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Re: at risk of being too traditional, here is a small fix suggestion
laydi daydi Good morning to you.
Yes. There is an "unnatural" sense of rhythm and timing. It was chosen for effect. Very perceptive. joab
posted by
joab1
on November 28, 2007 at 5:31 AM
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Re: Amazing...
teddypoet . . . good morning.
Thank you! joab
posted by
joab1
on November 28, 2007 at 5:19 AM
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Amazing...
posted by
teddypoet_TheGoodByeFade
on November 27, 2007 at 11:01 PM
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at risk of being too traditional, here is a small fix suggestion
"lethal
hurled // [// to show new line follows] insult;"
METHINKS U do not need both "lethal" and "hurled" with "insult." And insult needs to be on the same line; a natural puase for the reader...unnatural puases usually work when we follow a strict rhyme schme/pattern. I hope u see my point; better yet, ignore it. Your message speaks beautifully for itself. Shalom
posted by
ILLUMINATI8
on November 27, 2007 at 5:41 PM
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posted by
star4sky5
on November 27, 2007 at 5:40 PM
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Re: MEN OF "PEACE"
afzal -- thank you. Your expressed perception is much appreciated.
joab
posted by
joab1
on November 27, 2007 at 5:30 PM
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Re: An appropriate piece when "peace" is being made piecemeal in Annapolis NOW
A poem is
forever a work in progress. Please feel free; I am complimented. joab
posted by
joab1
on November 27, 2007 at 5:27 PM
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posted by
afzal50
on November 27, 2007 at 5:08 PM
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An appropriate piece when "peace" is being made piecemeal in Annapolis NOW
well done--I sense your powerful emotional and spiritual investment in peacefulness; I will have suggestions for making some lines "stronger" [subjective, of course] if you will allow me. I loved this line among several others:
"Who are these men of peace to claim that
banner of virtue, by virtue of past killings?"
posted by
ILLUMINATI8
on November 27, 2007 at 4:25 PM
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Re: joab1
send it to someone go ahead I don't mind / spinner P.S. just remember where it come from haha. You deserve the credit, I just want to forward it on. Thanks for the permit.
joab
posted by
joab1
on November 27, 2007 at 3:21 PM
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Re: MEN OF "PEACE"
Soul Builder . . . your observations are always appreciated.
joab
posted by
joab1
on November 27, 2007 at 3:19 PM
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Re: INTERESTING WRITE!! SAM
SAM -- much appreciated. joab
posted by
joab1
on November 27, 2007 at 3:17 PM
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posted by
Soul_Builder101
on November 27, 2007 at 3:05 PM
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INTERESTING WRITE!! SAM
posted by
sam444
on November 27, 2007 at 2:54 PM
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joab1
send it to someone go ahead I don't mind / spinner P.S. just remember where it come from haha
posted by
spinner
on November 27, 2007 at 2:54 PM
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Re: Joab1 hmmmm
Justi . . . I as well. joab
posted by
joab1
on November 27, 2007 at 2:42 PM
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Joab1 hmmmm
posted by
Justi
on November 27, 2007 at 2:27 PM
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