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Jade
what a great answer! Thank you!!!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 14, 2007 at 8:59 AM
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He's wrong.
I definitely enjoy sex, and I would never use it to get something material, like a diamond necklace, or to get a promotion at work, etc. However, if a man does something that pisses me off, then I won't sleep with him, and it's not necessarily because I want to punish him. If I'm mad at him, then I'm not going to be in the mood. Plain and simple. Typically, my mood will improve after a day or so, as long as he didn't do something too horrendous, so he doesn't necessarily have to do anything special as long as he's willing to do without for 24 to 48 hours. If he can't last that long and tries to make up for whatever he did, my mood will probably improve, which means that I would then want sex because I was no longer mad. Perhaps that could be construed as manipulative, but I don't do it consciously. As a matter of fact, I had no idea I was even doing it until I took a second to think before writing this response!
posted by
Jadelynn
on January 14, 2007 at 8:54 AM
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Bel
I had the upper hand on the person who did it to me, because I didn't want him around anyway. LOL
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on January 13, 2007 at 10:35 AM
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LOL Sunny
Carl tries to threaten me with that, but he doesn't live up to it very well!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 10:33 AM
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Bel
It's false...men and women are different and have different needs, often at different times.
I think some of todays men are catching up with the times, but in the past, when women started working, plus doing all of the childrearing, housework, etc.
It's all too stressful, so of course women would be tired, and mostly they still are today, so if they are not "eager" to jump in bed, men take that as they don't want it.
I can also say that their "are" women who use sex to get what they want from someone. Men also can use things like withholding sex or even affection (yes, it's true, I've experienced it personally) to try to get what they want.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on January 13, 2007 at 10:28 AM
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Troosha
I am pretty much of the same opinion. Thanks so much!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 9:40 AM
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Bel
I'm with Taps - it depends on a myriad of things; timing, the mood, the relationship, the man, the sense of well-being and love between the man and the woman. I think women have a sexual appetite equal to (if not more) than a man. Men sometimes just don't know how to tap into it.
posted by
Troosha
on January 13, 2007 at 9:38 AM
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Taps
Thank you so much!!!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 9:37 AM
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Bel
That's the trouble with generalizing. You just can't. Of course, there are some women who do and other's who don't. It all depends on the perspective and mood of the man that determines which it is, not the woman.
posted by
TAPS.
on January 13, 2007 at 9:25 AM
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LOl Pat
Thank you!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 8:46 AM
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Men like to think that's true...
and they (generalization=lie?) don't want to face the idea that men get to the point in a couple minutes, and women like sexual encounters to last longer than they're trained to maintain. And the concept of the second coming is sometimes lost on them, and the opposite is true of most women. Based on non-scientific surveys, alcohol-fogged gripe sessions, and blushing revelations.
posted by
Pat_B
on January 13, 2007 at 8:09 AM
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Joe
Actually, it is an article that states the opinions of others. Basically, collect data and explain what I came up with. Between the answers here and from some other friends, I have some pretty interesting stuff. I am not looking to offend either male or female and hopefully I will address in that manner.
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 7:06 AM
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I think women like sex. But, I also think
they won't hesitate using it in a relationship to gain power over their spouses.
That being said, may I suggest you be very careful in the writing of your article. It may be a subject that could alienate some of your readers.
posted by
Joe_Love
on January 13, 2007 at 7:03 AM
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OOOOOOOOO Onetimeagain
EXCELLENT point!!!!!!! I had not thought about that.
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 6:44 AM
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Can you stand one more?
just a quick memory came to mind..I was at the gym when a fellow asked me this very question.. do women use sex..my assertion was yes.. but so do men. For example.. if I ask my partner to.. mow the grass and he says.. well... if you will have sex with me.. sure. This fellow said it wasn't the same thing.. but I assert it is exactly the same thing. ..Ahh the games we play.
As so many have commented.. women (and men) have sex for many reasons..most importantly for the pure pleasure.
posted by
Blue_feathers
on January 13, 2007 at 6:41 AM
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Ahhhhhhhhh Presley
Now you lead me into a second part of the question! This is my own take on it. Most women equate sex with love but we also know that men like it a great deal even if it doesn't always involve love. I know women who will cut a man off because he didn't take out the trash to me that has always been like cutting your nose off to spite your face...if he isn't getting it; neither am I and after a year with Carl gone my BOB just doesn't hold much appeal these days LOL!
