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posted by
Annicita
on July 19, 2014 at 2:23 AM
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The thing that will always grate on me is if someone says I know just how you feel when you know that they cannot possibly. I don't find that sort of statement here unless someone writes why they know how someone is feeling because they either have or are going through the same thing. This is a really nice place to be.
xx hugs.
posted by
Kabu
on July 17, 2014 at 7:07 PM
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You do a great job at analyzing both sides.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on July 17, 2014 at 5:36 PM
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Re: CCT,
It's a matter of balance, the giving and receiving thing. I think we should feel free to accept gifts, and also to give them. People who won't accept gifts don't understand how important it is to be received from. If I offer a gift, and it is rejected, I feel that what I offered wasn't considered good enough, or that my pleasure in giving it wasn't considered. Personally, I don't give gifts to get gifts. I give them hoping that the person I give them to will be happy to be thought of and valued, and will enjoy having and using it.
PS My birthday is coming up in October.
posted by
Ciel
on July 17, 2014 at 2:18 PM
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Re: JimmyA,
Actually, you are giving a more specific example of what I am talking about. Why do we offer comfort? To help someone feel better. What makes it patronizing? We are assuming they need our comfort to handle their disappointment. It really isn't any different from any other kind of unasked-for help.
I think of the scene in YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN when the Monster is climbing a tower and Dr. Frankenstein tries to help him in his obvious struggle... and someone says, "No! He wants to do it himself!" I wonder if he really does.
posted by
Ciel
on July 17, 2014 at 1:38 PM
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I understand what you're saying, but I've always held a different view of patronizing. For me, it more or less meant unintentionally belittling someone while simultaneously trying to comfort them because of an error or misjudgement. You know, someone doing something and coming up a little short, and you pat them on the back in a slightly demeaning manner and say something to the affect "You did your best! Better luck next time!" For some reason, I never considered trying to help someone who may or may not want or need that help as patronizing . . . 
posted by
JimmyA
on July 17, 2014 at 1:06 PM
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This is a bit of a mouthful to swallow Ciel. Perhaps some folk do not like to be helped because they fear it puts them in debt for some obscure reason. I admit I don't like like to receive gifts unless I can repay in kind, and yet I find it rather bewildering when someone refuses a gift. So there must be something twisted in my mind, I could probably source it out if I wished. It might be something to do with health biscuits which were given to the children during the war. Everyone had one every day, except me, it was a punishment by the teacher for taken an afternoon off to help my father when he had lumbago.
posted by
C_C_T
on July 17, 2014 at 8:40 AM
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