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Part of our culture is for the abused to defend the abuser,
to minimize the atrocity. We do it on so many levels, in so many circumstances! The abuser gives something in the relationship that the abused perceives as vitally necessary, and for the sake of that, is forgiven for his/her aberrations.
This is such a pervasive and much-hidden problem, so articulately expressed here in your post!
posted by
Ciel
on October 22, 2014 at 11:34 AM
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well said! 
posted by
Annicita
on October 19, 2014 at 6:44 PM
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Absolutely (library)
posted by
BC-A
on October 18, 2014 at 9:26 AM
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Re: Wiley
Thank you my dear friend.
posted by
Bel_Marshall
on October 16, 2014 at 9:17 AM
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Re: Kabu
I completely understand. I can still do the same thing. 
posted by
Bel_Marshall
on October 16, 2014 at 9:17 AM
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Re: CCT
AGREED!!!!!
posted by
Bel_Marshall
on October 16, 2014 at 9:16 AM
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Re: Bel
Naut,
I don't disagree with you on this. I, for one, would never be with anyone that expected me to leave the US to be with them. The Middle East has a very, very low opinion of women and life in general. There are many other cultures as well with similar views.
Even with Mimo there are cultural differences and he was born and raised in this country. He firmly believes it is his job to take care of me, protect, etc... I am not sure he would fare well if I made a larger income than him but those are differences I can live with.
But using the excuse "It's just the culture" as an excuse to abuse anyone when they were born and raised in the American culture is a lame excise and not one I will accept.
posted by
Bel_Marshall
on October 16, 2014 at 9:16 AM
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Bel
Great idea for a book Bel.
posted by
WileyJohn
on October 15, 2014 at 6:34 PM
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Bel
It's a very complex issue, and of course there are great differences between individuals within any culture - but we must not pretend there are no cultural differences. They do exist, and they extend into the relationship between the sexes, as any social scientist can easily demonstrate! You'd be shocked if you suddenly found yourself transported into, say, a Middle Eastern country...
posted by
Nautikos
on October 15, 2014 at 5:29 PM
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Oh well written and why do we take this abuse??? Damned if I know. I took it for 20 years, hid it much of the time. Not physical but verbal/ emotional...and even today it can be tough for Wiley, for I can withdraw and protect myself just because he wants to sort something out.
It is certainly across cultures and socio-economic sections of every place in the World. I am not surprised this girl used the old Cultural excuse,,,we come up with all sorts of excuses.
posted by
Kabu
on October 15, 2014 at 12:55 PM
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I really think girls should be taught the signs of aggressive behavior and to be aware of it in the early stages of any involvement. It is not hard to imagine that someone who shows these traits will eventually treat someone close to rough treatment.
posted by
C_C_T
on October 15, 2014 at 10:47 AM
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Re: FSI
I see it more as a choice. I know men who grew up with father's that hit women and they have made a conscious choice to NEVER put their hands on a woman or child.
posted by
Bel_Marshall
on October 15, 2014 at 9:24 AM
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You are absoloutely right that violence is not cultural but is instead inbred into people.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on October 15, 2014 at 9:18 AM
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Re: Pat
You had commented on that particular fairy tale and it really made me think about the message our children were getting. I see "chick flicks" that make me insane. "The Devil Wore Prada" a woman gives up her dream job because it might hurt her boyfriends feelings. "He's Just Not That Into You" a man marries a woman because it's what she wants not what they both want.
Of course the message so many teach their children "Bobby was mean to me on the playground"
"Oh honey that is just because he likes you". When do we offer both our boys and girls messages about treated each other with respect and kindness?
posted by
Bel_Marshall
on October 15, 2014 at 8:34 AM
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Wow! It's been so long since I wrote about Beauty and the Beast...
Guess I'd better be careful that what I write is useful & positive. I think your idea of a fairy tale for grownups is exciting. Go for it!!!
posted by
Pat_B
on October 15, 2014 at 8:30 AM
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