ANYWAY, I disgress as usual. Is sex primarily emotional for women and physical for men or it is a combination of the two for one or the other or both? Hmmmmmmm? I wonder if I can get a job doing research for Masters And Johnson or the Kinsey Institute LOL!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 6:30 AM
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Bel
Ooooh, that's a tough question! My gut tells me that most women DO NOT use sex to get what they want in terms of materialistic things. However, I've known many women who use sex to get what they want emotionally. Example..."If I keep putting out for my boyfriend or lover he'll fall in love with me and connect with me at a higher level." Does that make sense?
posted by
Presley
on January 13, 2007 at 6:18 AM
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Katray
good answer, thank you so much!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 6:03 AM
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Talion
what a wonderful answer! thank you so much.
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 5:58 AM
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Rich
thank you so much.
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 5:51 AM
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Spitfire
I had the same problem with zoloft and a couple of others like it. LOL! I changed doctors when I was told that it wasn't a problem!
Thanks so much!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 5:51 AM
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Avant
I have a different opinion of this particular man...I have seen how he deals with women, I suspect he is a large part of the problem.
thanks so much!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 5:49 AM
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bel
I would daresay that this person has allowed himself to be used. He's bitter and projecting his anger. Not all men see women this way. I certainly don't.
posted by
avant-garde
on January 13, 2007 at 2:41 AM
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Bel, FALSE FALSE FALSE!!
At least for many women, I think!! I must admit, years ago, I was put on this anti-depressant, Zoloft that completely illiminated any libido I had whatsoever. (I got off of that Rx BUT QUICK!!
) Otherwise, I think it is a personal/personality/age thang for woman. The reason I say the "personality" part is due to that I think some woman crave it for different reasons. Some "hold out" on their significant others for reasons other than physical ones.
posted by
SpitFire70
on January 13, 2007 at 12:29 AM
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bel,
I think a woman needs love more than sex ( of couse, she needs sex,too ) But if there is love plus sex all in one go, then that would be better than sex without love ( which is sexual gratification ). It all depends on what the woman wants.
posted by
richinstore
on January 13, 2007 at 12:15 AM
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bel_1965
Overall, this is a stupid statement made by a man who's obviously had bad experiences with women. Anyone who knows the basics of female anatomy knows women enjoy sex. Case closed. Debate over. However, what is debatable is society's attitudes concerning women and sex. Too often, even in this day and age, there's a double standard. Men can want sex all the time, all day everyday and nothing is said about it. Such a position (no pun intended) is not only accepted, applauded, but also expected. However, for a woman, enjoyment of sex somehow directly corresponds with morality.
Women who like sex too much are sluts. Such behavior is not indicative of ladies, etc. Both genders embracing these foolish notions gives way to game playing and the situations where sex can become a bargaining chip. In order for the woman to maintain her status as a "lady," she presents a series of hoops for a man to jump through before sleeping with him.
Buy me this, buy me that, hold me, say you love me, etc. If a man too anxiously complies, as the "relationship" continues, sex can easily become a reward for "good deeds" while witholding it becomes punishment for bad ones. Manipulation at its finest. This results in the bitterness expressed by the man you mentioned,
women use sex to get what they want. The bitter female version is
all men only want one thing. The secret to avoiding such poisonous relationships is having a positive self image. Sexuality is extremely important, but should be only one aspect of a person's (both male and female) self-worth, not the entire foundation.
posted by
Talion
on January 12, 2007 at 11:23 PM
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Very interesting Bel
"to get what they want"....such as orgasms, which are very nice, (
) but I think emotional closeness to a beloved ranks just as high, maybe higher, for quite a few women. I believe he is wrong - many women do enjoy the release and bonding of the act. Of course, for some it is about the physical pleasure only and there are those females who truly don't enjoy it but engage for other reasons - economic, job advancement, manipulation. And those who enjoy it
and use it to get what they want in other areas. For the majority of our gender, again I say Wrong! My opinion.
posted by
Katray2
on January 12, 2007 at 10:27 PM
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Blackpearl
Thank you so very much!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 12, 2007 at 8:50 PM
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Wow, bel,
What a good post. I can tell by some of the comments that you have plenty of input. I'll just chime in by affirming with the others here that of course women do enjoy sex.
