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Straightforward
Thanks...I think I've spent enough time worrying about it already.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on July 31, 2008 at 11:34 PM
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Sinome,
Yes, I know what happened. I was forced to make a choice by her(and her husband) about 7 years ago.
My choice was not well accepted by her, but she really put me in a position of missing one event of a lifetime, or another.
(this something did not need to be a choice between the two...but they, mostly her husband, made it into one...and I chose the best solution for my safety, someone else's safety and the situation at hand).
What friendship was left, has been dying since then...hell, even long before then, I think.
Even times before, when she came to visit...my daughter's father was here (and like I said, they work in the same building...have for years). It just seemed like they would talk more than I actually would get to talk with her.
If I am honest with myself...the friendship has been dying since shortly after I met my daughter's father....so I'd say it's been dying for at least 15 years...so the actual friendship lasted about 10...our lives changed and went in completely different directions...and had been fading ever since.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on July 31, 2008 at 11:33 PM
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Just do what you impulsively, these are not the things that we should labor
on, I think. If you feel like condoling, do so, don't think of the consequences of it.
posted by
Straightforward
on July 31, 2008 at 10:35 PM
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Sunny, if you do not feel comfortable sending something don't, but I think that a friendship that lasted all that time is worth trying to save. Do you even know what happened to cool it down? Did something happen between you two? L:ife is so short, and good friends are hard to find. If there is any chance that this girl could be again a good friend to you then I say, by all means, send at least a card and at best call her again and if you can not talk to her leave a message with your expression of sympathy. What have you got to lose?
posted by
Sinome
on July 31, 2008 at 10:31 PM
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posted by
Ciel
on July 31, 2008 at 8:44 PM
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Thank You, Ciel....
You have been a great help...and you are right... Why waste energy over this.
I'm going to let it go, thanks!
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on July 31, 2008 at 8:13 PM
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Other people's expectations are their problem, not yours.
If I were in this situation, I would simply let it go and forget about it. You can exhaust yourself trying to fulfill the expectations of those you care about, let alone those of people you don't.
Your true friends don't expect you to live up to their expectations.
posted by
Ciel
on July 31, 2008 at 5:01 PM
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Sam...silence, yes...I think you are right.
Whether silence or neglect, neither makes for a great friendship...thanks
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on July 31, 2008 at 3:43 PM
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Ciel
Troubled? To the best of my knowledge, she is not troubled about it...it's mostly like she closed the door and I am shut out.
She has plenty of friends without me....and I don't feel a need to have the friendship back, and I really don't want to be setting myself up for more pain.
Yes that was the main question...does she/anyone expect it from me.
I mean no contact for at least a year... I'm not delusional to think there is no longer a friendship of any proportion, am I?
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on July 31, 2008 at 3:42 PM
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One can't fight silence! You have done all you can in my humble opinion! sam
posted by
sam444
on July 31, 2008 at 2:24 PM
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Is part of the question whether she expects it of you?
I would think not... and if she does, under the circumstances, she is not being too realistic.
And what happens if she responds to you? Do you want to renew the relationship? Sending a card might suggest that you do. From what you said earlier, it doesn't sound like it.
If she is troubled by the situation with you, then getting a card may be no comfort.
posted by
Ciel
on July 31, 2008 at 2:10 PM
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Harderup....good point
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on July 31, 2008 at 10:19 AM
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Re: Harderup...I might...
Well, that is just the point. You would probably be touched that she made the effort. You would have known that she had not felt obligated
posted by
Lotus_Flower
on July 31, 2008 at 10:16 AM
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Harderup...I might...
But if I never bothered to tell her that my brother was sick (or husband's brother, which is the case), or that he died...how on earth could I even assume that she would know?
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on July 31, 2008 at 10:10 AM
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If it was the other way around...
If you had lost your brother, would you have appreciated a card from her?
If so, then send her a card. You seem like such a kind and friendly person, so I think that you may regret it if you don't.
posted by
Lotus_Flower
on July 31, 2008 at 10:04 AM
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lovelyladymonk
Oh, I wouldn't.
I sent a birthday card to her about two years ago...no response.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on July 31, 2008 at 9:57 AM
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cheugon
Interesting indeed.
You would think...if I wasn't "out of the picture" she would have mentioned something at some time.
We used to be so much alike. Now we are so different. She's married and is never having kids...I'm a single parent.
I know I haven't talked to her in forever, as she doesn't even know I don't have a car anymore...and I haven't since last September.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on July 31, 2008 at 9:56 AM
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Ciel
That would be the question, huh?
Truth is, I'm not sure. I care in a way, but in other ways I don't.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on July 31, 2008 at 9:52 AM
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Afzal
And is this a good thing or a hinderance? I just don't know!
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on July 31, 2008 at 9:51 AM
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Your are very kind , I know !
posted by
afzal50
on July 31, 2008 at 5:07 AM
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If you care, send the card. If you really don't--then don't.
posted by
Ciel
on July 30, 2008 at 8:16 PM
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Interesting how your ex is the only one who mentioned it...
...I would send a sympathy card, even if only to see what kind of response, if any, you get back.
You might be surprised. Good luck, whatever course you take.
posted by
metalrat
on July 30, 2008 at 8:07 PM
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Sunny,
If you feel you need to send a card, do so. I have to say though, try not to expect too much if anything at all in return...
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on July 30, 2008 at 6:32 PM
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