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this is a beautiful post...
and very well written. I'm sorry for your sister's loss. Best of luck.
posted by
UsualSuspect
on November 29, 2005 at 5:52 AM
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Ciel,
Your thoughts and feelings about grieving for a dearly departed is very profound 
. Something I had to face when losing my dear father to the Other Side. He's a remarkable young man at only 48. During his funeral, people who loved him are in tears except me. I had intellectualized/spiritualized his departure that I appeared cold and unfeeling, which I was told later. But no one sees the pain in my heart or my tear-soaked pillow. No matter how much one denies or intellectualise, grief will always be there. So, it is only wise to let it out. Bless you all.
posted by
snowraccoon
on November 29, 2005 at 3:40 AM
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Ya, death is hard on me too.
posted by
Bud-Oracle
on November 28, 2005 at 9:22 PM
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Ciel,
This re-affirms for me something I needed to hear. My mother's husband, my stepfather, died last month, and all I can do is try to be there for her. It's hard to witness pain, and not try to interfere or make it right, but the bravest souls are the one who can witness pain, and not turn away or stop it artificially.
posted by
Blanche.
on November 28, 2005 at 9:16 PM
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Sannhet, A-G, everyone, thanks for your supportive thoughts & energy--
There are so many layers to this kind of situation, and the blessing of friends is part of it.
posted by
Ciel
on November 28, 2005 at 9:03 PM
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RckyMtActivist, thanks--
Considering your interest in the Rockies, you may have known him, or of him-- Randy Jones was superintendant of Rocky Mt National Park for several years until 2002. He was always active in the fight to preserve the wilderness areas of the US, and spent years showing congressmen the Alaska wilderness, and helped get the Wilderness Act passed.
posted by
Ciel
on November 28, 2005 at 1:37 PM
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Ciel
Words are not needed now. You have evaluated this correctly. When my dad died, I didn't want to hear words. The ones who hugged me spoke volumes more than the ones who had the sincerest words to say.
posted by
avant-garde
on November 28, 2005 at 11:52 AM
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Ciel -
I'm praying for you and your family. And I think your choice is right. Cry with them, experience the loss with them, and comfort them. Then healing will come.
posted by
sannhet
on November 28, 2005 at 7:53 AM
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Ciel...
The loss of a loved one is the greatest pain we can bear regardless of what we believe. So sorry and Blessings to you and your family.
posted by
RckyMtnActivist
on November 28, 2005 at 6:25 AM
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kind of like the myth of Demeter and Persephone too....
posted by
Jomei
on November 27, 2005 at 3:27 PM
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Jomei, that's a lovely way to put it--letting your soul breathe in &out...
I spoke to my Mom yesterday, and we cried together some. I let her know I understand how it is to be a mother witnessing her child's heartbreak. There is no one else in the family who knows that, as my sister never wanted or had kids. It is a thing one can theorize, but until you have lived it, you don't know it. My stepmother has had a lonely time of it, throughout her life, and while there are bonds between her and her daughter that will never exist between us, this is one we can share, and reaffirms the particular bond between us.
posted by
Ciel
on November 27, 2005 at 3:17 PM
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Very soulful advice here, Ciel
I do agree with you that sometimes we deprive others of experiencing the depth of their nature by trying to make it all alright for them. Indeed, I believe the most respectful relationships are the ones where both parties can be present for one another, yet realizing that they can never walk in the shoes of the other. It is important to have a companion sometimes, yet one who lets your soul breathe in and out.
posted by
Jomei
on November 26, 2005 at 7:28 PM
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Thank you, LovelyLady-- I appreciate it very much.
posted by
Ciel
on November 26, 2005 at 2:27 PM
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Ciel,
I'm sorry not to have stopped by in such a long time. I am so very sorry for your sister's loss. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you.
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on November 26, 2005 at 12:22 PM
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