Like some others have said here, the level of enjoyment depends on how well our needs are met, and of course depends on what those needs happen to be at the time. Sometimes it is a purely physical need, other times, it's an emotional need. Sometimes, it's a mixture of both.
In the past generations, I believe women were less inclined to express their needs for any type of fulfillment, and just had sex as a sort of wifely or procreational duty. As time went on, though, we became less inhibited about actually looking forward to and enjoying sex, and admitting it. Just my thoughts. Thanks. :)
posted by
BlackPearl1
on January 12, 2007 at 7:59 PM
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LOL Blackcat
good answer!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 12, 2007 at 7:34 PM
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men and women just have different views of what "enjoying sex" means.
Men think that women don't enjoy sex because they don't necessarily want 2 minutes of nothing every hour on the hour. Plus, they do actually think about other things. LOL
posted by
-blackcat
on January 12, 2007 at 7:14 PM
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LOL Maggie
It always seemed like cutting my nose off to spite my face when I hold out.
posted by
bel_1965
on January 12, 2007 at 6:51 PM
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bel....
Of course, women like sex, if it's done right. Like Corbin said, it can't be one-sided. Sometimes I guess women use it to get what they want, but I never had to. 
Of all my relations, I like sex best! hahaha
posted by
MaggieMae
on January 12, 2007 at 6:50 PM
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Bel, I'm sure you'll have collected enough by the time I think and tell.
Ok lemme try. There is a whole lot of difference between the wanting of sex, and the needs of men and women. Women, when they need, don't want, and men want sex when they don't need! How philosophical!!Hmm. Hunnh, ain't it?
posted by
Bhaskar.ing
on January 12, 2007 at 6:35 PM
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thank you Solo!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 12, 2007 at 6:31 PM
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Corbin
you are not only a gentleman but a damn smart one too!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 12, 2007 at 6:30 PM
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I am sure that women like sex......some can be manipulative....there plenty of them out there.
But for a women to have the chance to like....to enjoy their sex, men have to be considerate enough to care about they're needs and demonstrate that consideration by providing something more than....Wham, Bham, Thank you, Ma'am. "Gone in 30 seconds" doesn't provide that fulfillment.....
posted by
Corbin_Dallas
on January 12, 2007 at 6:28 PM
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As far as I know, that is an accusation and entirely untrue. Who wants to try being nice and mean at the same time and still expect the relationship to reach the desired goal? A woman probably does not enjoy the clumsy overtures of an insincere suitor, but she does not know his intentions until he becomes the disappointment he set out to be.
Love and security, a part of the marital relationship, are keys to enjoying physical intimacy, but men are obviously too stupid to see that fact right away. And doing things right is one way of doing them.
posted by
Jenasis
on January 12, 2007 at 6:28 PM
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How about a short answer for my data Bhas?
posted by
bel_1965
on January 12, 2007 at 6:27 PM
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Bel, I could send you a volume on it. Voluminous thoughts, I mean.
posted by
Bhaskar.ing
on January 12, 2007 at 6:27 PM
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cluck, cluck, cluck
posted by
shelly_b
on January 12, 2007 at 6:26 PM
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ROFLMAO Offbeats!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 12, 2007 at 6:26 PM
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LOL Offbeats
posted by
bel_1965
on January 12, 2007 at 6:25 PM
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Chicken Shelly!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 12, 2007 at 6:25 PM
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thanks Ariala!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 12, 2007 at 6:24 PM
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bel I have one more thing to add
If women didn't like sex and only used it to get what they wanted well....what have my TOYS been wanting for the last 3 years?
posted by
Offy
on January 12, 2007 at 6:24 PM
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bel....I really really really like sex.
It would be nice to experience it again..
posted by
Offy
on January 12, 2007 at 6:23 PM
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Corbin
NO, I want male opinions too. The statement was made by a man so I want to know what others think.
posted by
bel_1965
on January 12, 2007 at 6:21 PM
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pass
posted by
shelly_b
on January 12, 2007 at 6:18 PM
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Uhhhhhh?
Is that a women only question?????
posted by
Corbin_Dallas
on January 12, 2007 at 6:18 PM
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That's DEFINITELY not the case...I think whomever said that was probably
involved with one too many manipulative women who used sex as a tool to get what they wanted. These women may truly not have enjoyed sex. For all we know they were with a man who knew nothing about pleasing a woman.
posted by
Ariala
on January 12, 2007 at 6:16 PM
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