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Charlie at 30 is a mature adult and I am sure that the two of you can talk this over and come to a decision that will work. And yes, you have to look after your own future. Money has a funny way of disappearing because of outside, ie World issues.
I really enjoyed Charlies writing too by the way. He oozes talent.
posted by
Kabu
on August 10, 2015 at 7:32 AM
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Re: Naut,
Actually, I don't think this is a matter of heart so much as of parenting, and no one opinion or perspective will make up my mind for me.
I think I failed to make the point I was trying for, in all this.
posted by
Ciel
on August 9, 2015 at 9:52 PM
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Re: Pat,
Yes, he is definitely part of this conversation. He gave me his initial thoughts on it, and is thinking it over further.
posted by
Ciel
on August 9, 2015 at 9:48 PM
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Ciel
When in the past people have asked me for advice involving a relationship, my answer has always been that I will not give advice 'in matters of the heart' on principle. Such relationships tend to be far too complex to be properly 'assessed' by outsiders, quite apart from the fact that one typically only gets to hear a one-sided account of the situation.
I first read your post yesterday and began to think about it, but then asked myself what could be more 'a matter of the heart' than the relationship between a mother and her son - and the answer forced me to decline offering advice, on principle...
posted by
Nautikos
on August 9, 2015 at 8:05 PM
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I can't bring myself to suggest which way to go by way of helping Charlie. I do wonder if he's ever shown any kind of preference. Have you asked him about it?
posted by
Pat_B
on August 9, 2015 at 10:21 AM
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Re: thanks, FSI!
From what he says, I think that is what he is thinking now, too. He really wants to assure his ability to pursue those dreams. He is looking into incorporating and setting up a crowd-funding thing, too. That costs money, as does getting his phone turned back on, a necessary tool for any business operation! The sooner he is able to go ahead with such things, the sooner the dreams begin to settle into the real world.
Looks like your dad has done well with your grandmother's boost: he started and stuck with it, and has made a success of it, by all I've read here in your blogging.
posted by
Ciel
on August 9, 2015 at 6:05 AM
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Re: CCT,
Thanks so much for your thoughts here!
In fact, I will be donating a like amount to my daughter in England for her Hollin Hall Farm Sanctuary, and gifting to my elder daughter for whatever cause she wants to apply it, as she is busy with so many things. Even if secrets could be kept, and history tells us they can't, I will happily share with them before I am off in the Universe giggling around the galaxies. But I am very aware that this is my whole retirement fund, too, and I don't want to ever go back to scraping and scrimping just to keep the roof overhead, and the lights on, and the larder stocked.
There is enough in case of moderately catastrophic events, if I keep my paws off principle.
posted by
Ciel
on August 9, 2015 at 5:57 AM
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It is wonderful how Charlie is a responsible young adult to where you can trust to provide him financial assistance.
What is going on right now with you hits close to home with me. My father's dream was to become a business owner. My grandmother helped bankroll that dream, giving him the money he needed to buy a car wash.
Because of that example, my inclination would be to earmark Charlie's dreams.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on August 9, 2015 at 5:48 AM
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Re: TAPS,
Your answer is the kind of wisdom I count on here: trusting that I will come up with the right answer, in which trust is the key. Both his dad and I are leaning in that direction, too. The kid, after all, is not a kid any more. He will be 30 in September!
posted by
Ciel
on August 9, 2015 at 5:46 AM
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Well as you can see, no one likes to make a wrong move. However looking at it dispassionately. There may be something you have overlooked, siblings . How well do you know your daughters? In my experience money wrecks many families. It sometimes is not the value of the cash but the perceived value that a parent feels for each one of her children. It is really illogical but can destroy relationships easily. Also one has to protect oneself from the possibility of medical care. What seems a little fortune today may not look so good in twenty years time. You will need accommodation, it is a pretty safe bet to own your property as one can take money from it in the future or even lease a room. If it were me and I know it will not make a bit of difference to what you decide.
I would be devious, I would gift Charlie whatever you feel you can afford, and that would have to suffice, but no way let his sisters know. What you do as you should do, make a Will, you can always leave the property and assets to whom you wish and always keep it secret. This may not be helpful but no one likes to destroy dreams.
posted by
C_C_T
on August 9, 2015 at 12:07 AM
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I read both your post and Charlie's site and I found both very interesting. It will be very interesting to follow up on both of you to see how this turns out. I do not, though, engage in If-I-were-you-I-would... scenarios, not even for my own children. You will come up with the right answer for yourself.
posted by
TAPS.
on August 8, 2015 at 8:13 PM
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