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With a single support for the child you have to strive to give him all the necessities
posted by
adventurer02
on July 20, 2015 at 4:32 AM
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Yes I am a single parent but the fact that I am raising a child
unpartnered and unsupported by the father should not mean that I am the one who is to blame solely. I think men who refuse to be responsible fathers have a lot to answer for. Being a father is more than just paying maintenance or not, or as in our case infrequently.
A father means building a connection with a child and caring about what happens to the child.Children don't grow by themselves. They need to be nurtured.
I have not made life for my family difficult as I have very little to do with them. I have tried to maintain my independence and cope. I do know that they would not help me and as evidenced by the fact that last year when I sent a small gift to my niece when she was suffering depression, I received a curt message from my brother about 'what do you want from our daughter and she is a very sick girl and doesn't need gifts from you nor to talk with you about anything..' Since then we have not spoken and I believe that precisely because I am a single parent they do not wish to have anything to do with me as I am somehow defective and should go out and get a husband, any sort of husband (which I am not prepared to do) to be a more 'healthy person' in their eyes. I prefer to be alone and independent rather than get myself in more mess with a man who may not treat my son like his own or who may be a less than perfect role model.
posted by
Norwood
on March 28, 2009 at 3:33 PM
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I understand and can relate.
I too am a single mother to two challanging children and have had many struggles and such.....things do get better...I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel months back and now I am working as well as achieveing my nvq 3 and I would never have thought that would be possible.....so stay positive I know its hard....but good things will happen to you if you keep on trying....
posted by
_Symphony_
on March 28, 2009 at 8:51 AM
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My father told that to my sister when she was complaining about her children. She had made life for all of the family very difficult. You need to find a support group and surround yourself with them. I think you may have found it here in blogit!
posted by
Annicita
on March 27, 2009 at 7:13 AM
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Norwood, I've only heard a bit about your planned novel, but it sounds fascinating! I hope you don't lose heart. At least here you have fellow writers who understand how easily the creative urge can be undermined by "well-meaning" relatives.
But that's the thing. They don't always mean well. Sometimes they mean to hurt and take away your power. I hope you find some peace, and some closure from that part of your relationship with your mother. It sounds like certain pieces were never in place, from the beginning.
Blessings. 
posted by
myrrhage
on March 27, 2009 at 5:11 AM
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Thank you for your support
at least on my blogit I do feel a bit more competent and a person as well as with my friends.
posted by
Norwood
on March 26, 2009 at 11:18 PM
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Yep I am keeping my distance for a while
as I have enough to deal with at the moment without dealing with her nasty jibes and putdowns. She is passive aggressive though and I will always come away feeling that "I am the one who is wrong or somehow lacking" because I am a 'a single mother' and we all know what they are like (tongue in cheek). Some of us are ok people and maybe our choice of life partners was not good and maybe we could have avoided it but maybe there is a lesson in it all.
posted by
Norwood
on March 26, 2009 at 11:17 PM
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Damn, that's rough
My mom was a single mother with four of us, so I know well the struggles and tribulations of living a life day-to-day without enough money to go around. It is a hard enough life without someone berating you in such a way as your mother is. Don't listen to her crap! It sounds like you're a much stronger and more independent person than she could ever hope to be!
posted by
calia14
on March 26, 2009 at 9:03 PM
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verbal abuse is still abuse.... you do not have to put up with it. Set a boundary with her... it will help both of you
posted by
riri0322
on March 26, 2009 at 11:14 AM
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I don't know how I did those last two comments. That was not what I intended to say/do. I wanted to say that I was blessed with the kind of mother that you have always wanted for yourself and I am so very thankful. I do, though, have an idea of what you are going through, because my mother-in-law was very much like what you are telling us here of your mother. I can well remember how I used to try to grit my teeth and be impassive at her verbal abuse.
posted by
TAPS.
on March 26, 2009 at 11:05 AM
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Re: Yes mal I know but it is hard
posted by
TAPS.
on March 26, 2009 at 11:01 AM
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Re: Yes mal I know but it is hard
posted by
TAPS.
on March 26, 2009 at 11:01 AM
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Yes mal I know but it is hard
and there is the story of the sage whose mother used to abuse him in front of his students and he was one of the most famous talmudic amorim of his time. I wish I could emulate his behaviour but she is so impossibly callous and rude and just ..... I get tense even ringing her and part of me hopes against hope that she will listen to me and just be nice and supportive but no such luck. It was obviously not my lot in life this time around to have a sweet and supportive mother.
posted by
Norwood
on March 26, 2009 at 7:12 AM
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Sometimes you just have to write a parent off. She obviously knows how to push your buttons and you know what to expect when you speak to her; the bible says, "honor your parents," but you are excused if they are abusive. Mal
posted by
gapcohen
on March 26, 2009 at 6:39 AM
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Sometimes you just have to write a parent off. She obviously knows how to push your buttons and you know what to expect when you speak to her; the bible says, "honor your parents," but you are excused if they are abusive. Mal
posted by
gapcohen
on March 26, 2009 at 6:39 AM
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