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Re: Azur
It would be like déjà vu. Or Azur vu. Take as many vus... ah, views as you like.
Sometimes less is more.
posted by
CunningLinguist
on February 16, 2008 at 4:12 PM
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First reading
- i may say more later or not ;-)
posted by
Azur
on February 16, 2008 at 3:39 PM
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Re: jfm32
I do appreciate the constructive criticism. Thank you very much for taking the time to go over the things you think I need to improve on. I'm a work in progress, no doubt.
posted by
CunningLinguist
on February 16, 2008 at 11:06 AM
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Got big problems at initial ouset
Read 1st 3 lines, and saw you weren't going to bring me into anything
(i might be looking for). Seemed to me all you wanted to do is complain about something (and what else but your relationship with the Universe).
If you can't engage me in your 1st 3 lines, for me, the poem isn't worth reading, and I put it down. Because all you are going to do is to say the same thing over and over.
If you have an original thought, put it out in your 1st 2 lines and startle me! All I ask of a poem is, "BRING ME INTO IT!" otherwise, how can it mean anything to me? You are more interested in you, and you would like me to be part of that, but you haven't given me any way how to do that, nor be part of it (and get me in the first 3 line, please!)
Maybe i just startled you as much as I startled myself, becuase I believe the process or writing can only lead to ourselves. It's kind of a vision that does not exactly wrap around the vision we know. But it's a way that informs our own voice of how we really want to relate.
I didn't mean to be a taskmaster, here, but to encourage you to write, because that first step takes a lot of guts. On the other hand, once you are into the music, where will you find your own melodies?
If I can help you in any way, you can email me thru blogit.
posted by
jfm32
on February 16, 2008 at 10:47 AM
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Re: sam444
Thanks. Coming from you that means a lot. I really appreciate it.
posted by
CunningLinguist
on February 16, 2008 at 10:38 AM
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First, an awesome poem. It is so filled with action, realization, scolding, thought provoking and the list goes on. I read it twice, each with a different cadence. I just like this one tremendously! sam
posted by
sam444
on February 16, 2008 at 10:02 AM
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