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Re: Re: Kabu,
One day I may send you a copy...but it is outdated now.
posted by
Kabu
on November 22, 2013 at 5:44 PM
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Re: Kabu,
I'd love to read your prize-winning play!
posted by
Ciel
on November 21, 2013 at 4:56 PM
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I like to shock the audience...my prize winning play shocked a few people, even caused a tear or two...but I am no poetry expert or anything expert for that matter so I would accept Charlie's decision...and i love your spoof on Troy. I thought that Brad Pitt was so bad in the movie '''like a sulky spoilt boy rather than a Man/ God...
posted by
Kabu
on November 20, 2013 at 3:48 PM
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Ciel
This seems quite a big thing love.
posted by
BC-A
on November 20, 2013 at 1:49 PM
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Re: FormerStudentIntern.
Thank you!
posted by
Ciel
on November 20, 2013 at 1:20 PM
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Re: CCT,
Did they not make you learn Homer's ILLIAD back when you were a tender tot in school? Perhaps more legend than myth, actually: the fall of Troy to the Greeks, amid many shenanigans and the renowned carpentry project: the Trojan Horse, and being wary of Greeks bearing gifts, and always look a gift horse in the mouth, down the throat and into the belly...
And what can anyone do with one sock, except store peanuts in it...?
posted by
Ciel
on November 20, 2013 at 1:19 PM
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Re: Naut,
I see what you mean about the modern-sounding colloquial terminology. To me, it gives a more interesting feel than trying to speak 'forsoothly' which often sounds forced and artificial, unless it's done exceptionally well. All these poems are tied together through the modern voice speaking the words, though Charlie doesn't need that particular thread. There are some expressions that are like nails on a chalkboard to my senses, but 'needless to say' isn't one that gets to me. That last line demanded a certain rhythm, and those words in fit both that and the dry detachment that is the connecting thread through the entire collection.
Thanks for taking the time to read and give a good critique! And I'm glad you liked TROY!
posted by
Ciel
on November 20, 2013 at 1:14 PM
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Re: Pat,
Thanks, this is a help.
I re-read again, and while the last line reflects the attitude of the speaker--a sort of dry irony or even a cynical detachment, which is a common thread through the series of poems--he doesn't need that voice, and the last line before it stands alone well enough after all.
posted by
Ciel
on November 20, 2013 at 1:00 PM
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An excellent poem about a great tale there.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on November 20, 2013 at 12:20 PM
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I like this poem of course I can only guess at the mythology
behind the writing. It seems vaguely familiar somehow.
I must however applaud you for the ladylike way in which
you explained the reason for emphasizing the do do's '
Oh, shit, Oh shit. See it does not sound too bad upon reflectiion.
I must admit you are quite talented before you sock me one.
posted by
C_C_T
on November 20, 2013 at 10:37 AM
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Ciel
Your poem will be a genuine contribution to the play! Incidentally, my reservation about ‘bullshit’ had nothing to do with its rudeness, but that to my ears it’s part of our contemporary colloquial idiom, and hence not quite in keeping with this ancient tale. But it does have the intended ‘shock value’, and in the end it doesn’t matter whether that shock is generated by its ‘rudeness’ or its linguistic ‘inappropriateness’, LOL...
As to the last line – yes, leaving it out is no loss - on the contrary! I must confess that I didn’t like it even upon reading it the first time. It’s simply that it irritates me a bit when people say, ‘Needless to say...’ and then say what they said didn’t need to be said, LOL...
And I do like your 'Troy' poem as well...
posted by
Nautikos
on November 20, 2013 at 9:44 AM
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Okay, the last line is good for the poem standing alone, but I can see why
he leaves it off in the play with all the other speeches that surround it.
As for the word 'shit' - it fits. Nobody who's ever shoveled it out of the barn after the morning milking or had to slop hogs would likely call it by a euphemism. "offal" "manure" "waste" Sorry, but they just don't evoke the sensation.
posted by
Pat_B
on November 20, 2013 at 8:06 AM
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