will be pickled onions, well they are really fungi but they taste like pickles. I think a part of an ancient sea is trapped just like an oil well. What luck it could have been oil and we have too much of that everywhere. 
posted by
C_C_T
on May 17, 2016 at 10:47 AM
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I knew it I always knew the Moon was made of cheese. I researched Naut's 101 book and it says that water draws the cheese from inside the Moons surface. Mind you it was Naut's 101 book.
posted by
Kabu
on May 17, 2016 at 9:18 AM
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Yes, I'd like to know what happens next also.
posted by
TAPS.
on May 17, 2016 at 7:28 AM
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Pat
Oh well - my mistake! I read it again, and found I had read 'there' for 'here'...Maybe I should take Remedial Reading 101, LOL...
posted by
Nautikos
on May 17, 2016 at 7:05 AM
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Pat
LOL, fascinating! But even in Sci-Fi we can't contradict basic physics - gravity is actually weaker on the Moon when compared to Earth...
posted by
Nautikos
on May 17, 2016 at 7:00 AM
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