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Norseman,
I have always felt that rudeness was a result of insecurity. It is often called a result of egotism, but to me egotism is another product of that same insecurity. Insecurity is just another word for a lack of self-esteem, or a sense of inadequacy.
Rudeness and egotism are both defense mechanisms that are erected to protect oneself when the sense of inadequacy is felt. They defend the inadequate-feeling person against facing his own, imagined, inadequacies, and his fear that those inadequacies will be discovered by others. It's simply a defensive shell.
JJ
posted by
Jack_Flash
on May 4, 2005 at 2:21 AM
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"Rudeness is the small mind's imitation of power."
I don't know where the quote originated, but I like it.
posted by
Ciel
on May 3, 2005 at 11:36 PM
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Justsouno...that was a great answer! Thank you.
posted by
A_Norseman
on May 3, 2005 at 10:07 PM
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Such an interesting subject Alf.
I agree with you that I don't buy into it for myself. I do have a theory about why people are rude. They are afraid. They feel they should get the other person before they get them. One small part of the pattern.
Many on here have a part of the answer I believe it is much more complex than one thing. Yes I believe people in a constant relationship of love and lovemaking are calmer. I don't think the absence of shuch gives one excuse for rudeness. I believe it is as one said a self esteem issue. " So you may think you are better than me, get this, you are a &%$>#@! So you happy now?" Still none of this gives excuse. Bad manners is all that gives permission to anyone who is rude. They are ill bread. You see it on here. There are some Blog names that reek of rudeness to the core.
It is a lack of self control too. i.e. If my husband and I are in an argument and someone comes by for a visit, we would shelve the argument until they left. It is not their problem. They should not have to be treated with short answers, rude looks etc., People who are rude are not bold enought to be honest.
I am sorry I don't like rude behavior. I really won't say rude people because most people are not their behavior, although some have become their behavior.
Sorry I took so much space. 
posted by
Justi
on May 3, 2005 at 6:39 PM
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Ukie...While I agree with your premise, and think that can be a true
statement as it pertains to customs...I think there are some customs that transcend all customs and would be rude anywhere. Do you agree with that?
posted by
A_Norseman
on May 3, 2005 at 6:06 PM
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Limey...A predictably juvenile response that has no basis in fact
from yet another rude person.
posted by
A_Norseman
on May 3, 2005 at 6:04 PM
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Hollee...
I agree totally. Thank you.
posted by
A_Norseman
on May 3, 2005 at 6:03 PM
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Orca belle...I am a great advocate of
Kindness killing. Thank you.
posted by
A_Norseman
on May 3, 2005 at 6:02 PM
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Talion...I too, have been
misjudged a few times as being standoffish, or rude. I am an observer of people, I just stand around thinking sometimes and I have to pay attention to what expression I am wearing so I don't make everybody think I am pissed off. Thanks for your comments.
posted by
A_Norseman
on May 3, 2005 at 6:01 PM
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Entrepenuar maker...Good for you, I wish everyone was able to
discern their faults and make adjustments. An admirable quality indeed.
posted by
A_Norseman
on May 3, 2005 at 5:59 PM
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Quirky...Yes, rudeness conversions...
Yet another term coined by yours truly. Thanks for reading.
posted by
A_Norseman
on May 3, 2005 at 5:57 PM
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Passionflower...I like the way you think!
posted by
A_Norseman
on May 3, 2005 at 5:56 PM
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It can be:
a cultural thing...alot of things that are customary, are condiered rude and offensive to another.
posted by
QuailNest
on May 3, 2005 at 2:23 PM
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Norseman
Many are simply born rude: mostly Americans!
posted by
Limey
on May 3, 2005 at 1:11 PM
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Alf - I think some people associate rudeness with being too cool
or too smart for the masses. In my opinion--there's no excuse for it.
posted by
Hollee
on May 1, 2005 at 7:29 AM
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This is a very interesting subject. I believe that people are rude because they are generally unhappy inside, or perhaps it is some sort of defense mechanism. Rude people used to make me very angry, but then I have come to realize there is a reason for their behavior. I've found that "killing them with kindness" sometimes works as far as "breaking through their rudeness barrier." I once asked a rude person, "why are you so rude?" And it was just so funny seeing her speechless. She walked away from me, but I hope it made her think a little bit.
posted by
Orca_Belle
on April 29, 2005 at 11:48 PM
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A_Norseman
I've noticed that rudeness usually occurs between strangers (if the parties know each other, there's usually some other reason for "attitudes"). It's much easier to be rude to someone you've never seen before and assume you'll never see again. True rudeness is also situational. People have bad days, are under stress, become frustrated, etc. and their inability to handle it properly leads to "rude" behavior: terse replies, impatience, overall unfriendliness. That's no excuse, but at least it's understandable (hell, almost all have been at the end of their rope when some dummy shows up with "stupid" requests). Chances are, if you catch these same people at a different time, they may not be rude at all. Sometimes reactions are misinterpreted as rudeness. Some people simply aren't charasmatic. In their minds, they may be friendly, but it comes across all wrong. I've always been the quiet type and there are times when my lack of enthusiasm in social situations is mistaken for rudeness. As I get older, I'm a lot more outgoing so it rarely happens now, but this was a constant problem for me at one time. Though I never tried to be rude, I must admit, I didn't try very hard to be friendly either. It's often hard to distinguish the difference (if in fact there is one). As far as the people who are rude to everybody all the time, as others have stated, it's self-esteem issues. Like a bully in the schoolyard, it's a classic case of overcompensation. If they can somehow show everybody how "tough" they are, maybe no one will notice how weak they actually feel.
posted by
Talion
on April 29, 2005 at 12:26 PM
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I know for me
that i have exhibted those tendencies and have worked hard to overcome them. I can tell you that for me its a truly hurt and damaged core. I don't like being the way you describe and in years past I was. (note was).
I try to be as polite to everyone that I can.
I can only conclude maybe their hurting, upset, have a problem, dunno.
posted by
Entrepreneur_Maker
on April 29, 2005 at 10:04 AM
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A rudeness conversion...that's very interesting.
Rudeness probably stems from a lot of different causes, but typically I'd say it involved some sort of self esteem issue. For those who don't feel good about themselves, being rude to others makes them feel better about themselves.
posted by
Julia.
on April 29, 2005 at 9:44 AM
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You ask some really tough questions.
There are a variety of ways people become 'rude.' My flippant, cute answer is that they simply are not getting enough. People do tend to be nicer if they're getting laid regularly though.
I think most rudeness stems from a person's own weak character. Some folks (men usually) have such a high opinion of themselves that they look down their noses at 'lesser beings' who might want a small piece of their time.
Ego in this case, and probably many others, is the culprit.
posted by
Passionflower
on April 29, 2005 at 9:37 AM
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