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vogue
A beautiful writing with a tinge of pathetic poignance in what it describes. You got thougtful comments that I read as well. Interesting feedbacks, I must say.
posted by
Bhaskar.ing
on April 28, 2008 at 6:24 AM
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vogue
Good post.....I'm afraid I don't have good feelings about the future for your friends or their children.....I hate to say that, but it's just all a bit much when added together. Maybe I'm just getting old and jaded....I genuinely hope that's the case. As to the question in your title.....I think whoever will nurture you and love you and take care of your needs for love and guidance - including discipline and seeing that you get the amount of sleep a growing body needs (!) - and stays in the role of adult and lets you be a kid, letting you depend on them and not depend on you....I think that is who is good for you.
posted by
Krisles
on April 27, 2008 at 8:09 PM
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Hmmm...some kinda situation...been there ~ honestly it may just all work out, but this statement: "Time and again she says: I'm young, I want to have some fun, but I can't because I am always dependant on the children." this one throws red flags to me...you see the children should be dependent on her not the other way around... maybe that is a problem?
I think if they tried a nanny now and then it would be great, but...having said that, I had a nanny x 5 for my last 2 children who were VERY active. and it was decided then, that I would stay at home and continue with the care of our little ones. It was not until they were in their teens that they could divulge to me stories of how 'mean' and 'odd' most of their nanny's were and this alarmed me. I'm glad I was able to stay at home and bring to their needs, "mothering" --- but, I'm old fashioned...(now adays, its not like years ago, but you really really have to screen individuals and the wealthier the more inclined i be, re: liability - re: background checks etc.)
Seriously, this is a difficult situation, being there is no help but, they can survive this. I pray they are committed to one another and as far as the surgery, well, that's her personal choice. I'm certain he does enjoy the 'fresh' new look. 
and she probably enjoys it too. I don't read into it that she may be ready to burst out. I pray for this couple frankly. I feel empathy but, seeing the big picture, of marriage then onto parenting ~ responsibility is a big bundle. Good post Vogue ~ got me to thinking (too much looks like) 
Elyse
posted by
elysianfields
on April 27, 2008 at 7:51 PM
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Maybe
her husband should help a little more, lol. I wouldn't have a nanny if I could afford one. The children won't be small for long. It goes by oh so quickly.
posted by
Tuscaloosa
on April 27, 2008 at 4:19 PM
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Very interesting and kind of sad..
I hope Love will prevail.
posted by
Katray2
on April 27, 2008 at 3:25 PM
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Re: vogue
Thank you all so much for your comments. It is no doubt a difficult situation, but I think they should at least give a temporary nanny a try.
posted by
vogue
on April 27, 2008 at 2:30 PM
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vogue
If money is of no concern, it sounds like a reasonable thing to do. That being said, even a nanny that came in a couple of times a week and perhaps an evening here and there (so they could go out and enjoy themselves without worry) would probably be ample. Tending to the needs of young children does, unfortunately, leaves little time for nurturing a marriage so it sounds like they need to strike a balance.
posted by
Troosha
on April 27, 2008 at 1:35 PM
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vogue
As someone who was 'nannied' at times, I can only say that it's very difficult to decide these things 'on principle'. Good nannies can be very good for everyone concerned, bad ones can be disastrous - I've had experience with both...
posted by
Nautikos
on April 27, 2008 at 12:03 PM
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Sounds like she could use that nanny from the television show........(here.my daughter says it's SUPERNANNY or NANNY911) Definitely needs SOME kinds of help and I hope she gets it...or else it's D I V O R C E...........and the kids end up being collateral damage of their parent's mess. (I should know.)
posted by
ZenMom
on April 27, 2008 at 11:15 AM
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I think a nanny would be great for them..for me though I think it like it best when my daughter looks up and says "I love you mom" just on the fact that we had spent the day hanging out with the horses..great questions though
posted by
Wigopa_
on April 27, 2008 at 11:12 AM
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I agree that a nanny would be beneficial. I think I need one too. from my
to your
.
posted by
cmhnord
on April 27, 2008 at 11:09 AM
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They could also just hire a nanny for when they want to go out or for when they have people over. A friend of mine often brings the babysitter to functions, so that she and her husband can talk to adults.
posted by
jmh256
on April 27, 2008 at 11:07 AM
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I agree vogue - if they have the financial means, they should
definitely hire a nanny. If the mother is anything like most stay-at-home moms, she spends most of her time doing busy work and not giving her kids "quality time", as evidenced by the children's hunger for attention all the time. She would be less resentful of them and maybe even enjoy them more if she had a nanny to help her out. As for the nanny raising her children - the mother sets the rules the nanny is obliged to follow. Great post
posted by
VictoriaP
on April 27, 2008 at 10:53 AM
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Re:
Very good point sam. A nanny to teach her how to be a parent! Wise words.
posted by
vogue
on April 27, 2008 at 10:41 AM
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I think the kids need some boundaries. The incidents you describe sent chills of horror down my spine. She needs a nanny to teach her how to be a parent. Kids up until midnight is not healthy for them. I can appreciate her wanting to have fun, but the children must come first, it is the only way to raise healthy young adults. Just my own personal feelings but I raised three and I wanted to do things as well but they My kids) just needed me more than my personal fun which I loving gave up! sam
posted by
sam444
on April 27, 2008 at 10:29 AM
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