The Darwin Diaries

Sunday, April 6, 2008

PMS Alert... Stand Back!

I have a frozen Boston Market Meatloaf, A stouffers Potato Cheddar Bake, donuts, a jar of marachino cherries and I'm not afraid to eat them. that is all. Sign in to see full entry.

Playboy, Here I Come!

So I read this book called 'Skinny Bitch' and it's pretty much endorsement for the Vegan lifestyle. While it makes some outstanding points on the benefits of not eating meat, I know I can never give up my fried, dead baby cow or chicken abortions with pig fat. As for dairy? Well, I'm a cheese whore... Sign in to see full entry.

So now that I seem to have gotten over the creeping crud (finally!!), I have been taking care this past week to get back on my regimen of exercise. After a month and a half of not being able to do much more than lift a shot of Nyquil and frequent mad dashes to the bathroom, it’s been difficult to... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

I"m drunk

Hubby siaid I could go get myself a botlle of Meot Chandon so I got two. note to self: not brilliamt or witty wehn dringing. Giood ni thg! i'm gonna go o bes/ (id I can find thnat damn. periond!) Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, April 4, 2008

The Creeping Lung Crud

Because I haven’t suffered enough indignities the past month, I am now an official carrier of the Creeping Lung Crud. What started as a mild head cold has morphed into an insidious hacking of vile colored fluids. I wish death to the evil bastard who gave it to me. Like a complete moron, I went to... Sign in to see full entry.

The Great Tuna Fish Sandwich Debacle of '87

As you all know by now, A* can't cook. As my daughter so eloquently pointed out to me the other day, the extent of her talent lies in pop-tarts cooked in a crock pot so they'll be warm when she gets home from work. My first real memory of her attempting to feed herself was back in 1987. Back in the... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Wanted: Personal Assistant. Must Clean and Translate Husband 'Speak'!

Up at the ass crack of dawn. AGAIN. Why my body insists on getting up at 5 am. is beyond me. Why it insists on dusting, doing laundry, and washing floors is even more of a mystery. I need a shrink to help me overcome my OCD. Of course that will have to wait until I'm done scrubbing the bathrooms and... Sign in to see full entry.

My superbowl 'Victory'

In preparation of my boys nailing a perfect season and setting a new record, I went all out… I made sirloin sliders with a horseradish sauce, steak bites with bloody mary dipping sauce, my hot wings and drum sticks, deviled eggs, and of course the usual chips and dips. I even had a ‘GO PATRIOTS’... Sign in to see full entry.

Emeril she's NOT!

In a move reminiscent of the great tuna sandwich debacle of ’87, I received a phone call from Miss A** last night. A**: Hi! How long do you bake a pork chop for?? Me: Ummm… WHY are you baking a pork chop? A**: *indignant sigh* Because that’s how you cook them! I just need to know how long I leave... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

A day in the life of a 'wife'

“Did you pick up my jacket from the cleaners yet?” Yes, honey… I hung it up in your closet… If you open the door and look where your all your OTHER jackets are hanging, you’ll see it in it’s plastic protective bag. “You need to re-write all the text for the new web-site. It’s a flash site so you can... Sign in to see full entry.

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